How’s this for depressing: it’s officially gotten to the point where Anderson Cooper has to take time out of his show to tell the world to stop paying Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi to be a drunken whore. Depressing. Anyway, on 360 with Anderson Cooper, everyone’s favorite muscle-bound silverfox discussed the scandal over Snooki being a higher paid college speaker than author Toni Morrison, despite the fact that one is a respected writer and the other would fuck a pickle if given half a chance and some Valtrex. Seriously, try it. “OH. MY GOD. Is that a pickle? Oh yeah, I’m gonna make you feel real good … wait, a whole jar?! My prayers to the Vlasic Pickle stork came true! Woo woo! All aboard the pickle train! Next stop: My orange vagina!”