Nadya ‘Octomom’ Suleman posed naked!

A couple years ago, back when Nadya ‘Octomom’ Suleman was still a thing and people just couldn’t get enough of the batshit crazy lady who pushed out eight kids when she already had six she had no way of caring for, Vivid Video offered her $1,000,000 to do a porno with them. Of course, she said no, because she was too good to put ridiculous things in her vagina for money. Pushing ridiculous things out of her vagina for money was a whole other matter. So here she is posing naked for the British magazine Closer for $10,000, because she always makes great life choices. TMZ reports:

Nadya Suleman is days away from being homeless … the house she owns that has been in and out of foreclosure for more than a year will be sold at an auction Thursday … so Octo needs a new crib for her brood … stat. The dilemma — getting first and last month’s rent together, so Octo has gone naked. She posed for the European magazine, Closer. Sources tell TMZ … Octo got $10,000 for the shoot, which is what she needs to rent a new place. Octo is being very up front now about some misgivings about having 14 kids, saying, “I’m doing that (posing nude) because I need to feed my kids. I need to pay the bills. And I’m still very cognizant of the repercussions of my choices.”

Of course, if you’re like me you’re probably asking why she turned her nose up at $1,000,000 when she knew she had to do everything she could to keep her 14 kids from dying of starvation, only to settle for 1% of the pay day for doing the exact same thing years later. To which I say: this is the same woman who thought having more kids than she could afford would also be a fiscally responsible decision. You can’t question why Nadya does what she does because she’s morally vacuous and thinks losing money is the same as earning money. It’s the perfect storm of unlogic and moral nothingness.

Nadya 'Octomom' Suleman

Heather Morris has alleged nude pics too!

After the web was blessed with the double whammy of Christina Hendricks‘ and Olivia Munn‘s alleged-but-probably-fake nude pictures last week, there was apparently just enough miracle left over for one more go around, which is why there are now alleged nude photos of Heather Morris, who some of you might remember as one of the last reasons to still watch Glee at this point, because it sure as hell isn’t for that Finn/Rachel ridiculous marriage storyline. The Daily Mail reports:

A series of pictures which seem to be of the 25-year-old actress were leaked yesterday. One shot shows Heather, who plays Brittany S. Pierce in the hit US TV show, donning her Slave 4 U outfit from the Britney Spears episode of Glee, while another shows her wearing a black bikini top and miniskirt. Other shots, however, are slightly more intimate, showing a woman who looks a lot like Heather baring her naked body for the camera. It remains to be seen what Heather says about the leaked photographs, although she has posed for nude pictures in the past before she shot to fame on Glee.

Say what you will, but nude pictures leaking really can’t be any more embarrassing or damaging to your career than, say, getting stuck in a terrible student-teacher sexual relationship plotline. Isn’t that right Mark Salling? See? This is why you should have just released pictures of your dick. Now you’re forever going to be known as “that talented guy who banged Idina Menzel in the worst storyline ever.” Yes, any post that’s even tangentially related to Glee will devolve into me criticizing Ryan Murphy for his shitty story arcs.

Heather Morris

SEE MORE PICS AT CELEBSLAM

Lindsay Lohan’s entire Playboy spread has leaked!

After a certain someone (*cough* Dina Lohan *cough*) leaked the cover of Lindsay Lohan‘s new Playboy issue onto the web, Playboy is now freaking out over the fact that HOLY CRAP! People can see Lindsay naked on the internet! Which you totally couldn’t do before by Googling, oh say, “Lindsay Lohan naked”. But in all fairness, she was naked and dressed like Marilyn Monroe, which was totally unique to her Playboy shoo- Oh wait. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan’s highly classified Playboy photo shoot leaked to the Internet this morning — one week before the issues was set to hit newsstands — and TMZ has learned Playboy honchos are “freaking out.” First off — the pics aren’t bad .. it’s a Marilyn Monroe thing … and it works. Playboy sources tell us … there are fears the leak could significantly damage sales of the magazine … which is expected to be the best seller of the year.

So basically, Playboy is worried that people might see Lindsay Lohan naked … early? Oh come on, we already saw her vagina at the Venice Film Festival. Over five years ago. And hell, I could barely care about it back then, and that was back when she still had something vaguely resembling a career. I mean hell, has anyone else noticed that for her cover, she’s sitting in the same chair that Marge Simpson got for her cover? That’s right: LiLo is now surviving off of the sloppy seconds of cartoon characters.

CLICK HERE TO SEE LINDSAY LOHAN’S ENTIRE PLAYBOY MAGAZINE SPREAD (NSFW)

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan to debut her Playboy spread on Ellen?

