You know it’s a slow news morning when we’re talking about the Kids’ Choice Awards 2013, but honestly, it’s either this or pretending that Paris Hilton is still relevant. Anyway, the awards were last night, people got tiny orange blimps, and more than a few celebrities got slimed. (For the record: Remember when Nickelodeon actually slimed people on the regular? Oh, the good ol’ days of Raiders of the Hidden Temple, Nickelodeon Guts, and You Can’t Do That On Television … bring it back, Nick! BRING IT ALL BACK!) Anyway, here’s a list of the winners from Entertainment Weekly …
TELEVISION
Favorite TV Show Victorious
Favorite Reality Show Wipeout
Favorite Cartoon SpongeBob SquarePants
Favorite TV Actor Ross Lynch (Austin & Ally)
Favorite TV Actress Selena Gomez (Wizards of Waverly Place)FILM
Favorite Movie The Hunger Games
Favorite Movie Actor Johnny Depp (Dark Shadows)
Favorite Movie Actress Kristen Stewart (The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2)
Favorite Animated Movie Wreck-It Ralph
Favorite Voice from an Animated Movie Adam Sandler (Hotel Transylvania)
Favorite Male Buttkicker Dwayne Johnson (Journey 2: The Mysterious Island)
Favorite Female Buttkicker Kristen Stewart (Snow White and the Huntsman)MUSIC
Favorite Music Group One Direction
Favorite Male Singer Justin Bieber
Favorite Female Singer Katy Perry
Favorite Song “What Makes You Beautiful” (One Direction)SPORTS
Favorite Female Athlete Danica Patrick
Favorite Male Athlete LeBron JamesOTHER CATEGORIES
Favorite Villain Simon Cowell (The X Factor)
Favorite Book The Hunger Games series
Favorite Videogame Just Dance 4
Favorite App Temple Run
Oh hell no, I just remembered why we don’t let kids pick anything. Did you see that sh!t? Wipeout? Just … no kids. No. Now get off mah lawn, ya dern kids. I need to watch mah stories.