Crystal Harris: Hugh lasted two seconds!

Hugh Hefner and Crsytal Harris

Continuing in the long-standing tradition of gold diggers talking to the media in order to keep themselves from having to get a real job, Crystal Harris decided to go on Sirius XM’s Howard Stern Show to talk about her sex life with Hugh Hefner and- HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRG! Oh God … oh God, I’m sorry, I just … vomited a liBLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Damn you to hell, Crystal!

Talk about a low blow. After dumping Hugh Hefner just days before their June 18th wedding, Playboy model Crystal Harris opened up about their sex life during a Tuesday interview on Sirius XM’s Howard Stern Show. “[It lasted] like, two seconds,” Harris, 25, said, dissing the famed men’s magazine editor. “Then I was just over it. I was like, ‘Ahh.’ I was over it. I just, like, walked away. I’m not turned on by Hef. Sorry.” SOURCE

Why … why would anyone talk about that? TO ANYONE?! I mean, just … first off, who publicly dumps someone days before their wedding, then tells everyone that they suck at sex? I mean yeah, he’s 84, and at this point he probably couldn’t even take a shit with breaking a hip, no less actually have sex, but still, you probably shouldn’t be the one to say it out loud. Second, WHY ARE YOU MAKING US THINK ABOUT HUGH’S OLD MAN PENIS, YOU TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING?

Hugh Hefner and Crsytal Harris

About JEREMY FEIST 4970 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.