When culture pops, we wipe it up ...
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The other day, I was watching Fashion Police because I love Joan Rivers and desperately want to spite Lady Gaga, when an ad came on for an episode of one of those Kardashian shows. I can't remember which one ... I think something like Kim and K. Rool Take Ketamine, or Khloe Takes Kourtanee Behind a K-Mart or some sh!t like that. Anyway, I know it was only a thirty second clip, but it really does look like just the very worst of what America has MORE
Over the years, Kris Jenner has made millions of dollars and amassed tons of publicity by essentially turning her family into a 24/7 fame-whoring plant, to the point where even Joan Crawford would look at her and go, "wow, you really suck at this whole 'maternal' thing, don't you?" And then I like to imagine that Joan would beat Kris with a wire hanger before smashing her face into a bathroom floor covered in scouring powder. Anyway, yesterday, MORE
Considering that the Kardashian family is filled with more hazardous, radioactive waste than a Chinese toy factory, it's a small wonder that the CDC hasn't bothered quarantining them from the rest of society. Seriously, I'm pretty sure Kris Jenner is 73% silly putty, 25% used Gak, and 2% Grade F cat meat, all shaped into a vaguely hominid form. Well, allegedly Rob Kardashian is getting in on the game, as the most anonymous Kardashian allegedly MORE
Honestly, this is probably one of the most confusing mish-mashes of celebrities (well, one celebrity, and two pseudo-famous people) I've ever seen, so let's just plow into this one: As some of you may remember, Rita Ora and Rob Kardashian split up a little while back after Rob accused Rita of cheating on him with twenty other guys. Turns out, one of those guys was allegedly Jonah Hill. Yes, really. Us Weekly reports ... One person who isn't MORE
Some of you might remember a little while ago when Kim Kardashian's ex-cat, Mercy, suddenly died after she gave it away. Well, the brand new Kardashian Kristmas Kard -- The hard-C is the family's mortal enemy -- has made its way onto the internet, and the creepiest part is that they somehow found it appropriate to include a picture of Mercy, looking the most miserable I have ever seen a kitten look before. From Us Weekly ... The card features MORE
→ The top sixteen ugliest socks from Rob Kardashian's Arthur George sock line! BuzzFeed → Eye Roll Inducer Of The Day: Poor Sean Penn has never been loved before! Dlisted → Taylor Swift and boyfriend Harry Styles jetted off to England on her private jet PopCrush → Kate Walsh proves you can be over forty and look like you give a damn at the beach Yeeeah → Candice Swanepol showed off what she was blessed during a photo MORE
You know someone is a dignified, sophisticated rose in life's garden when their family replaces every hard C with the letter K. As a member of the illustrious Kardashian Klan (that's how they referred to themselves once, and I will never forget it), Rob Kardashian is nothing less than a krown prince of the American monarky, and showed as much yesterday on Twitter when he broke up with his girlfriend, Rita Ora, and did so by starting the MORE
All right, yes, Rob Kardashian barely counts as a Kardashian because his name doesn't begin with a K and he doesn't have his own reality TV show to constantly annoy the world with, but he's still a Kardashian dammit. Which is why I giggled a little bit when I read this story about him nearly getting arrested after he decided he would chase down a photographer as a prank. Ha ha! TMZ reports: Sources close to Rob tell TMZ he was out with some MORE
... By which I mean the exact opposite of that. Rob Kardashian celebrated 25 years of not being driven to suicide by his own mother, a feat that Kris Jenner rewarded by posting a picture of herself naked and pregnant with Rob for him and everyone to see, because there's nothing a man enjoys more than the sight of his mother's naked body. And if that wasn't Oedipal enough to convince him to finally end the suffering, she decided to tag along for MORE
Because it wouldn't be Christmas without the Kardashians releasing an off-putting Christmas card while bastardizing the English language with enough K's to make a white supremacist jizz in his pants, here's the 2011 version of the family's Kristmas Kard. I actually thought this was originally a still from American Horror Story, but then I realized that no one was dead (sadly) so clearly that wasn't the case. Oh well ... here are five things wrong MORE
It's time for Barbara Walters to roll out the names of the people she considered fascinating this year, and once again, the lady set the bar so low you'd have to dig into the freaking mantle just to find it. That's just what happens when you categorize the Kardashians as "fascinating", rather than "useless" or "annoying" or "according to Darwinism, you should all be dead like five times over by now." Yahoo News reports: Despite fallout MORE
Quick! What does Rob Kardashian do? HA! Trick question. He does absolutely nothing. He's got a famous last name and that's the only reason you're aware he exists. Except he's on Dancing with the Stars for some reason, probably because they needed to nepotism someone in there to fill the quota. See how that works? Anyway, in a bid to save her brother, Kim Kardashian cheated her fans into voting him onto the show by saying that the phone number to MORE
So remember how Michelle Obama said that she and her husband, Barack Obama, hate Keeping Up with the Kardashians and don't want their two daughters to watch it because it's a shit show where a bunch of no-talent, uninteresting whores yell at each other? Well, Rob Kardashian was on Ellen because why not have the least-known famewhore on the show, where he talked about how people can actually learn so much from watching his opportunistic family do MORE
So when the initial cast list for Dancing with the Stars was first announced, I initially pegged Nancy Grace as the show's token bitch with Kristin Cavallari a close second because every time they show up on TV as themselves, they always come across as insane assholes. Well it turns out I might have been wrong: the token bitch is actually Rob Kardashian. The show hasn't even started airing yet and already TMZ is reporting that Rob has pissed off MORE
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