ICYMI, all last week we’ve tackling the Spring 2012 TV season with the ultimate Survival Guide! We’ve already covered Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Finally, let’s see what to watch, what to DVR, what to stream, what to read about online, and what to ignore on Sunday nights:

NOTE: The second season of Downton Abbey started airing on PBS at 9pm EST on January 8th. But since it’s already aired in the UK, and pretty much anyone who’s anyone in the states has watched on YouTube or illegally downloaded it, I’m leaving it off the list! Deal with it!

WHAT TO WATCH LIVE:

Once Upon a Time Let’s just be honest here: ABC’s Once Upon a Time is a terrible show. Really, it’s awful. Our main protagonist Emma Swan (Jennifer Morrison) is completely unlikable. The kid is annoying as all hell. And no disrespect to Lana Parrilla, but if you want to see a real Evil Queen, check out Madeleine Stowe’s icy Victoria Grayson on Revenge. Still, there’s something there that draws me to Once Upon a Time. I like seeing how all these fairytale characters’ lives have been woven together. Just enough with the slutty, goth Little Red Riding Hood, okay?

The Good Wife I won’t spend more time raving about the quality and complexity of The Good Wife. I’ve already named it the Best in Show for 2011. I think it’s got the best cast (and guest stars) than any drama, network or otherwise. This season has been flawless so far – except that CBS delayed all but one episode last season due to stupid football, therefore effing up my entire viewing schedule. Here’s hoping the rest of the season runs on time.

GCB After launching a hit new primetime soap this season with Revenge, ABC hopes for another juicy guilty pleasure hit in GCB. The show follows former mean girl Amanda Vaughn (Leslie Bibb), as she returns home to Dallas in disgrace after her marriage ends in scandal. Surprise surprise, she’s not given the warmest of welcomes – especially by her mother Gigi (Annie Potts), her former classmate, Carlene Cockburn (Kristin Chenoweth), and the rest of her old clique. Based on the hit book by Kim Gatlin and produced by Darren Star (Sex and the City, Melrose Place, Beverly Hills 90210, etc), GCB (short for Good Christian Bitches) promises a lot of back-stabbing, nastiness, and girls behaving badly. Should be the perfect fit for late Sunday night. Well, until …

Mad Men March 25, 2011. That’s my best guess for when we’ll see the long-awaited premiere of the fifth season of Mad Men. Nothing has been confirmed by AMC just yet, but since Comic Book Men has a six-week run, and we’ve been promised that Mad Men will premiere in March 2012, I think it’s a safe bet. And thank heavens, ‘cause it’s been long enough! The action should pick up not too soon after the season four finale – with Don engaged to that buck-toothed hussie Megan, Joan pregnant with Roger’s baby, and the rest of the crew at Sterling, Draper, Price trying their best to save their fledgling business. Can’t. Fucking. Wait.

Update: I was right! AMC has confirmed March 25th as the premiere date.

WHAT TO DVR:

Mob Wives I completely missed Mob Wives when it first aired on VH1. I had really abandoned the network after they stopped airing seasons of Flavor of Love and Rock of Love. But a sick day marathon of Mob Wives made me realize that VH1 never really stopped making train wreck programming. And my god are there a lot of train wrecks on Mob Wives! These women are appalling, frightening, beasts who fight like rabid dogs and each suffer from delusions of grandeur. It’s amazing. You never really get whether these ladies love their mob past or want to break free from that.

The Celebrity Apprentice You gotta hand it to NBC. They sure know how to cast a good bunch of crazies. This season of The Celebrity Apprentice is no different. On the men’s team, you’ve got Arsenio Hall, Clay Aiken, Adam Carolla, Lou Ferrigno, Penn Jillette, Dee Snider, George Takei, Michael Andretti, and Paul Teutul, Sr. On the women’s team, there’s Cheryl Tiegs, Debbie Gibson, Tia Carrere, Victoria Gotti, Lisa Lampanelli, Dayana Mendoza, Aubrey O’Day, Patricia Velasquez, and Teresa Guidice. If I were a betting man, I’d say Arsenio Hall, Clay Aiken, and Penn Jillette, and Debbie Gibson are all safe bets to go to the finals. But with Trump’s inconsistent firings, it’s pretty difficult to predict what will happen week to week. Either way, it’ll be fun to watch it all go down – especially with funny lady Lisa Lampanelli around.

