TrailerBytes: Snow White and The Huntsman (and more)

TrailerBytes with Dan Spritz

Snow White and The Huntsman

My gosh is this a good trailer. It opens with Charlize Theron’s Queen Ravenna taking a bath in milk while another kingdom falls to her glory. This is all presumably a precursor to her calling that kingdom’s own queen to her and killing her by absorbing her life force/beauty. Obviously, she needs to keep doing this, or else they wouldn’t need to keep conquering kingdoms. It also means this trailer has the stage for this film’s conflict in twenty-five seconds. That’s really impressive.

Moving on, we see that the mirror on her wall takes the shape of a bronze oracle, which shows just how much this movie is its own story, as opposed to a faithful adaptation. That’s awesome. Bronze Oracle Mirror then informs Ravenna that if she eats Snow White’s heart, she’ll live forever. Not pulling any punches, are they?

While I have some issues with the idea that Kristen Stewart could be the fairest lady in an entire enchanted world, she is rough enough around the edges that she is a fit for this movie. Lily Collins could not play this role.

Chris Hemsworth’s (It’s a good week for Hemsworths) Huntsman is then enlisted (under pain of death?) to search the Dark Forest for Snow White. He does, and almost immediately switches allegiances. Hey Queen Ravenna – honey over vinegar. Then, it becomes apparent that Snow White will be the one to end the darkness. Well, obviously.

Then, we hear the line from Ravenna that encompasses this trailer perfectly, “I should have killed her when she was a child. I need her heart beating with blood.” Dark re-imagining, indeed. It takes a lovely fairy tale and energetically fills it with evil. Fantastic.

Snow White and The Huntsman

The Host

This is how you make a teaser trailer! I have next to no idea what’s going on and yet I am ready to see this movie. It builds tension and highlights the gravitas of the situation by slowly moving the Earth in front of the Sun while the narrator gives a creepy, extra-breathy explanation of how the world has become a utopia. This is a strong opening, and becomes many degrees better when it becomes apparent that we may not be responsible for this perfection and that we need to fight for our survival as a species. This is reflected in the ubiquitous rings in the eyes of people all over the world, rings that mimic the Earth eclipsing the Sun. It’s a nice, tight trailer that gives nothing away. Are we the hosts? Did the parasites we’re hosting cause the world’s perfection? Are they opportunists who waited until we did it ourselves? Is the Earth the host? Has everyone been infected? Moreover, it gives me joy to learn that Stephenie Meyer spells her name like a crazy person.

Breaking Dawn, Part 2

Looks like she’s getting the last laugh this week though. I honestly thought we were done with these. As a person who’s not seen any of the movies or read any of the books, it has everything I’ve come to expect from these films: beautiful landscapes, people moving swiftly through forests, Taylor Lautner’s stilted reading of mediocre lines, and … commentary on the pleasure of being the same temperature? It kills me to know that this is because Edward had to vampirize Bella her to save her life. I CANNOT ESCAPE YOU, POPULAR CULTURE.

Prometheus

Meanwhile, the Prometheus people tried to oversaturate the market by releasing to trailers this week. Supply and demand people. I’m not going to give them the satisfaction though, and am going to treat the UK and Wondercon trailers as if they were a single cut. Thankfully, they cover much of the same material.

This trailer provides us with the film’s back story – many of our ancient civilizations had art that pointed to the same constellation, so we need to investigate that part of the galaxy. Obviously. A team is commissioned to go to space, and when they arrive wherever it is they’ve arrived, they find some all sorts of evidence to indicate that going there was the right idea. They also get attacked by what is, based on this trailer, a sentient cloud of organisms capable of burrowing into the skin, causing madness, hemorrhaging, and piloting a ship to Earth. Basically, going to this planet is like opening Pandora’s Box.

Dan Spritz / Cherry On Top / @DanSpritz

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