What’s that? The Oscars just happened and you’re a little exhausted from all this awards season chatter? Well SUCK IT UP, because here come the 2014 MTV Movie Awards to hand out little golden popcorn cups to famous people. For you see, famous people are frail creatures, and if they ever stop being congratulated for being millionaires, they will whither away into nothingness. Do you want Will Ferrell to stop existing, you heartless monster? No, I didn’t think so. Here are the nominees …
MOVIE OF THE YEAR
“12 Years a Slave” (Fox Searchlight Pictures) Director: Steve McQueen Producers: Brad Pitt, Dede Gardner, Jeremy Kleiner, Steve McQueen, Anthony Katagas, Bill Pohlad, and Arnon Milchan“American Hustle” (Columbia Pictures)
Director: David O. Russell
Producers: Charles Roven, Richard Suckle, Megan Ellison and Jonathan Gordon“The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Director: Peter Jackson
Producers: Carolynne Cunningham, Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh and Zane Weiner“The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” (Lionsgate)
Director: Francis Lawrence
Producers: Nina Jacobson and Jon Kilik“The Wolf of Wall Street” (Paramount Pictures)
Director: Martin Scorsese
Producers: Martin Scorsese, Leonardo DiCaprio, Joey McFarland, Emma Tillinger Koskoff and Riza AzizBEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE
Amy Adams – “American Hustle” (Columbia Pictures)
Jennifer Aniston – “We’re the Millers” (New Line Cinema)
Sandra Bullock – “Gravity” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Jennifer Lawrence – “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” (Lionsgate)
Lupita Nyong’o – “12 Years a Slave” (Fox Searchlight Pictures)BEST MALE PERFORMANCE
Bradley Cooper – “American Hustle” (Columbia Pictures)
Leonardo DiCaprio – “The Wolf of Wall Street” (Paramount Pictures)
Chiwetel Ejiofor – “12 Years a Slave” (Fox Searchlight Pictures)
Josh Hutcherson – “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” (Lionsgate)
Matthew McConaughey – “Dallas Buyers Club” (Focus Features)BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE
Liam James – “The Way Way Back” (Fox Searchlight Pictures)
Michael B. Jordan – “Fruitvale Station” (The Weinstein Company)
Will Poulter – “We’re the Millers” (New Line Cinema)
Margot Robbie – “The Wolf of Wall Street” (Paramount Pictures)
Miles Teller – “The Spectacular Now” (A24 Films)BEST KISS
Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams – “American Hustle” (Columbia Pictures)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Scarlett Johansson – “Don Jon” (Relativity Media)
James Franco, Ashley Benson and Vanessa Hudgens – “Spring Breakers” (A24 Films)
Shailene Woodley and Miles Teller – “The Spectacular Now” (A24 Films)
Emma Roberts, Jennifer Aniston and Will Poulter – “We’re the Millers” (New Line Cinema)BEST FIGHT
“Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues” (Paramount Pictures) – Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, David Koechner and Steve Carell vs. James Marsden vs. Sacha Baron Cohen vs. Kanye West vs. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler vs. Jim Carrey and Marion Cotillard vs. Will Smith vs. Liam Neeson and John C. Reilly vs. Greg Kinnear
“Identity Thief” (Universal Pictures) – Jason Bateman vs. Melissa McCarthy
“The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” (Warner Bros. Pictures) – Orlando Bloom and Evangeline Lilly vs. Orcs
“The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” (Lionsgate) – Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson and Sam Claflin vs. Mutant Monkeys
“This is the End” (Columbia Pictures) – Jonah Hill vs. James Franco and Seth RogenBEST COMEDIC PERFORMANCE
Kevin Hart – “Ride Along” (Universal Pictures)
Jonah Hill – “The Wolf of Wall Street” (Paramount Pictures)
Johnny Knoxville – “Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa” (Paramount Pictures)
Melissa McCarthy – “The Heat” (20th Century Fox)
Jason Sudeikis – “We’re the Millers” (New Line Cinema)BEST SCARED-AS-S**T PERFORMANCE
Rose Byrne – “Insidious: Chapter 2” (FilmDistrict)
Jessica Chastain – “Mama” (Universal Pictures)
Vera Farmiga – “The Conjuring” (New Line Cinema)
Ethan Hawke – “The Purge” (Universal Pictures)
Brad Pitt – “World War Z” (Paramount Pictures)BEST ON-SCREEN DUO
Amy Adams and Christian Bale – “American Hustle” (Columbia Pictures)
Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto – “Dallas Buyers Club” (Focus Features)
Vin Diesel and Paul Walker – “Fast & Furious 6” (Universal Pictures)
Ice Cube and Kevin Hart – “Ride Along” (Universal Pictures)
Jonah Hill and Leonardo DiCaprio – “The Wolf of Wall Street” (Paramount Pictures)BEST SHIRTLESS PERFORMANCE
Jennifer Aniston – “We’re the Millers” (New Line Cinema)
Sam Claflin – “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” (Lionsgate)
Leonardo DiCaprio – “The Wolf of Wall Street” (Paramount Pictures)
Zac Efron – “That Awkward Moment” (Focus Features)
Chris Hemsworth – “Thor: The Dark World” (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)#WTF MOMENT
Steve Carell, Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd and David Koechner – “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues” (Paramount Pictures)
Johnny Knoxville and Jackson Nicoll – “Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa” (Paramount Pictures)
Cameron Diaz – “The Counselor” (20th Century Fox)
Leonardo DiCaprio – “The Wolf of Wall Street” (Paramount Pictures)
Danny McBride and Channing Tatum – “This is the End” (Columbia Pictures)BEST VILLAIN
Barkhad Abdi – “Captain Phillips” (Columbia Pictures)
Benedict Cumberbatch – “Star Trek into Darkness” (Paramount Pictures)
Michael Fassbender – “12 Years a Slave” (Fox Searchlight Pictures)
Mila Kunis – “Oz The Great and Powerful” (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
Donald Sutherland – “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” (Lionsgate)BEST ON-SCREEN TRANSFORMATION
Christian Bale – “American Hustle” (Columbia Pictures)
Elizabeth Banks – “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” (Lionsgate)
Orlando Bloom – “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Jared Leto – “Dallas Buyers Club” (Focus Features)
Matthew McConaughey – “Dallas Buyers Club” (Focus Features)BEST MUSICAL MOMENT
Backstreet Boys, Jay Baruchel, Seth Rogen and Craig Robinson – “This is the End” (Columbia Pictures)
Jennifer Lawrence – “American Hustle” (Columbia Pictures)
Leonardo DiCaprio – “The Wolf of Wall Street” (Paramount Pictures)
Melissa McCarthy – “Identity Thief” (Universal Pictures)
Will Poulter – “We’re the Millers” (New Line Cinema)BEST CAMEO PERFORMANCE
Robert De Niro – “American Hustle” (Columbia Pictures)
Amy Poehler and Tina Fey – “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues” (Paramount Pictures)
Kanye West – “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues” (Paramount Pictures)
Joan Rivers – “Iron Man 3” (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
Rihanna – “This is the End” (Columbia Pictures)BEST HERO
Henry Cavill as Clark Kent – “Man of Steel” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man – “Iron Man 3” (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins – “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Chris Hemsworth as Thor – “Thor: The Dark World” (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
Channing Tatum as John Cale – “White House Down” (Columbia Pictures)
See? Now all of these people will continue to deliver the great movies you’ve come to expect of them. And also Joan Rivers, who … yeah. I mean, I love Joan, but who would have thought that she’d appeal to the awful teenagers who watch MTV? Mind. Blown. Just utterly blown.