The Walking Dead We’re two seasons into The Walking Dead, and still we haven’t figured out what the hell caused the damn zombie apocalypse. I’m pretty sure we won’t find out this season, but I would love it if someone would at least address the question at hand. Until then, I’m pretty content with watching people kill zombies left and right.

Comic Book Men AMC’s taking their first stab at an unscripted show with Comic Book Men. The show follows the inner works of Kevin Smith’s comic-shop, and the employees and customers that surround it. Think of it as Miami Ink or American Chopper, but in about nerds. Which, actually sounds great. I’ve never seen a show that tackles the fanboy culture, and I’m excited to see what it’s like. Plus, as Kevin Smith said, “Draper. Meth. Zombies. This show couldn’t be on a better network!” I agree Smith. A great fit.

WHAT TO WATCH ONLINE:

Desperate Housewives When Desperate Housewives first began, the story focused on four friends banded together after their friend committed suicide. Now those four friends have all but turned against one another, and as the second half of the final season of Desperate Housewives begins, one has to hope that Susan Delfino, Lynette Scavo, Bree Van de Kamp, and Gabrielle Solis find it in their hearts to make up.

Shameless Showtime’s Shameless had a hard time comparing to the British series. The story was too similar to the original, yet the characters someone came off less interesting. Still, I watched every episode – and will give season two a shot. Mainly because I have a drinking game where every time Emmy Rossum gets naked, I drink. Play along and let’s get wasted!

House of Lies Showtime is probably hoping the 99% will fall in love with House of Lies. After all, the show follows a bunch of management consultants (Don Cheadle and Kristen Bell, among others) who hustle large corporations. You know, those motherfuckers in the 1%. Topical, but with such drama happening IRL, I’m not necessarily sure the half-hour comedy will give us enough meat to gnaw on.

Luck I’m not a huge fan of horseracing or gambling. But Dustin Hoffman, Nick Nolte, Dennis Farina, Michael Gambon, and Joan Allen? In a show directed by Michael Mann on HBO? Yeah, I my need to give this a chance!

WHAT TO READ ABOUT ONLINE THE NEXT DAY:

The Amazing Race hasn’t been given a premiere date yet, but I imagine when it does you may want to catch the first episode and then keep up with it here and there. The rest of it? Meh.

WHAT TO IGNORE:

I’m super over the Fox ‘Animation Nation’ block, so that’s very much on the back burner. Harry’s Law (with Kathy Bates) is on its third time slot – and probably on its way out to pasture to be shot. Save yourself some time and don’t give it a second of your time.

TGIF! We’ve been checking out the Spring 2012 TV season with the ultimate Survival Guide, seeing what to watch, DVR, stream, and read about, and ignore on TV! We’ve already covered Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Let’s see what Friday has to offer!

WHAT TO WATCH LIVE:

It’s Friday. Get up of the couch and go out. And if you want to stay home, catch up on all that stuff you’ve been DVRing all week or watch some of the shows below, live.

WHAT TO DVR:

Kitchen Nightmares Gordon Ramsay travels the country yelling at shitty business owners with failing restaurants. Sure, Gordon’s an asshole, and the owners are probably more interested in the free makeover by the Fox team than actually changing. But hey – at least the show’s entertaining! And although Gordon can be a total jerk sometimes, you can’t argue that he isn’t right!

Grimm No one is shocked more than I am having Grimm on this list. NBC’s fantasy – which is most simply described as a show about a detective who investigates supernatural cases – was one of the shows I thought you should ignore in the fall. But one day I had nothing to watch, so I rewatched the pilot and the second episode. And next thing I knew, I made it through the entire season, surprised about just how much fun I was having. If you wrote it off originally, I’d give it another chance. You’ll be surprised too how much fun you’ll have watching Grimm.

Fringe I’ve really loved Fox’s Fringe … up until this season. For some reason, I’m just let down by the direction it’s going. But I’m not fool – there’s no chance Fringe is returning next season. The ratings have been horrendous. So watching the rest of the season is time well spent.

Real Time with Bill Maher I like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report well enough, but HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher beats them all. Bill is a genius – each episode opens my mind in the right kind of ways.

