Pull up a chair kids, and grandpappy Feist will tell y’all about a magical time long, long ago. A time when Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino was a thing. I remember it like it was yesterday … the year was 2009. Avatar was the biggest movie of the year, the iPhone 3S had just been released, and some garbage f*ckin’ song by The Black Eyed Peas was vomitin’ outta any and every speaker imaginable. It was a dark time, one that could only be made darker by Jersey Shore, a show about terrible people doing nothing for thousands upon thousands of dollars. Chief among them was The Situation, a melty-faced douche with abdominals and nothing else. Anyway, they were famous for a while, at least until MTV realized they could replace them with cheaper, dumber douches and the show disappeared. Some say The Situation was banished to another realm. Others say he simply wallowed in obscurity, occasionally risin’ up to get arrested for gettin’ into a fight with his brother at a tannin’ salon they owned. And wouldn’t you know it, they were right. TMZ reports …
The Situation got two things today … arrested and what’s gonna be a nasty black eye — both after brawling with his brother in the tanning salon they co-own … TMZ has learned. Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino was busted at Boca Tanning Salon in Middletown, NJ … according to law enforcement sources. We’re told cops got a 911 call reporting a “fist fight” inside the salon … and when officers arrived — Sitch was arrested, and eventually booked for simple assault. He posted $500 bail … and on the way out he explained he and his bro, Frank were scrapping over how to run the business.
And who knows where he’ll go from here? Perhaps another trash reality show? Maybe a line of bronzers that stimulate hair growth in balding middle-aged men. Either way, I better tack on a moral for you kids so you don’t start thinkin’ that old grandpappy Feist is just ramblin’ for the sake of ramblin’. So here goes: You can’t make a career out of being shameless or attention seeking, because literally anyone can one-up you. And eventually, someone will, and you’ll just end up being that one douche in a long line of douches remembered for being douchey. Now get off my damn lawn!