Sure, the Oscars may have been two months ago, but that doesn’t mean we can’t throw in one more awards show the celebrate movies from last year! So here comes the nominees for the 2011 MTV Movie Awards (to be hosted by (January Jones‘ baby daddy) Jason Sudeikis), because clearly if any channel knows about movies, it’s the one that was originally about music, but is now a dumping ground for orange drunks and teenage whores.
BEST MOVIE
“Black Swan”
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 1”
“Inception”
“The Social Network”
“The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”BEST MALE PERFORMANCE
Daniel Radcliffe, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 1”
Jesse Eisenberg, “The Social Network”
Robert Pattinson, “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”
Taylor Lautner, “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”
Zac Efron, “Charlie St. Cloud”BEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE
Emma Stone, “Easy A”
Emma Watson, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 1”
Jennifer Aniston, “Just Go With It”
Kristen Stewart, “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”
Natalie Portman, “Black Swan”BEST COMEDIC PERFORMANCE
Adam Sandler, “Just Go With It”
Ashton Kutcher, “No Strings Attached”
Emma Stone, “Easy A”
Russell Brand, “Get Him to the Greek”
Zach Galifianakis, “Due Date”BEST BREAKOUT STAR
Andrew Garfield, “The Social Network”
Chloë Grace Moretz, “Kick-Ass”
Hailee Steinfeld, “True Grit”
Jay Chou, “The Green Hornet”
Olivia Wilde, “Tron: Legacy”BEST LINE FROM A MOVIE
Alexys Nycole Sanchez, “Grown Ups”
“I want to get chocolate wasted.”
Amanda Bynes and Emma Stone, “Easy A”
“There’s a higher power that will judge you for your indecency.” “Tom Cruise?”
Jesse Eisenberg, “The Social Network”
“If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you’d have invented Facebook.”
Justin Timberlake and Andrew Garfield, “The Social Network”
“A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what’s cool?” “A billion dollars. And that shut everybody up.”
Tom Hardy, “Inception”
“You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger darling.”BEST SCARED-AS-… MOMENT
Ashley Bell, “The Last Exorcism”
Ellen Page, “Inception”
Jessica Szohr, “Piranha 3D”
Minka Kelly, “The Roommate”
Ryan Reynolds, “Buried”BIGGEST BADASS STAR
Alex Pettyfer, “I Am Number Four”
Chloë Grace Moretz, “Kick-Ass”
Jaden Smith, “The Karate Kid”
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, “Inception”
Robert Downey Jr., “Iron Man 2”BEST JAW-DROPPING MOMENT
James Franco, “127 Hours”
Justin Bieber, “Justin Bieber: Never Say Never”
Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page, “Inception”
Natalie Portman, “Black Swan”
Steve-O, “Jackass 3D”BEST VILLAIN
Christoph Waltz, “The Green Hornet”
Leighton Meester, “The Roommate”
Mickey Rourke, “Iron Man 2”
Ned Beatty, “Toy Story 3”
Tom Felton, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 1”BEST FIGHT
Amy Adams vs. the sisters, “The Fighter”
Chloë Grace Moretz vs. Mark Strong, “Kick-Ass”
Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint vs. Death Eaters, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 1”
Joseph Gordon-Levitt vs. Hallway Attacker, “Inception”
Robert Pattinson vs. Bryce Dallas Howard and Xavier Samuel, “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”BEST KISS
Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, “Inception”
Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 1”
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”
Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner, “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”
Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, “Black Swan”
So basically, great movies like Inception, Black Swan and The Social Network are all going to lose to a fucking sparkley vampire movie because teenagers are stupid. And I know what you’re saying, “But Jeremy! Eclipse is the best movie in the series!” Well, a kick in the shin is still better than a punch in the face or a kick in the balls, but you don’t reward that shit!