If there are two things I know about Farrah Abraham, is that she writes like she’s trying to get revenge on the English language for making a fool of her, and that she has all the raw sex appeal of a colovaginal fistula. (Google that if you dare.) But she’s famous, so she’s going to get a book deal so that can (ghost)write erotic fiction. Oh gosh, just reading those words is enough to make my genitals scream forever. HollywoodLife reports …
Celebrity Sex Tape is a sexy and romantic new series written by the television personality, who, as we all know, is well-versed in the topic. The book is described as being “loosely” based off of Farrah’s own experience in fame and how a sexy leaked tape can either make you or break you. Here’s the official synopsis for the first book in the Celebrity Sex Tape series, In The Making:
In The Making introduces readers to budding celebrity Fallon Opal. When rumors begin circulating that Fallon has a sex tape, scandal erupts and the world’s top media outlets are on the hunt for a story. Millions of people want to know the juicy details, and the whirlwind sweeps Fallon into a struggle between living her own life and delivering what “they” expect from the young star. But Fallon isn’t all she appears to be. Her lonely lifestyle has led to a dirty mind and she aches for a human touch, time and time again. There is something under the surface – something deeper – to Fallon Opal than just palpable sexuality and erotic fantasies.
‘Celebrity Sex Tape’ you say? A few minor notes on that one: Farrah isn’t a celebrity, and that wasn’t a sex tape. It was a porno. Other than that, the story sounds … promising. Of a terrible time. Seriously, the only way anyone could get even the faintest trace of sexual satisfaction from Farrah’s writing is if they cut a dong-sized hole in the book. You’d get paper cuts and probably bleed out, but hey, at least you wouldn’t have to read her scribbling.