You know the drill: 12 D-list stars enter but only 1 D-list star leaves with their dignity still intact. Below, I’ve posted the list of celebrities competing on the show, via Huffington Post, as well as the token slots they’ll be filling, because every Dancing With The Stars season follows the same basic casting template:
Ricki Lake – Lovable Formerly-Fat Girl
Ron Artest – The Athlete
Kristin Cavallari – Reality Star/Whore
Chynna Phillips – Singer Your Mom Loves
David Arquette – Insane Has-Been/Celebrity Divorcée
Carson Kressley – Blonde Gay
Nancy Grace – Old, Contemptible Shrew
J.R. Martinez – The Heartwarming Old Guy
Hope Solo – Sexy Female Athlete No Ane Actually Knows
Rob Kardashian – Famewhore Kardashian
Elisabetta Canalis – Sexy Female Something No Ane Actually Knows
Chaz Bono – Face of a Major Group (i.e., Transfolk)
I’m just going to go ahead and call it now: Ricki Lake is going to take it. That’s my guess anyway. First out I’m guessing will be Nancy Grace because she’s old, bitchy, and moves like a marionette being operated by a raging alcoholic. And David Arquette will be the first to wipe out because he’s a hilarious dumbass. The rest will probably do whatever the fuck they do, although personally, I’m rooting for Chaz Bono. Love that guy.
