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Rihanna has reptile boobs!

May 14, 2012 1:44 PM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Musicians Tagged With: ,

Rihanna posted more pics of her boobs on the internet, and to be honest, I’m worried. We, as a society, are reaching the point of over-saturation of RiRi’s boobs. Back in my day, if you wanted to see Rihanna’s boobs, you had to walk five miles through snow and ice just to maybe get a glimpse of the side of her boob, and we were happy with a little side boob action goshdurnit. Nowadays, kids just go onto Facebook, Twitter and Google and BAM, they have Rihanna boobs. We need to teach kids to work for their Rihanna boobs. Like Ayn Rand said: “Blah blah blah capitalism and free market and glarbedy glarbedy glarb … COMMUNISTS! COMMUNISTS EVERYWHERE! AIIIIIIIIIE!!! *Jumps out of window*”

Boobs.

Rihanna

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Rihanna pissed off everyone at ‘SNL’

May 7, 2012 9:24 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Musicians, Television Tagged With: ,

I’m not sure you know this, but putting Saturday Night Live together, and making sure that each live sketch written over the space of a week (that made the cut) and then subsequently performed over the course of ninety-minutes goes just right, requires a ton of planning and practice (even if the sketches aren’t funny). It all must fall exactly into place, everyone must hit their marks, everything must be timed down to the second. So of course, this past weekend’s musical guest Rihanna called in “sick” to dress rehearsals at the very last minute, and then acted completely fine when she actually showed up. This, of course, went over totally fine with everyone on the show. HA! Just kidding. Everyone hates her now. Via TMZ:

Rihanna was a no-show for her final rehearsal for Saturday Night Live — which did not sit well with the show’s producers, including head man Lorne Michaels … TMZ has learned.

According to our sources, RiRi called in sick for the dress rehearsal, which is done live in front of a studio audience right before the actual show. We’re told Michaels takes dress rehearsals very seriously and was quite upset when Rihanna bailed at the last minute. Our sources say that in her place, Rihanna’s choreographer danced to her songs. When Rihanna showed up later looking just fine, we’re told the staff was shocked … and felt she didn’t appear sick enough to have missed the dress rehearsal … though no one from the show called her on it.

According to our sources, once the live show got going, Rihanna was seen eating an apple and walking around in between songs … which bothered several staffers because she did not seem ill at all. We’re told producers can’t even remember the last time someone has skipped the dress rehearsal.

Saturday Night Live is one of the most finely tuned machines ever, and requires everyone who works on the show to work together and put in ungodly hours for the sake of making good television. Calling in sick to a dress rehearsal, which is put on for the purpose of ensuring that everything runs together well and the show doesn’t run too long or too short, is a prime way to make everyone involved hate you.

Rihanna

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Here’s Rihanna partying with strippers!

May 3, 2012 8:58 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Musicians Tagged With:

Me? Trolling for page views? Don’t be ridiculous. I’m merely posting these pictures from Rihanna‘s Twitter account of her throwing money on strippers for the sake of … oh crap, what’s that thing called when you do something good for humanity? Charity? Yeah, that’s it, I’m posting these for charity. Actually, I’m pretty sure the stripper with her tongue in the other stripper’s private area is actually named Charity.

Rihanna

I don’t know what’s better about this image: The fact that it was taken with Instagram (“Because why not ignore years of technological advancements for the sake of making your pictures look shitty and blurry?” – Every hipster ever.) or the accompanying quote from Rihanna:

#ROCstarshit my daddy would be proud

If Freud were alive right now, he’d have the biggest boner ever. Anyway, here’s another Twitter picture of Rihanna with a stripper because really, aren’t we all whores in one way or another? Especially me?

Rihanna

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Rihanna’s ‘Where Have You Been’ music video

April 30, 2012 8:32 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Music Video, Musicians Tagged With: ,

Since we’re almost into May, it’s time for everyone to start releasing the videos for the summer songs that will invariably be played at every house party, barbecue, and prom this year. So with that in mind, here’s Rihanna throwing her hat into the ring with her music video for Where Have You Been (off Talk That Talk), which is bombastic and dubsteppy enough to take the crown of 2012′s song of the summer. Possibly.