Portlandia Fred Armisn (SNL) and Carrie Brownstein (Sleater-Kinney) have become all the rage recently. And for good reason too. Their IFC show Portlandia, now in its second season, is producing some of the best comedy on TV these days. Though it might be the internet they actually have to thank. Clips from season one quickly become web sensations, and Netflix instant-streaming helped expose folks to a show they probably wouldn’t have normally seen on IFC. If you haven’t seen it, I’d suggest giving it a view. It’s a perfect takedown of hipster culture, organic living, and a whole bunch of white people problems.

WHAT TO WATCH ONLINE:

Nothing worth streaming tonight. Enjoy your evening off!

WHAT TO READ ABOUT ONLINE THE NEXT DAY:

They don’t have very intense plots, but the Spartacus shows always have a fair amount of nudity. Search around the internet and you’ll see all the neekedness without any of that silly plot.

WHAT TO IGNORE:

A Gifted Man, CSI: New York, Blue Bloods, Nikita, Supernatural. Boring, boring, boring, boring, BORING.

We’ve been breaking down the Spring 2012 TV schedule all week this week, picking out what you should be watching live, DVRing, streaming, and ignoring on TV each night. We’ve already attacked Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Now it’s Thursday. Get comfortable – there’s a lot going down, including the surprise return of NBC’s “Must-See TV” Thursday night programming block.

WHAT TO WATCH LIVE:

30 Rock Hallelujah Liz Lemon is back. Tina Fey’s masterful comedy took the Fall 2011 season off so Fey could pop out a baby. But now the TGS crew is back – and assumingly, more ridiculous than ever. There’s no telling exactly what we’ll get this season (although I’m sure we’ll see some take on Tracy Morgan’s headline-making homophobic rant last summer). But with one of the best casts on TV (Fey, Morgan, Alec Baldwin, and Jane Krakowski, all at the top of their games), it’s safe to say they’ll be plenty of laughs.

Parks and Recreation Things in Pawnee just keep getting better and better. Amy Poehler, Nick Offerman, Aubrey Plaza, Rashida Jones, Chris Pratt, Rob Lowe, Adam Scott, Retta, and Jim O’Heir are putting out the most consistently funny and poignant comedy on television.  Great writing, loveable characters, and a whole lotta heart. TREAT YO SELF and watch live!

The Office Dunder Mifflin is suffering from a bit of an identity crisis. In the wake of Steve Carell’s absence, the show is struggling to find their pacing again. Ed Helms’ dimwitted Andy Bernard is taking the reins as Regional Manager, with James Spader’s creepy Robert California popping in all the time as CEO of Dunder Mifflin’s parent company, Sabre. Unfortunately, this odd couple just isn’t compelling to watch. The Office would do better to go back to focus on their outstanding supporting cast. Give Jim (John Krasinski) something better to do than play pranks on Dwight (Rainn Wilson). Pam (Jenna Fischer) can be way more than just a frustrated mom. And please guys – GIVE US MORE MINDY KALING! With changes like this, The Office can get its stride back. But eight seasons in, it may be time to say goodbye. I’ll still watch through the end (I’ve put in this much time!), though I guess I can see why you might want to take a break.

Up All Night NBC’s Up All Night was a big hit on Wednesday nights, so its no surprise that the network would quickly move it to anchor their Thursday-night comedy block. It’s a great fit too – Christina Applegate, Will Arnett, and Mya Rudolph have produced a silly, sweet look at balancing a life of work, family, and friends. I think Up All Night will finally hit its stride on Thursday nights. Hey – at least it’s not Whitney.

The Firm Movies don’t always transfer very well to TV (and vice versa), but when they do, the results are pretty spectacular (see: Friday Night Lights). It’s too soon to tell whether The Firm will be one of those good cases. But with strong performances and strong source material, I’m hoping for the best. The actions starts 10 years after the events of the original John Grisham novel/Tom Cruise film, with Mitch McDeere (Tom Cruise in the movie, Josh Lucas in the TV show), taking himself, his wife Abby (Molly Parker), and their 10-year-old daughter out of witness protection and opening a law firm. Procedurals ensue. The story is compelling, but Lucas is the real star here. He’s an underrated actors, and he delivers a powerful performance here. Plus, he’s super handsome. Have you seen those blue eyes? Hubba hubba!

