Full confession time: When I was a kid, we had Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III on VHS. This was the one where they somehow teleported back in time to feudal japan. We watched it until the tape broke. I bring this up because, looking back on it now, the movie was stupid. It made no sense. But we watched it because we were kids and we couldn’t tell when we were being spoonfed an incredibly dumb Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Which brings me to the latest version by director Michael Bay, which made $65 Million, even though we had a much better action movie by the name of …
Guardians of the Galaxy! Seriously, it was right there this whole time, and we went to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Shrek Turtles instead? Gawddammit we’re dumb sometimes. Anyway, it still made $41.5 Million, which really isn’t too shabby, but come on.
Into The Storm (or as it’s also known, Twister but not Twister or Sharknado without the Sharks) was the other big release this year, which … yeah. Look, if we’re being honest, Guardians of the Galaxy was pretty much the last big hurrah for the summer blockbuster season. August tends to be the dumping ground for every big crashy smashy summer movie that couldn’t find an audience, so you can’t expect too much. Anyway, it made $18 Million.
August also tends to be the time when twee indie movies your mom likes get released. Not that I’m complaining, because I used to go see those movies with my mom when I still lived with her. Anyway, I look forward to watching The Hundred-Foot Journey (which made $11.1 Million) with my mother when it comes out on Netflix and she comes up here.
This weekend was Toronto Leather Pride, and a friend of mine at one point in the weekend came out with blue tubes in her head. I told her she looked like the Diva Plavalaguna, and then we got into this big talk about how Luc Besson is a genius and how we needed to see Lucy. And I swear, we will eventually! And it still made $9.3 Million this weekend, so … you know. Not bad.
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.
