Ugh: Kris Jenner actually loved that “Bound 2” video

Ugh: Kris Jenner actually loved that “Bound 2” video
December 4, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Kim Kardashian

A couple days ago, news broke that Kris Jenner apparently threw a fit over Kim Kardashian going topless in Kanye West‘s music video for “Bound 2,” because … I don’t know. Their empire was built on a foundation of boobs, pee and ass, which made it all possible for them to build their castle of mediocrity and awfulness. Anyway, I’m guessing Kris realized that Kim still needs to dig in the golden hills of Kanye’s fortune, so she has apparently done a 180 to let everyone know she actually loves the video. Daily Mail reports …

She exclusively told MailOnline: ‘It’s a complete fabrication and not true. None of those statements are [true] and are completely made up. ‘I am extremely proud of my daughter Kim, and also very proud of her fiance Kanye West. He is extremely talented and incredibly artistic.’

Although considering how everything that comes out of Kris’ mouth is a liar’s cornucopia of lies, chances are she’s still pissed and I think I know why: IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER! I can see it now. Kris is sitting in her study, a glass of red wine, her face pulled into a taut mask illuminated by fire. She watches the video, sees Kim topless and riding Kanye while the wind blows in the wrong direction … and the wine glass drops. Oh, how it should be her riding Kanye riding the motorcycle! It should be her breasts, flapping in the wrong-direction-breeze. She would lean forward in the height of their sexual arousal, and bite his head off and swallow it whole in order to feed the 1,000 demon eggs currently residing in her thorax. It would be magical.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.