WHAT TO DVR:

Wipeout I will never grow tired of seeing people fall down. And boy, is there a lot of that in ABC’s Wipeout. The premise really never gets old. A bunch of people go through an obstacle course filled with trap doors, swinging structures, and unstable platforms. Then they fall down. A lot. The fastest ones that make it through the four rounds of challenges, wins. But the real winner is you, sitting on your couch, laughing your ass off at these poor schmucks. DVR it and save for a hungover Sunday morning

Missing When Wipeout ends, ABC’s launching Missing – which won’t have nearly as many falls or laughs, but may be just as DVR-worthy. Ashely Judd stars as Becca Winstone, who travels to Europe to track down her 18-year-old son who has gone missing while studying abroad. Of course, it’s not that easy as just asking a few questions of his roommate and teachers. Winstone’s husband, a CIA agent, was murdered 10 years ago, and she fears there’s some connection here. Whether the rest of the series will deliver as many twists and turns as the pilot did remains to be unseen. But Judd is reason enough for me to tune in.

Project Runway All Stars There aren’t many all stars in Project Runway All Stars. Sure, Mondo and Austin Scarlett and Rami and Kara Janx are here, delivering some of the best work of their careers. But Michael? Jerell? Gordana? Mila? Give me a break. And as much as I love Anthony and Kenley and April and Sweet P for their personalities, I wouldn’t call them all stars. Alas, Lifetime is hoping you care enough about the franchise to give it a spin, and despite the fact that all the host, mentor, and judges are all new this cycle around, I’m giving it a shot. What can I say – I have a hard time letting go.

Jersey Shore Snooki and the gang return from Italy for a summer of debauchery back in Seaside Heights. Drinking, fighting, and all sorts of nasty hooking up ensues. And you watch every second of it because you love to hate them so hard.

WHAT TO WATCH ONLINE:

The Big Bang Theory Any show that puts Mayim Bialik on TV is completely okay with me.

Grey’s Anatomy The other night, I tuned in and watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy for the first time in years. And guess what? I still hated it. But I know that Grey’s has die-hard fans, and I fear their wrath without putting it on the list.

Archer I’m not a huge fan of adult animated comedies. I’ll admit that I’ve never seen an episode of The Simpsons and Family Guy that I didn’t laugh at throughout the whole show. But they’re not really for me. Well, that’s what I thought until I saw FX’s Archer. Inappropriate. Offensive. Hysterical. Well worth seeking out.

WHAT TO READ ABOUT ONLINE THE NEXT DAY:

If you’re keeping up with American Idol, you’re going to want to find out who got voted off. You might also want to check-in on what drama went down on The Vampire Diariesor The Secret Circle – though be prepared to be sucked in to more of the same there.

WHAT TO IGNORE:

Person of Interest was a huge disappointment in the fall. I really hoped it would be a compelling drama. Instead, it turned into a show with more plot holes than I’ve seen since Nip/Tuck. What a letdown. Luckily, I’d never be letdown by CBS’ Rob! because, well, it’s a ROB SCHNEIDER SITCOM. Kill yourself.

Happy hump day, friends! Curious what you should be watching live, DVRing, streaming, and ignoring on television tonight? Well, here’s your Spring TV 2012 Survival Guide (check out Monday, and Tuesday night’s picks if you haven’t already).

WHAT TO WATCH LIVE:

Survivor Alliances, challenges, tribal councils, immunity idols – it’s been 23 seasons of Survivor, and I’m still totally hooked on the game. Of course, even I can admit the past few seasons have sucked ass. Mainly because the “redemption island” feature and the constant returning players means that no one EVER seems to get voted off the damn island. Still, season twenty-four will probably have its fair share of entertaining moments. Oh, and twists and turns, since this season both tribes will share the same camp. Will they be able to outwit, outlast, and outplay while sleeping side by slide? We’ll just have to tune in and see.

Modern Family The more I watch Modern Family, the more I realize that Modern Family is probably the most formulaic show on TV. The characters are so damn predictable. It’s the same setup and payoff every time. Jay is grumpy, but deep down has a great big heart. Gloria overreacts to everything, but learns to calm down eventually. Phil is always a doofus, and Claire always puts up with him – no matter how much she complains. Mitchell is uptight. Cam is dramatic. Haley’s rebellious. Alex’s a nerd. Luke’s not the brightest bulb. Manny’s too mature for his own good. Same shit, different episode.

Oh, that doesn’t mean I’m not watching. Have you seen Modern Family? It’s hysterical!

