Kate Gosselin is freaking out!

Kate Gosselin

As you would expect from a single-mother of eight with absolutely no people or trade skills to speak of, Kate Gosselin is now beginning to freak out over the cancellation of her TLC show, Kate + 8, after she remembered that the only reason she had eight kids to begin with was to pimp them out for free shit. Which really is more or less the only reason famous people or those trying to be famous people have babies nowadays. Go ahead, name one celebrity couple who DIDN’T immediately sell their baby pictures? Exactly. Here’s People magazine with the enabling. I mean story:

“I’m freaking out. Big time,” she tells People in the new issue. Her kids, twins Cara and Mady, and sextuplets Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah and Joel “weren’t ready,” to leave the show, which has been airing since 2005, she adds. “Nobody was. I’ve never quit a job in my life without having something else lined up. I don’t know what’s next.” But Gosselin, 36, whose messy divorce from husband Jon played out in the tabloids – and on TV – in 2009, vows to work hard to keep the lifestyle she’s provided for her kids. “I told them I will work my fingers to the bone to make sure that they can stay here and go to their school,” she says. “There are no guarantees in life for anyone, but they know that I’m giving it my best shot.”

Wait, wasn’t she a nurse or something before she decided that helping sick people wasn’t as important as being spiteful vindictive bitch on reality TV? Then why doesn’t she go back to – oh yeah, the spiteful vindictive bitch part, that’s right …

Patient: Sorry, nurse? Could I please go for a walk? I think I’m starting to develop bed sores.
Kate: Oh, you you you. It’s ALWAYS about you, isn’t it? “You’re stepping on my breathing tube!” “Stop punching me!” “No I won’t adopt two of your kids.” Some people have REAL problems, buddy.
Patient: Why won’t anyone pull the plug on me?

Kate Gosselin

About JEREMY FEIST 4970 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.