When you look at the poster for Trespass, a few things stand out. First, you see the type font – suggesting a serious drama. Second, you see Nicole Kidman and Nicolas Cage – two of the biggest jokes in Oscar-winning history. Third, you see the hilarious suggestion that this movie has potential by the mentioning of their Oscar wins.
In Trespass, a family is taken hostage by burglars and nothing really is as it seems. Oh and the hot redeeming part of Burlesque was in it – Cam Gigandet. Here are the numbers. Ms. Kidman was uncomfortably cold and unable to show emotion about 47 times. Mr. Cage was a horrible actor about 91 times (one for every minute of the movie). Finally, Cam had me aroused about six times including two shirtless bathing suit scenes, one heroic moment and a few gazes of pure sex).
To be honest, there was only one person I could really think about while leaving the screening … Danielle Staub, ex-housewife from The Real Housewives of New Jersey, this movie literally was Danielle personified and here’s why:
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- In an effort to be more than a hostage thriller, the movie pulled so many twists that it became a joke. Nothing was as it seems and even that wasn’t what it seemed to be. By the end of the movie, all you could do was laugh.
- The acting was absolutely wretched and every emotion was forced (or not there because of the inability to move facial features).
- Everyone just kept shouting. I know a thriller is supposed to contain screaming and crying but it was so grating. I was so overwhelmed that I was driven to uncomfortable, manic laughter.
- Despite the ridiculousness, I couldn’t look away. I was gripped in the stupidity and joke of it all.
- Nicole Kidman is a prostitution whore and brought drama to my dinner party. Okay, that’s a lie but still – what happened to her? Plastic surgery has taken its toll and I don’t know if we will get her back.
In conclusion, rent Trespass and have a drinking game with your friends. You’ll have a lot of fun but it definitely isn’t worth more than a dollar.