Happy Endings I laugh about 70% of the time when watching Happy Endings. The other 30% of the time, I think about how weird it was that Casey Wilson used to be on Saturday Night Live. I mean, imagine if they hadn’t let her go? She would be sucking it up in the background of Gilly skits, all the while hoping someone would pay attention to her. Instead, she’s doing an ah-maz-ing job on Happy Endings, stealing the show amongst a group of outstanding and talented comedians (Eliza Coupe, Zachary Knighton, Adam Pally, Elisha Cuthbert, and Damon Wayans Jr.). It helps that the show is perfectly written – fast-paced and fun, with the right amount of cynicism and the right amount of heart. Be sure to check it out if you haven’t already.

Revenge If you’re not watching Revenge, then you’re not living. It’s just that simple. The juiciest guilty pleasure show on television right now follows Emily VanCamp’s Amanda Clarke as she returns to the world of the Hamptons elite to seek revenge on all the people who fucked up her life as a child. The top target? Madeleine Stowe’s Victoria Grayson – the cold-as-ice HBIC who won’t go down without a fight. Honestly, the shit goes down on this show week after week totally kills me. Just tune in – you won’t regret it.

WHAT TO DVR:

American Idol I’ve completely given up on American Idol. But I know that many of you out there still tune in to see the good, the bad, and the ugly battle their way through auditions, bad theme weeks, and those awkward group numbers. Randy Jackson, Jennifer Lopez, and Steven Tyler return to the judges’ chairs this year, and Ryan Seacrest will be back hosting as always. But in the world of The Voice and The X Factor, you have to wonder how much longer Idol can hold on?

South Park It’s hard to believe it’s been fifteen years since South Park first premiered. Now entering its 16th season, Comedy Central’s animated hit feel fresher than ever. That’s mainly due to the pitch-perfect writing by Trey Parker, who just may have the most brilliant and twisted mind working in comedy today. I have no idea what lies ahead for this season, but if the last few episodes are any indication, you’re probably going to want to set those DVRs.

WHAT TO WATCH ONLINE:

Suburgatory Making fun of the suburbs is like making a “Kim Kardashian’s marriage was so short” joke. It’s almost too easy. Yet ABC found a creative and unique perspective on the Stepford-land, making Suburgatorythe biggest surprise of the Fall 2011 season. Sure, when compared to another cynical teen-driven comedy like MTV’s Awkward, Suburgatoryfalls flat. Tessa’s (Jane Levy) “get me out of here” voiceover isn’t nearly as jaded – or funny – as Ashley Rickards’ (Jenna Hamilton). But Surburgatory has a level of heart missing in Awkward. Plus, can we talk about how this is really a teen-driven comedy on primetime television? And on ABC for that matter? For that reason alone, I’d throw support my way to Suburgatory.

Remodeled The CW is trying hard to find another reality TV show hit. But no matter how many series they launch around bad girls, rich girls, and pussycat girls dolls, the truth is, modeling is what seems to work for them. Well, maybe “work” is the wrong word, since winners of America’s Next Top Model rarely get “work” after the show. Regardless – The CW loves judging books by their covers.  And their new show Remodeled is here to do just that. The show follows modeling industry veteran Paul Fisher as he travels the country, working with small-town modeling agencies to empower models to take control of their careers and lead healthier lives. Think of it as Tabatha Takes Over, but with models. Should be fun!

WHAT TO READ ABOUT ONLINE THE NEXT DAY:

If you want to skip American Idol, a good recap blog with video will probably do. As for the rest of the leftovers, I can’t imagine anyone saying to you, “Hey, did you hear what happened on The Middle last night?”

WHAT TO IGNORE:

I’m actually thankful that NBC has grouped Whitney and Are You There, Chelsea? together. That makes it super easy to ignore these painfully unfunny shows. Speaking of things that are painful, One Tree Hill is back for it’s bazillionth season. Seriously guys? Enough already!

So the Spring 2012 TV season is upon us, and if you’re anything like me, you’re probably stressed about how you’re going to find time to watch all your shows. Never fear – NineDaves is here with a week-long Survival Guide for Spring TV 2012! We’ve already tackled Monday. Now, let’s see what you should be watching, DVRing, streaming, reading about, and ignoring on Tuesday nights:

WHAT TO WATCH LIVE:

Glee All hail Santana. She’s pretty much the only reason to watch Glee these days. Naya Rivera’s sassy, soulful bitch cheerleader has come a long way since season one. No longer just the one-dimensional mean girl robot, her coming out journey this season was unpredictable, exciting, and refreshingly lacking all the melodrama and pandering that surrounded Kurt’s coming out story. Moreover, unlike Kurt who cried in the corner and changed schools when he came out, Santana channeled all of her inner angst into her performances. And boy, did they rock. Like, how ah-mazing was that Rumor Has It / Someone Like You mashup? I still can’t stop listening to it. Just brilliant.

