It’s only been about a couple months since the avalanche of awards shows came to a close, but as we all know, celebrities needs a constant stream of assurance or else they will cease to exist in their dimension and fall back into ours. And so, The 2014 Billboard Music Awards were last night to celebrate people who actually do the right thing and buy their music (seriously, it’s like $10 for an album. Barely a dollar per song!) and here’s the list of winners …
Top Artist
Justin TimberlakeTop Hot 100 Song
“Blurred Lines” – Robin Thicke & PharrellTop Billboard 200 Album
“The 20/20 Experience” – Justin TimberlakeTop Duo/Group
Imagine DragonsTop New Artist
LordeTop Male Artist
Justin TimberlakeTop Female Artist
Katy PerryTop Hot 100 Artist
Imagine DragonsTop Billboard 200 Artist
Justin TimberlakeTop Social Artist
Justin BieberTop Streaming Artist
Miley Cyrus
So basically, Justin Timberlake and Katy Perry won all the big stuff, and also Imagine Dragons, which I assume would be a band I loved in high school but of which I’m barely aware of now that I’m old and crotchety. My kids never call … oh, and it’s nice to see Justin Bieber continuing to get his one obligatory award so the Beliebers don’t throw a tantrum. He’s had a hard year, he could use a pity throw every once in a while.