Men In Black 3
This trailer begins with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones reprising their fantastic chemistry from the first two movies. Smith’s line about talking to the wall and being a mess is perfectly timed, which reminds us he’s still charismatic. That’s really all I need to see from this trailer, but the marketing department insisted on a full-length theatrical trailer. Fools. Anyway, it turns out secrets are being kept from Smith’s Agent J. He is stonewalled by Jones’ Agent K, peppering the trailer with uncertainty. This uncertainty is thrown on its head when Smith learns from Emma Thompson’s Agent Oh that Agent K has been dead for forty years. This confuses J, and leads him to travel into the past. He must do this by jumping off the Chrysler Building. When he arrives in 1969, Josh Brolin is there as a young Agent K. There’s a lot of interesting stuff going on in this trailer as well as the fact that Bill Hader is going to be playing Andy Warhol. I’m excited.
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
This is not the biggest trailer of the week, but there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s the most important. Movies like this don’t get made much anymore. Filmmakers have learned how to make movies, so train wrecks like the previous Joe are rare. Let’s go over how irrational this trailer is. It starts with an attack on the Joes’ (I hate myself for writing that) military camp, an attack that the outside world thinks they have orchestrated. Despite the chaos of war and no apparent proof, the President of the United States announces that the Joes will be exterminated IN THE FIELD. That would never happen. Either he would keep it quiet, or he would declare that they would stand trial. Announcing the assassination of American citizens is impeachable. Moving on, it is intimated that Cobra was behind the attack (obviously). Moments later, they are hanging flags from the White House. Was that because they took the paramilitary function the G.I. Joes had and were celebrating their success? It was common knowledge that they were enemies, why would such an action occur? The only other explanation is that they took it by force, a proposition too ludicrous for me to get into. The trailer culminates in teams of sword-wielding people fighting as they hang by ropes from the sheer side of a mountain. This looks cool until you realize not once person is trying to cut an enemy’s rope. Absurd. Also, Bruce Willis inhabits the same “weathered old guy” niche Dennis Quaid did in the last movie.
Rock of Ages
I’ll be honest, I am not familiar with Rock of Ages. I’ve heard of it, of course, but I don’t know nearly enough about it to judge whether this trailer hints at a strong adaptation of the Broadway show. With that said, it seems like too much is going on here. I am fine with Alec Baldwin as a potentially sleazy club owner, he can make anything work, but that role should offer him more than enough comedic potential. Russell Brand as some sort of rockstar works because he’s already done that so many times. I’m not even sure if he acts in these roles at this point. Catherine Zeta-Jones as a woman trying to lead the charge against the devil’s music is also intriguing. Tom Cruise as a rockstar works as well, but then the trailer begins to feel bloated. Should I be focusing on Diego Boneta’s Drew Boley? What’s Julianne Hough doing here? Where did Paul Giamatti, Malin Akerman, and Mary J. Blige come from? Do we really need a Julianne AND Malin? Why wasn’t Bryan Cranston even mentioned? This movie might be fun, but I worry that it will try to do too much to be truly worthwhile.
The Dictator
I can’t decide whether I think this is a good idea or not. Sacha Baron Cohen has an affinity for nailing American perceptions of foreigners, plus there’s certainly a lot of humor to be mined from Muammar Gadhafi’s (don’t you dare spell it some other way) absurd life. However, right next to that absurdity is human suffering, I don’t know how this movie will address it. Cohen plays a tyrant, but beyond a race in which he participates, fires the starting gun, and shoot indiscriminately as he is awarded victory, there’s not much tyranny. It’s a goofy sequence, but it hints at far worse things. Why is Ben Kingsley’s character expressionless as Cohen’s aide? Why is he booed in NY? Basically, how is this going to be funny without being terribly offensive? Also, Megan Fox has sex with him for jewels. I’m obligated to mention that.
Dan Spritz / Cherry On Top / @DanSpritz