While Santana was stealing every scene she was in (sorry Jane Lynch – Sue Sylvester is sooo over, everyone else was sucking a big one all over the place. Like, Quin’s become a complete Emily Valentine-esque lunatic. Rachel and Finn and Kurt and Blaine did the impossible by making sex so incredibly lame, I’m pretty sure no teenager watching would ever want to do it. And Mr. Shu just may be the worst teacher ever. Honestly, the only other good thing about the show this season was Mercedes and her renegade Troubletones group. And guess what? That storyline is over. Oh well – at least we’ll still have Santana and all her glory!

Justified Justified is really about the villains, and without Margo Martindale, I’m pretty sure there’s no way FX’s Justified is going to be able to top its exceptional second season. But not matter how much we’ll miss Mags Bennett, we can’t forget that there are bigger villains out there. Like Boyd Crowder (Walton Goggins). And season three newbies Neal McDonough and Mykelti Williamson, who’ll play some bad-ass mofos who show up to cause trouble. Would Justified have it any other way?

WHAT TO DVR:

Cougar Town The cul-de-sac crew is set to return to ABC for their third season this March – and probably sooner, considering how Work Itis the worst sitcom of the past 10 years (and yes, I’m including 2007’s Cavemen in that list).  And it’s about time! I’ve missed Courteney Cox, Christa Miller, Ian Gomez, Brian Van Hold, Dan Byrd, Josh Hopkins, and the ah-mazing Busy Phillips since they’ve been off the air last Spring. And although ABC clearly isn’t giving Cougar Town a shot (they’ve reduced the episode order of this season from 22 to 15), I couldn’t possibly imagine life without these folks … and a good round of penny can.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Will someone please put Vicki Gunvalson out of her misery?  It’s been seven seasons of The Real Housewives of Orange County, and she just won’t quit it. Ever hear that phrase, “you don’t want to be the last one to leave the party,” Gunvalson? Get outta there.

Dance Moms How many times do I have to tell you people this? Do not mess with Abby Lee Miller. She’s like the honey badger of reality TV. She doesn’t give a fuck! She will scream at you in front of everyone – no matter where you are. And regardless of whose fault it is, you’re always going to end up the loser. Because Abby Lee Miller always wins. Even when she doesn’t make sense. See this quip from one of this season’s smackdowns: “I did not say your kid wasn’t talented. I made her – I know she’s talented!” Do you have any idea what that means? Yeah, me either. But do you think Abby’s right? Yeah, me too.

Parenthood If you haven’t been watching this phenomenal family drama, then you’re missing out on superb performances (Lauren Graham, Peter Kraus, Monica Potter, Erika Christensen, Dax Shepard, and Craig T. Nelson – all at their best), compelling storylines, and the most realistic portrait of family I’ve seen in years. Jump in and check it out now. Believe me – you’ll thank me later.

Fashion Star NBC has a habit of taking a long time to jump on trends. When every network started coming out with music-competition shows in the wake of American Idol, NBC waited until they had something different to offer. And that bet was worth it, as The Voice went on to be a massive hit.

Now NBC is hoping to strike gold again with Fashion Star, their entry into the fashion competition show market. Unlike Project Runway (and the plethora of lame-ass wannabes that came after it), Fashion Star isn’t interested in the opinions of a few fashion experts. Instead, the audience is the judge. 14 designers are competing to launch their lines at Macy’s, H&M, and Saks Fifth Avenue. Each week, buyers from those stories purchase designs from our contestants. Those designs will immediately be available in their respective stories – and whatever doesn’t sell, sends the designer home. Cool concept right?

Of course, that’s not all that keeps Fashion Star fresh. The show pairs designers up with celebrity mentors Jessica Simpson, Nicole Richie, and John Varvatos – three people who know a thing or two about launching their own fashion empires. They’re a nice differentiation from the stiff fashion judges we’re used to seeing. Of course, with Elle Macpherson hosting, we’ll still have someone mispronouncing words left and right. So at least there’s that.

