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Ugh: Farrah Abraham is ‘writing’ erotic fiction

Ugh: Farrah Abraham is ‘writing’ erotic fiction
April 2, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Farrah Abraham

If there are two things I know about Farrah Abraham, is that she writes like she’s trying to get revenge on the English language for making a fool of her, and that she has all the raw sex appeal of a colovaginal fistula. (Google that if you dare.) But she’s famous, so she’s going to get a book deal so that can (ghost)write erotic fiction. Oh gosh, just reading those words is enough to make my genitals scream forever. HollywoodLife reports …

Celebrity Sex Tape is a sexy and romantic new series written by the television personality, who, as we all know, is well-versed in the topic. The book is described as being “loosely” based off of Farrah’s own experience in fame and how a sexy leaked tape can either make you or break you. Here’s the official synopsis for the first book in the Celebrity Sex Tape series, In The Making:

In The Making introduces readers to budding celebrity Fallon Opal. When rumors begin circulating that Fallon has a sex tape, scandal erupts and the world’s top media outlets are on the hunt for a story. Millions of people want to know the juicy details, and the whirlwind sweeps Fallon into a struggle between living her own life and delivering what “they” expect from the young star. But Fallon isn’t all she appears to be. Her lonely lifestyle has led to a dirty mind and she aches for a human touch, time and time again. There is something under the surface – something deeper – to Fallon Opal than just palpable sexuality and erotic fantasies.

‘Celebrity Sex Tape’ you say? A few minor notes on that one: Farrah isn’t a celebrity, and that wasn’t a sex tape. It was a porno. Other than that, the story sounds … promising. Of a terrible time. Seriously, the only way anyone could get even the faintest trace of sexual satisfaction from Farrah’s writing is if they cut a dong-sized hole in the book. You’d get paper cuts and probably bleed out, but hey, at least you wouldn’t have to read her scribbling.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.