Yes, yes, I know: There’s already a video of Justin Bieber urinating floating around out there. But this one is DIFFERENT. Because last time, he was pissing in some poor worker’s mop bucket like the little jerk he is, but this time, he’s pissing in jail and you can apparently see his penis. Which is funny, because I didn’t know they made cameras with definition high enough to see something that small. BLAMMO! Right in the low-hanging fruit! TMZ reports …
Not only does the footage paint a negative picture of Bieber — for obvious reasons — Bieber’s lawyers claim additional video inside the station shows the singer in “various states of undress, which show intimate personal parts” of his body. And law enforcement sources tell TMZ, the “personal parts” in question are revealed while Bieber urinates in his holding cell. A source who saw the video tells us, “Justin is seen several times stumbling around while he was taking his tests. As if he had a problem with his balance … [the video] also shows Justin taking his various tests and eventually taking a piss.” The source adds, “The stumbling and going to the bathroom is obviously reason enough for his attorneys to request it be sealed … If I was trying to paint a picture that my client was innocent … I wouldn’t want a video of him stumbling around and looking out of it to go public either.”
You know, I’d almost feel bad about this, I really would. I mean, he clearly has no authority figure in his life and he’s just doing what’s been taught to him: He can get away with anything he wants because someone else will always take the fall. But then I remember that Shirley Temple Black started off way younger, back before things like the California Child Actor’s Bill, and ended up being an ambassador instead of some little loser peeing herself in public. So yeah, don’t feel too bad for him anymore.