So it turns out, Lindsay Lohan‘s stint on the set of The Canyons played out exactly as you would have thought it would. Just, beautifully insane really. Thankfully, probably knowing full well that Lindsay would act like an out-of-control diva the whole time, the producers of the movie allowed a reporter from the New York Times to document everything, so you can now read in excruciating detail what it’s like to pay LiLo money for professional services.
SPOILER ALERT: Things went completely to crap. You can click on the link to read the full thing, but here are a couple choice missives:
Lindsay Lohan was originally fired before filming began, and then got unfired:
He went back to his room at the Orlando Hotel in Beverly Hills and left it to Pope to deliver the bad news. Pope finally reached Lohan, telling her she was done. Lohan began to cry and begged for another chance. Pope told her that Schrader had made up his mind.
Lohan headed for the Orlando. She pounded on doors until she found Schrader’s room. As she banged on his door, she texted him manically. Schrader could hear her crying but wouldn’t let her in. He texted her instead.
“Lindsay, go home.”
The hotel manager rang up to ask if he should call the cops. Schrader told him no and sat down on his bed. Lohan stayed out in the hall sobbing for another 90 minutes before she finally left.
Lindsay was worried James Deen was going to overshadow her. He did:
She retreated to a walk-in closet a few feet from the bed where the scene would be shot. Lohan had just fired her assistant and was now holed up with an old friend named Gavin. Schrader waited a half-hour and then went to see if Lohan was ready to shoot. Gavin explained that Lohan was uneasy working with porn stars and actually, truth be told, was uneasy working with Deen.
Schrader lost it.
“The thing that’s going to explode from this film is James Deen!”
Lohan screamed from the back of the closet.
“That’s what I’m afraid of!”
Lindsay Lohan spends the entirety of The Canyons screaming at the director, then bitches out James Deen when he does it once:
The scene was to be shot at “magic hour,” the hour before sunset, and as usual, Lohan was running late. It had been an endless week of switching day for night, and everyone was on edge, including Deen. He had reached his limit with Lohan. During rehearsal, Deen and Schrader argued loudly over how Deen was playing the scene. After Deen remarked for the fourth time that he disagreed with how the scene unfolded, Schrader screamed at him. “James [expletive ]Deen, play the scene as I goddamn tell you.”
The two stepped outside and talked for a minute and came back in with sheepish grins. (Later Deen told me, “We yelled at each other because we couldn’t yell at the person we both wanted to yell at.”) Lohan shook her head disapprovingly at Deen.
“That’s unprofessional to treat your director like that. Just very disrespectful.”
Lindsay and her mother of course acted like ingrates after they see the finished movie:
Inevitably, our conversation turned back to Lohan. He showed the film to Lindsay and her mother, Dina, in October at his New York City apartment. They were both so furious about how the camera lingered on Deen that Schrader had to move Dina to another room to get through the screening.
Bear in mind here: Lindsay got paid to behave like this. Consider that next time you go to your job and get paid significantly less while behaving exponentially better.