Remember the days when Shia Laboeuf was just that kid who was able to keep his career after Even Stevens, even if the only thing he could do was scream “NONONONONO” while giant robots punched each other in the balls? Well, hold on to that mental image, because apparently Shia’s been bitten by the pretentious art house bug and is now filming a movie with director Lars Von Trier that is, essentially, a sex tape. No, I’m not kidding. They are literally going to shoot him having sex with someone. Woohoo. Complex reports …
During an interview with MTV, Shia LaBeouf confirmed that he will indeed be working with director Lars von Trier on his next project, Nymphomaniac. Not only that, but he also revealed that all of the film’s sex scenes will be completely unsimulated, which, of course, means that LaBeouf will basically be getting paid to have real sex with his co-stars in front of the entire crew.
“It is what you think it is. There’s a disclaimer at the top of the script that basically says, we’re doing [the sex] for real. And anything that is ‘illegal’ will be shot in blurred images. But other than that, everything is happening,” LaBeouf said during the interview.
Two thoughts on this: First, ew, Shia. I mean, even back in the days when he was almost passably attractive, this would still be gross, now he’s just weird and scraggly looking, so this is already lining up to be the most depressing porno ever. Second, at least with actual porn, the whole thing isn’t one massive ego stroke clumsily disguised as “art”, so suck it Shia. You’re making annoying, bad porn.
