Ugh, remember last week when all the movies totally sucked butt and nothing made more than $10 Million? Well, good news! That’s been fixed! Resident Evil: Retribution, the latest instalment in the surprisingly long-lasting and surprisingly good Resident Evil series, brought home $21.1 Million, while I’m sure Resident Evil 6 will bombard us with more useless cut-scenes, confusing plots, and unnecessary quick-time events.
Yes, yes, we know: Finding Nemo 3-D is just a re-released version of a movie from eight years ago. But at least it’s a good re-release, and the use of 3-D creates a more dazzling and immersive world. Remember when they tried this crap with Titanic? I mean great, fantastic. Now I can be apathetic in three dazzling dimensions as Kate Winslet can’t even be bothered to scootch over like three inches so that Leonardo DiCaprio can fit on the door. Huzzah. But I digress … where was I again? Ah yes, Finding Nemo 3-D. $17.5 Million. Next!
Just think: If it weren’t for another zombie movie and an eight-year-old kids move, The Possession would have been at the top with a whopping … $5.8 Million. Let this be a lesson kids: Never make the exorcist in your movie a rapper.
Lawless I’m barely aware of what this movie is and I have no intention of Googling it so that I can make a joke at its expense, so I’ll just say it made $4.2 Million and forget it ever existed, as will you until you see it pop up out of the blue on Netflix in a couple months.
Can I just say it’s total bull that ParaNorman isn’t doing way better than it is? It’s a well-written movie, beautifully animated movie, and people couldn’t care less because it came out at the same time as a movie with saggy old man balls exploding things. Anyway, $3 Million, which is way less than it deserved.
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.
