… and none of you care. Dammit. Well, if it matters to any of you, The Juno Awards are pretty much like the Canadian version of the Grammys in that there are about a million of them, they’re basically worthless and they’re usually given out to the least deserving nominee. But thankfully, this is kind of a weird year for music because Arcade Fire actually swept the ceremony with four awards (Yay!) while Justin Bieber got two of them because … yeah fuck it, there’s really no reason we should be rewarding him for anything he’s done.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR (SPONSORED BY CANADIAN RECORDING INDUSTRY ASSOCIATION)
The Suburbs Arcade Fire Sonovox*F.A.B.
ARTIST OF THE YEAR
Neil Young Reprise*Warner
GROUP OF THE YEAR
Arcade Fire Sonovox*F.A.B.
NEW ARTIST OF THE YEAR (SPONSORED BY FACTOR AND RADIO STARMAKER FUND)
Meaghan Smith Sire/WEA*Warner
SONGWRITER OF THE YEAR (SPONSORED BY SIRIUS SATELLITE RADIO)
“Ready To Start” | “We Used To Wait” | “Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)”
THE SUBURBS – Arcade Fire Sonovox*F.A.B.*Arcade Fire Music
POP ALBUM OF THE YEAR
My World 2.0 Justin Bieber Island Def Jam*Universal
JUNO FAN CHOICE AWARD (PRESENTED BY LIVE NATION)
Justin Bieber Island Def Jam*Universal
SINGLE OF THE YEAR (SPONSORED BY LONG & MCQUADE)
Wavin’ Flag Young Artists for Haiti Universal SOURCE
Okay, actually it all makes sense now. Justin won the fan choice awards, because as we all know, his fans are raving lunatics who I will continue to mock until the day it stops being emotionally rewarding to me. Seriously, without you guys I’d probably have to find my high somewhere else. But no, you’re bottomless well of self-delusion is my own personal drug, and you never fail to deliver. God bless you Beliebers. I only hope that I am never forced into a room alone with you people, as I’d probably kill myself.