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The Kardashian magazine will never exist!

The Kardashian magazine will never exist!
January 19, 2012 JEREMY FEIST
The Kardashians

Because the Kardashians are not assaulting your eyeballs from enough media sources, Kris Jenner got it through her cavernous pit of greed and insecurity where her brain used to be that there needs to be a Kardashian magazine. You know, because you never see a Kardashian on a magazine cover, except for every single one of them. Anyway, a loving, all-powerful deity that created us looked down upon this, thought “Nah, the hell with that” and organized it so that the magazine would never see the light of day thanks to Kris’ rampant whorin’. The New York Post reports:

Page Six recently revealed the family was in talks with the publisher — home to Shape, Star, National Enquirer and RadarOnline — to create a magazine entirely dedicated to the family’s antics. But sources told us the deal turned sour after Jenner demanded she have editorial approval over every AMI publication to ensure wall-to-wall positive coverage of the overexposed reality robots. Our source told us AMI “balked” at the demand, even though megalomaniac mom Jenner offered to “dish” all of the family “scoop” to the fanzine. AMI execs argued they didn’t want to just swallow saccharine “Kardashian krap,” noting that while they have a television deal with E!, other outlets often get better scoops on the family. AMI dealt the deal a mortal blow when Star last week claimed Jenner’s late ex-husband, Robert Kardashian, was not the biological father of Khloé Kardashian. Furious Jenner denied it, and realized that AMI would never bow to her demands. “AMI chief David Pecker made it clear that there was no way he was going to tell his editors what stories they could and couldn’t do,” our source said. In turn, Jenner pulled Kardashian-related product ads from Star.

No, seriously: Why does the world need a magazine devoted entirely to the Kardashians? Kris already spends all her time calling up magazines for cover stories anyway, and the rest of the news is leaked by people close to the family who hate them all, so at this point, another outlet for the Kardashians to relentlessly remind you that they’re not dead would be like pissing in the Pacific ocean. Oh, wait, Kim would probably like that …

The Kardashians