In what I’m sure will come as a complete and total shock to the messrs. Fuck and All, it turns out that Hugh Hefner‘s soon-to-be-new-wife, who I’d like to remind you all is 1/4 his age but makes up for it in gold-digging, is already cheating on him, despite not even being married yet. Say what you will, but you have to admit The Hef’s really streamlined the whole process here, hasn’t he?
Hugh Hefner’s 24-year-old fiancée, Crystal Harris, might not be ready for monogamous matrimony with her 84-year-old beau after all. Life & Style writes that Harris has been cavorting with Dr. Phil’s son Jordan McGraw. The magazine reports witnessing the “lovebirds cozy up at the Chateau Marmont in LA on March 14. While Crystal was hoping to keep their romance low-key, Jordan didn’t care to hide his affections, kissing her shoulder and trying to hold her hand — still adorned with her six-carat engagement ring.” SOURCE
I know I should be all mad and shit, considering that they’re dirty fucking cheaters, but let’s face it: Chances are, at any given moment there are at least three 20-year-old blonde women with daddy issues clinging to his dick as if it ejaculates diamonds and credit cards, and having sex with The Hef at this point would be like trying to jam a tube-sock full of instant mashed potatoes into a keyhole. Christ, if I was given the opportunity to fuck either Hef or someone whose balls don’t touch the floor when he’s standing straight, I’d take the latter.