One thing that always confused me about the rabid fandom for The Jonas Brothers and the like is that, while they have all the sex appeal of toenail clippings, they’re basically sold on weird, subversive sex. Because it sure as hell isn’t the music; They don’t so much sing as they whine into a microphone. Anyway, it turns out they’re actually ruining sex for pretty much everyone, as Olivia Wilde moved into their old house and the no sex hex they left over the place has effectively clam-jammed her!
During a Wednesday appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Wilde revealed that she currently lives in the home previously owned by Love Bug singers Nick, Joe and Kevin. Though the musical trio no longer live in the L.A. pad, Wilde said they did leave “life-size cardboard cutouts” of themselves in the garage. “I didn’t even have to pay extra,” she joked. “Sometimes I wake up, and my roommate has placed one standing over me.” Kimmel, 43, then asked: “Is it comforting knowing there’s a cardboard virgin watching over you at all times?” Without missing a beat, the Cowboys & Aliens star responded: “Yes, it is comforting. We blame the Jonas Brothers for the lack of action in our house. It’s the ‘No sex hex,’ Jimmy! Can’t do anything about it.” SOURCE
If this isn’t the most effective nail in the coffin of the Jonas Brothers’ sex appeal, I don’t know what is. This isn’t just some love-struck teenager who doesn’t actually understand how real-world relationships work, it’s a grown woman who actually understands that two grown ups sticking body parts into other body parts is fucking awesome. And even she’s looking at these a-holes going “Yeah, these guys’ dicks are so small, they’re basically just cavities.”