The 2013 Oscar Swag Bag: Windex and hair ties?!

Oscar 2013 Swag Bag

As we’ve already demonstrated today, not only are the Academy Awards an opportunity to honor some of the best and brightest that Hollywood has to offer, it’s also an opportunity for terrible people to bilk them out of thousands of dollars of free crap. Except this year, the annual Oscar swag bag has … ummm, gone off in a different and bizarre direction. Via The Daily Beast:

  • Take 2: Your Guide to Happy Endings and New Beginnings by Leeza Gibbons, a book about “starting over; taking inventory, and getting smarter, stronger, and sexier with no apologies, no regrets and no turning back.” ($24.00)
  • A six-pack box of Naked brand condoms ($20.00)
  • Maple syrup, from Rouge Maple Gourmet Products ($120.00)
  • Portion-control dinnerware by Slimware: “Portion consciousness is disguised in the design.” $59.00
  • A Vampire Facelift, a cosmetic procedure that involves re-injecting gel-like substances from the patient’s blood back into the skin of their face to treat wrinkles. ($5,000.00)
  • Tickets to the circus, to see “North America’s only all-kid troupe.” ($400)
  • Hair ties. But they double as bracelets! ($80.00)
  • A lint roller by Gleener, called The Ultimate Fuzz Remover ($19.99)
  • Windex touch-up cleaner ($3.99)

Read more about why this year’s swag bag is so crappy …

Wow, that is … uh-huh, underwhelming (an understatement). Well, the good news is that everyone involved is still rich and famous, and some of them might even win an Oscar. And now the better news is that if famewhore Courtney Stodden somehow manages to con her way into one of these again, she will be grossly disappointed. “I sassily sneak a peak at the sensationally sensual sundries I snookered at the — The f*ck is this? WINDEX? I BLEW A SECURITY GUARD FOR SOME WINDEX?!”

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

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