When culture pops, we wipe it up ...
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Remember how Paris Hilton walked out of an interview after she was forced for the first time in her life to reflect on her actions and how they may have cost her her fame, which is at this point the only thing she has going for her? Well, now she's claiming that she was ambushed and the whole thing was one of those gotcha-style questions from the lamestream media. Though to be fair, every question can be considered a gotcha question when you're MORE
While her new Oxygen reality show tanks and she's still struggling to remain relevant despite the fact that she has no discernible talent, Paris Hilton has decided to film an interview with ABC's Good Morning America, and when asked is the rise of other equally stupid celebutards is sucking precious, precious attention away from her, Paris had a little moment where she had to suppress the part of her brain responsible for reflection and MORE
Now that Paris Hilton is no longer banging Cy Waits, she's decided to take the syph train to a new station, so now she's banging The Hangover director Todd Phillips, which officially makes The Hangover 2 only the second worst thing he's ever done. The unlikely pair began showing up together almost immediately after Paris confirmed she'd split from longtime boyfriend Cy Waits. She was caught kissing The Hangover producer/director at a MORE
That is easily the most terrifying thing I have ever written. EVER. Anyway, after some speculation last week, it looks Paris Hilton and Cy Waits are officially over, which means now would be an excellent time for you to invest in a chastity belt or some other caging device for your junk before Paris goes after it. I hear she can smell dick fear. And it is exactly what it sounds like. "We're not together anymore," Hilton said to thunderous MORE
Because sticking two terrible, terrible people together in a forced relationship for the publicity is the best idea ever, Paris Hilton and her token dick, Cy Waits, are reportedly breaking up after what feels like a fucking lifetime for the rest of us who have to put up with these two vapid little boogers. A source said, "He finds it hard to be in the spotlight and [deal with] the attention and stress on the relationship that comes with it." MORE
In the words of Shangela: Hallelu, ladies. Ha. Lle. Lu. Okay, so the bad news here is that while someone did, indeed, convince Paris Hilton to finally throw herself out of a plane, the downside is that she was safely attached to someone who knew how to skydive properly, which is honestly a gigantic letdown. Unless ... they didn't happen to pack her chute with lead weights or anvils, did they? No? Dammit ... well, I'm as disappointed as you here, MORE
Remember how Paris Hilton said that her new show was going to show how she's all grown up and taking responsibility for her actions? Yeah, that was a total crock of shit, because not only does the show make her come across as Hitler with a herp-infected vagina, but now she's blaming the network for not being able to find enough viewers to watch her be a self-involved harpy bitch. "Paris is furious that the show didn't premiere at the time it MORE
Remember that new show that Paris Hilton was coming out with that she said was supposed to show a whole new side of her that would help people realize she's an empathetic woman? Well it turns out it failed miserably, no one's watching it, and the people who are think it's the worst thing since sliced depression. It's literally so bad, the ladies of The View actually had to call her out for being a deplorable, boring, useless, vapid, talentless MORE
You'd figure seven years down the line, Paris Hilton would have probably gotten over the fact she had to release a sex tape just to make people forget she's a contemptible, talentless wench long enough to make her famous, right? But HAHA! You completely misunderstand how these things work. Now that Paris has another reality show (I'm assuming because scripts make the mushy-mush in her head feel owey) she's back to talking about how that sex tape MORE
Remember that dumbass pink Bentley Paris Hilton got for basically being a useless, vapid bitch? Remember how she paraded it around, completely oblivious to the fact that it more or less represented everything people hated about her? Well, prepare for a little karmic justice: The damn thing just got trashed by someone driving around in one of her other cars. All together now: AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sources close to Hilton tell us -- the unnamed driver MORE
Remember how last week, Paris Hilton made a crack about Lindsay Lohan's love of stealing jewelry on her terrible reality show? And then Lindsay got whatever slutty undergarments she's currently wearing in a twist? Well, the feud is off! Paris apologized to Lindsay or some shit, and now the two of them are best frenemies forever, or at least until one of them makes a catty comment about the other and they start trying to tear each other's jugular MORE
Never one to let a joke about her roll off her shoulders, Lindsay Lohan is hitting back at Paris Hilton after Paris took a jab at Lindsay on her new reality show, despite the fact that no one will watch Paris' show because it looks goddamn AWFUL. So basically, a tree fell in the woods and no one really heard it, but Lindsay wants you to know what a bitch Paris is. Lindsay Lohan is pissed off with Paris Hilton -- claiming the shot Hilton fired at MORE
Oh joy, it's slutty, blonde, has-been pot versus slutty, blonde, has-been kettle. Anyway, on her shitty show on the Oxygen network (HAHAHAHAHA!) that will probably get canceled after a couple episodes, Paris Hilton makes a big show about "volunteering" to help the homeless because she loves "giving back", and when she gives a woman her earrings only to be mistaken for Lindsay Lohan, Paris makes a crack about her theft charges. MORE
Despite cementing his status as an American hero by attacking Paris Hilton and her stupid boyfriend, Cy Waits, the man who attacked them, James Rainford, has been sentenced to 227 days in jail for misdemeanor battery. On the plus side, this is Los Angeles so chances are he'll probably only spend a couple hours in there before - oh wait, I just remembered, he's not Lindsay Lohan. Never mind. Earlier today, James Rainford pled no contest to MORE
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