Jesse James is taking the high road!

Jesse James

After the colossal turd-storm that was his divorce from Sandra Bullock last year, after the most famous and beloved woman in America dumped his ass after everyone found out he had a bad habit of banging skanks and being a white supremacist, it looks like Jesse James has emerged on the other side, a kinder, humbler person. HAHAHAH! Just kidding. He’s acting like Sandra is some nobody and that he’s better off without her, even though he is really, really, REALLY not. RadarOnline reports:

“I became a big shot and married some Hollywood actress and didn’t talk to anybody anymore, so I feel bad,” James says at the beginning of the episode. His reference to America’s Sweetheart Sandra Bullock as “some Hollywood actress” is sure to rile fans of The Blind Side star, and not exactly endear James to viewers. James creates a stainless-steel “middle-finger” bike which is apparently the first motorcycle he’s personally built in five years and he explains his reason for returning to TV. “I feel obligated to reconnect with all these people and show ’em that I’m still the same fabricator motorcycle guy. I’m not what I became.”

I love the way he makes it sound like the whole thing was basically his master plan, as if all along he was trying to get dumped by America’s sweetheart and then be painted as a goddamn nazi for the entire world to see. “Everything turned out exactly as planned …” he mumbles from the cardboard box he sleeps in with whichever syphilis-ridden nazi whore he’s currently banging.

Jesse James

About JEREMY FEIST 4970 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.