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The Kardashians refuse to shoot until thief is caught

The Kardashians refuse to shoot until thief is caught
August 12, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

There’s been a bit of a crime spree happening on the set of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, as random thefts keep happening in the girls’ homes. Apparently, they seem to think it might be an inside job, which is what can happen when you invite everyone into your home for attention. Well, sadly the Kardashians are saying that they won’t shoot until the thief is caught, and oh what a shame that is! (Whoever it is, you will be canonized for this. People of the future will sing praises for your deeds. NEVER GET CAUGHT.) TMZ reports …

Family sources tell us … the girls are convinced whoever has stolen 10s of thousands of dollars from them works for the TV show. All 3 thefts — $4K taken from Kourtney’s Hampton’s rental, $50K stolen from Kourtney’s Calabasas home and $250K in jewelry taken from Khloe’s house — appear to be inside jobs, with no signs of forced entry. The 3 women say they’ve done everything they’ve been asked to do to thwart the thieves — hiring additional security, installing more surveillance cameras and rotating staff — all to no avail.

Honestly, I don’t see a downside to any of this. Kim Kardashian made nearly infinity million dollars with a mobile game where people literally pay money for fake popularity, so I can’t say I feel altogether bad for her. This is like finding out Satan keeps having to put off his doomsday plans because he lost a contact lens. “Ugh, no, I can’t just bring about the destruction of the world with only one contact, STUPID. Now if you assy little bitches don’t get down on your hands and knees and help me find it, we can’t boil the earth in molten — what do you mean you just stepped on it? DAMMIT MICHAEL, CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?”

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.