Another day, another episode of the coke-fueled hooker-parade that is Charlie Sheen‘s existence. Today, Charlie is texting the media to let them know that they’re all a bunch of shits for talking about him devouring briefcases full of cocaine and trading pink Bentleys for sex with whores instead of talking about Egypt.

“Believe nothing. I will never speak about any of this as long as I’m alive. You’re all gonna have to keep towing the same redundant line, guessing wrong.” He’s obviously following the news, because Sheen suggested the focus on his situation was overblown. “BTW, two wars are in an endless state of sorrow. Egypt about burned to the ground, and all you people care about is my bullsh-t….?” Sheen called it “pathetic” that the media cared about his personal life and how he chooses to spend it. “Shame shame shame,” he said. SOURCE

Yes, you’re the one snorting enough cocaine to kill a herd of elephants, locking hookers in closets, and continuing your legacy of violence towards women, but clearly we’re the asshole because we can’t all be Anderson Cooper. That’s like shooting a kitten in the face then complaining when someone gets pissed about that instead of getting pissed about Darfur.

So after nearly dying after trying to eat an entire briefcase of cocaine while creating the world’s most incestuous harem, Charlie Sheen has checked into rehab. The good news is that this pretty much derails the eight or so episodes of Two And A Half Men we’d have to suffer through. The bad news is this puts the cast and crew in a tough spot.

Sources connected with the show tell TMZ the crew is grumbling … worried they will be the financial casualties of Charlie’s problem. There are 300 people associated with the show, many of whom are nervous about not getting a paycheck. Sources say when production was halted last February while Charlie was in rehab, the crew was “partially compensated.” We’re told the studio hasn’t decided what to do this time around — whether the staff will be fully or partially compensated. A decision is expected soon. SOURCE

When you consider he went to rehab last February, and that he went into this stint calling everyone who told him to go to rehab “A Bunch of Turds”, this is going to go swimmingly, by which I mean he’s basically putting 300 people out of work for a shitty PR move to make everyone forget what an awful person he is.