Paris Hilton and Cy Waits were attacked!

Paris Hilton and Cy Waits

Yesterday, Paris Hilton and her loser boyfriend, Cy Waits went to court to face the man who tried to break into her place with a knife last year. Because God has a fantastic sense of ironic humor, on their way inside the courthouse, a man lunged at Waits and grabbed him by the neck, and when he was detained by police, said that he was engaged to Paris Hilton. Oh my God, this is just … it’s like shooting fish in a barrel with a goddamn rocket launcher.

Our guy at the scene says Paris and Cy were walking into the courthouse moments ago when a man “lunged” at Cy …  then grabbed him by the neck. We’re told the couple’s security team took down the attacker, who is currently being detained by police. After the attack, the man — who we’ve now identified as James Rainford — tells photographers he recently proposed to Paris … and that she accepted. So, yeah. SOURCE

Why would anyone try and use the excuse that they’re engaged to Paris to defend themselves? Why not just come right out and say something like “I attacked Paris because she’s fucking Paris Hilton.” Honestly, I don’t know a single judge in the entire world who wouldn’t take that excuse and run with it. “In the case of The People vs. Paris Hilton, I find Ms. Hilton guilty of being terrible and having a face you just want to stick a boot in. *Slams the gavel down on Paris’ face* Case dismissed!”

Paris Hilton and Cy Waits

About JEREMY FEIST 4970 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.