WHAT TO WATCH ONLINE:

New Girl I know you guys out there really like Zooey Deschanel. But I still think she’s annoying as fuck, and refuse to give into quirky, “isn’t she so weird and unique and charming” bullshit you all seem blinded by. But since I know you really want to watch this unfunny comedy, I’ll let you watch it online. But if – and only if – you agree to roll your eyes at something Zooey’s character does at least once. Deal?

Southland When you weren’t watching, TNT’s Southland became the best cop drama on television – with Ben McKenzie, Regina King, and Shawn Hatosy putting in three of the most dynamic, compelling performances I’ve ever seen. The pacing can be a little slow from time to time (in a Mad Men sorta way). But as soon as the action starts, you’ll realize just how much you need a down moment to catch your breath.

WHAT TO READ ABOUT ONLINE THE NEXT DAY:

Sara Michelle Gellar has a huge fanboy/fangirl following, so you may hear a lot of chatter about Ringer. It’s one of the worst shows ever, so you probably won’t want to waste your time watching it. But a quick skim over a recap should keep you in the conversation. You may want to also check to see who got voted off DWTS.

WHAT TO IGNORE:

ABC Family has turned out a lot of great teen dramas in the past few years. Switched at Birth is not one of them. Tim Allen’s Last Man Standing and Work It would be a great hour of comedy to watch, if either of those shows were funny. Instead, they should be used as torture devices in North Korean prisons. And the only thing I’ve been able to remember about Unforgettable is that Poppy Montgomery slips in and out of her American accent so much, you have to wonder why the producers didn’t just make her character Australian in the first place.

Just when you thought you had your TV schedule all lined up, the networks have to go and screw things up. A bunch of mid-season shows premiere/d this month, while some of your old favorites have moved around. Never fear – I’ve got your Spring TV 2012 Survival Guide! Today marks day one of a week-long series. Here’s what to watch, what to DVR, what to stream, what to read about online, and what to ignore on Monday nights:

WHAT TO WATCH LIVE:

The Voice When The Voice premiered last summer, most critics quickly wrote it off as another American Idol­-wannabe. But without warning, The Voice blossomed into a pretty big hit for NBC – and completely changed the music competition series format. Now, everyone at NBC is hoping The Voice does big numbers for their spring schedule.

They’ll have some stiff competition, of course. This is the first time The Voice is going head to head with another singing completion – let alone the first big hit singing competition out there, American Idol. Positioning The Voice far away from American Idol is a smart move. But it’s how NBC has been marketing The Voice that I find the most compelling. Unlike Idol, who usually focuses on former winners and talented contestants in their advertisements, The Voice’s ads have been all about the judges: Cee-Lo Green, Adam Levine, Christina Aguilera, and Blake Shelton. There’s been no mention of last season’s winner (who I can barely remember anyway). Barely any shots of other contestants. Just highlights of those judges in those chairs. It’s a smart move since that’s the main reason we all watched anyway.

One more thing that might help The Voice succeed: it’s premiere date. NBC is giving The Voice the big post-Super Bowl time slot (on Sunday, February 5). Monday, February 6 will be the first time the show airs in its normal slot, and I have a good feeling it’ll hold on to most of its audience.

SMASH I’m pretty sure SMASH was created specifically with me in mind. A musical television drama about the making of a Broadway musical? Starring Grace from Will & Grace (Deborah Messing), season five American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee, that guy from the UK version of Coupling (Jack Davenport), and the Grand High Witch from The Witches (Angelica Huston)!? Plus a slew of Broadway superstars, including Megan Hilty (9 to 5: the musical), Christian Borle (Legally Blonde: the musical), Brian d’Arcy James (Shrek: the musical), Wesley Taylor (The Addams Family: the musical), and Will Chase (Rent)!?! And executive produced by Stephen Spielberg and directed by Tony-winning director Michael Mayer (Spring Awakening, American Idiot)!?!? Seriously, kill me now – I have died and gone to heaven.

SMASH (which I think is supposed to be written in all caps, but if it isn’t, that’s how I’m saying it anyway) was the best pilot that I saw last year – which is why I was totally bummed out when NBC held it for mid-season. But now that it’s almost here, I completely understand their strategy. Waiting until the buzz of the other hits (and, well, flops) passed was smart. And seeing as SMASH is the show critics are praising most right now should guarantee it a pretty – wait for it – SMASH premiere.

