The 2013 Oscar Swag Bag: Windex and hair ties?!

Oscar 2013 Swag Bag

As we’ve already demonstrated today, not only are the Academy Awards an opportunity to honor some of the best and brightest that Hollywood has to offer, it’s also an opportunity for terrible people to bilk them out of thousands of dollars of free crap. Except this year, the annual Oscar swag bag has … ummm, gone off in a different and bizarre direction. Via The Daily Beast:

  • Take 2: Your Guide to Happy Endings and New Beginnings by Leeza Gibbons, a book about “starting over; taking inventory, and getting smarter, stronger, and sexier with no apologies, no regrets and no turning back.” ($24.00)
  • A six-pack box of Naked brand condoms ($20.00)
  • Maple syrup, from Rouge Maple Gourmet Products ($120.00)
  • Portion-control dinnerware by Slimware: “Portion consciousness is disguised in the design.” $59.00
  • A Vampire Facelift, a cosmetic procedure that involves re-injecting gel-like substances from the patient’s blood back into the skin of their face to treat wrinkles. ($5,000.00)
  • Tickets to the circus, to see “North America’s only all-kid troupe.” ($400)
  • Hair ties. But they double as bracelets! ($80.00)
  • A lint roller by Gleener, called The Ultimate Fuzz Remover ($19.99)
  • Windex touch-up cleaner ($3.99)

Read more about why this year’s swag bag is so crappy …

Wow, that is … uh-huh, underwhelming (an understatement). Well, the good news is that everyone involved is still rich and famous, and some of them might even win an Oscar. And now the better news is that if famewhore Courtney Stodden somehow manages to con her way into one of these again, she will be grossly disappointed. “I sassily sneak a peak at the sensationally sensual sundries I snookered at the — The f*ck is this? WINDEX? I BLEW A SECURITY GUARD FOR SOME WINDEX?!”

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

Super Fresh Gossip From Around The Web!

Madonna "Two Steps Behind Me" Lady Gaga Diss Track Madonna disses Lady Gaga on her rumored upcoming track "Two Steps Behind Me" The Blemish
Adam Levine feels 'slightly more masculine, more like a man' now that he's married Celebitchy
Beyoncé and Jay Z's Labor Day PDA puts an end to those rampant divorce rumors! PopSugar
Oh Dear: Girls' Lena Dunham Instagrammed a photo of herself just as she woke up ... SOW
Truth: Courtney Stodden will never come close to being a legend like Marilyn Monroe! ICYDK
Hacked: The greatest celebrity nude photo leak of all time is now upon us all! Celebslam
Start your week out right ... listen to Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" (The Fart Remix) OMG Blog
Want to see naked photos from the celebrity cellphone hack of the century? Hollywood Tuna
Matthew Terry is the ultimate Calvin Klein model ... from jeans to underwear–hot! Oh La La
Ugh: Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg simply could not wait to get married! Evil Beet
Baby North West has already totally mastered an expert-level 'over it' expression ... Dlisted