Rihanna - Where Have You Been

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Don’t ask Rihanna about Ashton Kutcher!

March 29, 2012 10:42 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Musicians Tagged With: ,

Personally, if I happened to be starring in Battleship (“Only the second worst movie you’ll ever see about pegging!” – not the actual tag line) and had to answer questions about it at a press conference, I would be only too glad to talk about anything other than that piece of shit. Suppressing a cat’s anal glands? Sure. Ex-boyfriends and why I dumped them? Absolutely. But Rihanna doesn’t feel the same way, because when someone asked her to talk about the rumors of her and Ashton Kutcher, she went all ‘bitch please’ on the poor reporter. You know, because it’s not like RiRi is famous and responsible for her actions, thus the public curiosity of her life is a natural trade-off for the money and adoration she receives. Let’s just all go back to talking about how a movie where aliens launch pegs at Navy ships isn’t a totally dumb idea.

Rihanna

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Are Rihanna and Ashton Kutcher really dating?!

March 26, 2012 2:20 PM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Actors, Musicians Tagged With: ,

Last week, rumors started going around that Ashton Kutcher was making sweet love with Rihanna, which is crazy because RiRi isn’t fifty-years old. Turns out, they’ve might have been doing each other for almost three months now. The Sun reports:

The 24-year-old singer hit if off with Two and a Half Men hunk Ashton at a mutual pal’s house party in Los Angeles last December. The Umbrella singer is so besotted with Ashton, 34, that she has asked about joining his Kabbalah group. Rihanna and Ashton, who subscribes to the mystical religion, have been meeting up for a series of late-night trysts after the singer returned to LA to record her latest album. She dropped in at his mansion around midnight on Thursday and stayed for four hours before being taken away in a car.

The weird thing about this is that I initially clicked on the article because, well, it’s a slow news day and famous people screwing each other is always good news. But the way they framed this is with the title “Rihanna’s Fling with Demi Moore‘s Ex”. Seriously. As if the two of them are somehow competing for Ashton, who lets face it, is lucky to have either woman at this point because he looks like a stoner and acts like a douche. What I’m saying is a ladies man he is not.

Rihanna and Ashton Kutcher

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Rihanna and Ashton Kutcher are hooking up?

March 22, 2012 10:48 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Actors, Musicians Tagged With: ,

The Good News: Rihanna might not be back to having sex with that one guy who beat the shit out of her with a car door and then used her face as a chew toy. The Bad News: turns out, she might be having sex with Ashton Kutcher, which is almost as bad, but in a totally different way. RadarOnline reports:

The Caribbean Queen was spotted leaving the Two and a Half Men star’s Los Angeles mansion early Thursday after arriving four hours earlier. Earlier Wednesday night, the S&M singer was seen grabbing dinner at the swanky Santa Monica restaurant Giorgio Baldi’s, along with her friend Melissa Forde. Dressed sexy as usual, the 24-year-old hitmaker paired up denim hot pants with heels and wore a scarf on her head.

Wait, what does that second part have to do with anything we were talking about? Absolutely nothing? And they basically just super-imposed a second story over the first one because they had, in reality, absolutely nothing to go on for the first story? Go figure.

Rihanna and Ashton Kutcher

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Reese Witherspoon told her kids not to be like Chris Brown

February 29, 2012 3:52 PM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Actresses Tagged With: , ,

Say what you will about Reese Witherspoon — specifically that she can cut diamonds with her chin. I swear to God, if I had a nickle for every time I heard that joke — but the girl has a good head on her shoulders and is not afraid to go in on someone famous if she thinks that they’re selling bullshit. Which is why she told People magazine that she talks to her kids to make sure they know not to be like Chris Brown and Rihanna, and that domestic abuse is never justified.