WHAT TO DVR:

How I Met Your Mother The seventh season of HIMYM has been a little rough to get through. The show’s lost a bit of its mojo. It all just feels so… serious. Still, if you’ve stuck out the “mother” mystery for this long, you’re in it to win it at this point. And in the moments when HIMYM hits all the right notes, it’s a pretty bit win.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Heading into the second season of RHOBH, I was pretty certain that the show was going to have a hard time overcoming the tragedy of Russell Armstrong’s death. Enter Brandi Glanville and Dana Wilkey – two “friends of the housewives” who have stirred up a lot of drama (and a lot of fun) this season. I’m still totally bored by everything Kim Richards does (which, apparently, is still a lot of drugs), think Adrienne and Paul have a horrible marriage, and for no explicable reason, hate the hell out of Lisa Vanderpump’s daughter Pandora (worst wedding invitation ever?). But all and all, it’s been a good season, filled with plenty of quotable moments (“Are you KIDDING me?” “color me slut”), odd characters (Kevin Lee, the “she shi shi” wedding planner), and dramatic events.

Which brings us back to Taylor. Back when Russell died, I begged Bravo not to shy away from the reality of the situation at hand. And although there’s a lot that I’m probably not still seeing, I’m happy to say they’ve pretty much stuck with it. Taylor’s abuse has been a big topic this season. And with three more episodes to go before the two-part reunion (including a finale at Pandora’s wedding – which happened after Russell’s suicide), I have a feeling that we’re going to be hearing a lot more.

RuPaul’s Drag Race / Untucked If you’ve ever sat through an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, then you know it’s pretty much the best reality competition show ever. A search for “the next great drag superstar,” RuPaul’s Drag Race gives a nod and a wink to Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model in its basic format. But where those shows have become stale and boring parodies of themselves, RuPaul’s Drag Race is fresh, funny, and always. on. point. As Cynthia Bailey would say, these girls know how to work it and be seen. The fourth season promises more insane challenges, more crazy guest judges (Jesse Tyler Ferguson! Kelly Osbourne! Elvira! Amber Riley! Pamela Anderson! Natalie Cole! Loretta Devine! Dan Savage! Jennifer Tilly! Jennifer Love Hewitt! Wynonna! Regina King!), and of course – more Ru. Be sure to stick around for the Untucked after-show, to see what’s going down behind the scenes at judging.

WHAT TO WATCH ONLINE:

Gossip Girl Here’s the problem with teen soaps: once the characters grow up and graduate from high school, the magic seems to disappear. Look at Beverly Hills 90210, Dawson’s Creek, and Saved by the Bell, for example. All the fun went away once those diplomas were handed out. Sadly, The CW’s Gossip Girl is suffering from the same post-graduation slump. As much as you once loved Blair, Chuck, Nate, Serena, and Dan, once these scheming, scandalous teens moved out of prep school, their ridiculous behavior became obnoxious. You’re adults. Enough with the plotting! Still, this season hasn’t been nearly as bad as last season was, so I’d still check in online now and again. Especially since these kids probably only have one more season left in them.

Pretty Little Liars Where Gossip Girl is failing, ABC Family’s Pretty Little Liars is soaring. Back for the second half of it’s second season, the mystery of who killed Alison DiLaurentis continues. And this half of the season promises more twists and turns than before. A delicious teen mystery drama at its best!

The Lying Game As if Pretty Little Liars weren’t tasty enough. Pair it with The Lying Game, and you’ll get your fill of teen trash. The shows follows two identical twins, Emma and Sutton (both played by Alexandra Chando) who trade lives and, in the process, discover a whole bunch of secrets about one another. It’s like a way better executed version of Ringer. Check it out online and you’re quickly be hooked.

WHAT TO READ ABOUT ONLINE THE NEXT DAY:

You’ll probably want to know who was kicked off The Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars. But save yourself the two hours of sitting through awkward dates and bad cha cha chas and just read a good recap (with video highlights).

WHAT TO IGNORE:

There’s a lot of buzz about J. J. Abram’s newest show, Alcatraz. Unfortunately, most of it is pretty bad. I sat through the pilot, and although I like the cast, I wasn’t really thrilled with the program. The same can be said for Bravo’s It’s a Brad, Brad World. Brad was super nice when we talked a few weeks back.’ Sadly, his show was painful to get through.  Oh, and if you’re watching the rest of CBS’ comedy block, I’m not sure we can be friends anymore. #bye