“We talk about domestic violence and what that means,” Witherspoon, 35, told People Tuesday at the 2nd World Conference of Women’s Shelters in Washington, D.C., about educating her own family.

“Although the concept is somewhat foreign to them, they’re starting to understand that this happens to families in our country and all throughout the world.”

Witherspoon’s two children – daughter Ava, 12, and son Deacon, 8 – have also talked with their mother about a recent public case: the felony assault by Chris Brown on then-girlfriend Rihanna in February 2009, after which he pleaded guilty.

“My daughter knows what happened. My son knows as well,” says the Oscar winner. “We talk about what is abuse. I think it’s important to talk to our daughters – and our sons – in order to educate them at an early age about what’s appropriate and what is absolutely not acceptable.”

Mind you, Chris is still completely incapable of taking criticism, no matter how warranted it is, so it’ll only be a matter of time before he tries to spin this like an Academy Award winning actress is jealous of his talent or something. “Bitch is just mad because she only won a Golden Globe, and a SAG award, and an Oscar. She’s trying to destroy my shine! I won a Grammy which means I can do whatever I want. MY GRAMMY IS WORTH MORE THAN ALL OF HER REAL AWARDS.”

Reese Witherspoon

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Rihanna and Chris Brown team up on remixes

February 21, 2012 7:04 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Musicians Tagged With: , ,

And just like that, the Chris Brown situation gets impossibly worse. It turns out, Rihanna has either forgiven Chris for beating her to near death and then not learning anything from it, or she wants to win back Chris’ pro-woman beating audience, because the two are collaborating on remixes of each others’ songs, because it’s not like Chris still shows signs of a potential abuser and the cycle of abuse won’t repeat itself again. Because that would be completely logical. TMZ reports:

It’s only been 3 years since Brown pummeled Rihanna’s face during a late night argument in L.A. … but the singer and her ex-con ex-BF have each released songs featuring the other’s voice. One is a remix of Rihanna’s song, Birthday Cake and the other is a new version of Chris Brown’s, Turn Up the Music. Both songs hit the Internet this week … and both Rihanna and Brown have been pushing the songs on Twitter.

Yay! No one learned anything, domestic abuse is being enabled and encouraged, and abuse victims everywhere are basically being told that they’re allowed to speak out against the people abusing them until it stops being convenient for others. So basically, what I’ve learned in the past week is that men view women as baby making machines they can smack around when they don’t work they way their husbands and boyfriends want them to. Thanks, awful rich people!

Birthday Cake (Remix)

Turn Up the Music (Remix)

Rihanna and Chris Brown

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Chris Brown was at Rihanna’s birthday party?!

February 17, 2012 7:22 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Musicians Tagged With: ,

Because every part of this whole Chris Brown thing has taught me that domestic abuse has become a justifiable offence as long as the beater in question is a hot, rich singer who can just dance his way out of his troubles, Chris was apparently at Rihanna‘s birthday party the other night and tried to make everyone there sign non-disclosure agreements so that no one would know that he and Rihanna are apparently back together now because he was willing to do the bare minimum when it comes to redeeming himself for beating her to near death. Water under the bridge. TMZ reports:

Sources tell us, Chris refused to enter the private party Monday night at the famous Hearst Mansion in Beverly Hills until everyone signed an NDA — sending his henchmen in beforehand to gather every partygoer’s signature. We’re told although they didn’t get EVERYONE to sign — Chris eventually walked in … and spent a huge chunk of the night nuzzling up against Rihanna. According to sources, the two got real intimate — sitting next to each other, talking, and holding hands … all perfectly legal ever since the restraining order was lifted.

Which sounds all nice and good until you realize that Chris’ behavior still indicates a very strong possibility of him assaulting someone he loves again. So basically, no one learned anything from this and everyone is still as horrible as they were when this whole thing started. Yay for arrested development! Because taking responsibility for your actions is hard.

Chris Brown and Rihanna

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