Despite the fact that Ellen DeGeneres‘ show is pretty much the cutest, most adorable G-rated family daytime talk show out there, someone was apparently kicked in the head by a horse or something because Lindsay Lohan will debut her Playboy magazine spread on Ellen, because showing everyone a drug addict’s naked photo spread in a girlie magazine is totally appropriate for the television show my grandma watches. Page Six reports:

Lindsay Lohan will unveil her highly anticipated Playboy spread during an interview on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, her rep told NewsCore Tuesday. In her first television interview since she served jail time for violating her probation, Lohan, 25, will chat with DeGeneres on December 15th to promote her pictorial in the January/February issue of the men’s magazine. The issue will go on sale in late December.

Oh hell, I cannot wait to see how Ellen tries to introduce Lindsay. “Our first guest used to be a famous actress, but then she blew it all away on cocaine, DUIs, and necklace stealing. But now she’s found herself back on top thanks to her letting photographers take pictures of her vagina for an 84-year-old man’s magazine, all while her family watches! And now we’re going to show you her firecrotch! In related news, I just fired all my producers.”

(Sidenote: You know your career is over when your vagina doesn’t even make sweeps week!)

Lindsay Lohan - Playboy Magazine

Lindsay Lohan’s vagina will be strategically covered up!

By now it should be plenty obvious that the only reason Playboy magazine wanted to have Lindsay Lohan as the centerfold in an upcoming issue is because (A) she has no other career to speak of, (B) drug addicts will do anything for money, and (C) vagina. The only reason Playboy wanted LiLo is because she was willing to show everyone, including members of her own family, her vagina aka her firecrotch. So of course, The New York Post is saying that Lindsay’s vagina will no longer be featured in the shoot, and since this is Lindsay, she’s going to pretend she’s Marilyn Monroe (which keep in mind she already did for New York magazine) because any blonde slut can compare themselves to Monroe these days.

“He felt the initial shots looked too much like a Kate Moss-inspired fashion story — Lindsay’s choice — where he wanted more of a classic Hollywood Marilyn Monroe feel,” a source said. This weekend, Lohan was accompanied by lawyers, agents and publicists who, sources said, “gave their two cents about what was considered ‘nude’ and what was not.” Sources said Lohan ended up delivering the Monroe-inspired images Hefner wanted. She’s expected to appear nude, but “strategically covered up” in certain shots. Reps for Lohan and Playboy declined to comment on the shoot, but Playboy confirmed that Lohan will be featured in the January/February issue.

So basically, Lindsay is flashing her vagina again and comparing herself to Marilyn Monroe. Are you shitting me? This is what she does every time she has to cross the street. “Hey cars. *Vagina* Get out of my way, I’m Lindsay Lohan. And also Marilyn Monroe. I am Marilyn Monroe possessing the lifeless, cocaine-overdosed body of Lindsay Lohan. *Vagina* Death to traffic cones!”

Lindsay Lohan

Taylor Swift’s nude photo scandal!

Did you know things happened today that didn’t involve celebrities dressed as other people or Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries divorcing because Kim is a rampant fame-addict who would do anyone or anything … actually, just anyone. Yeah, let’s stick with that. Anyway, there was also some sort of kerfuffle over Taylor Swift‘s boobies today, after gossip blog Celeb Jihad posted what looked like but are in no way actually pictures of Taylor topless. The Huffington Post reports:

The photo in question shows a young blonde, who bares a striking resemblance to Swift, sprawled across a bed wearing only a pair of blue underwear. But along with some curious clickers, the website may also be receiving a lawsuit from Swift’s lawyers. If the photo is not removed from the website, Swift and her team are prepared to sue for trademark infringement, reports TMZ. A letter from Swift’s representatives to Celeb Jihad stated that their story was based on “false pornographic images and false ‘news.’”

I’m gonna side with Taylor’s reps on this, if only because she seems pure and innocent. Almost to a fault. She looks like the kind of girl who showers in a sweater. For some reason, whenever I try and imagine what her boobs might look like, all I can think about are two large nipple-less lady lumps. Sorry, I just can’t picture her as a sexual being. It would be like trying to think about Bambi getting it on. Ain’t gonna happen.

Taylor Swift

Scarlett Johansson’s naked pictures are copyrighted!

Wanna hear something sad? A post I wrote yesterday about what were ALLEGEDLY blurry pictures of Scarlett Johansson‘s tits and ass, got HUGE numbers despite nobody knowing whether the pictures were actually fake or not. Well, it gets worse: not only has been confirmed that there really are naked pictures of Scarlett Johansson floating around the web, TMZ is now reporting that she’s also sending cease and desist letters (via her lawyer) to websites demanding they take down the topless / naked shots of Scarlett Johansson because she owns the copyright on the ‘private’ photos of Scarlett Johansson’s boobs and bum (I’m really trying to get those sweet Google page hits).

TMZ has learned … Scarlett’s attorney — legal pit bull Marty Singer — has fired off threatening letters to various sites demanding that the sites remove the “stolen copyright protected private photographs” immediately … or face legal action. Singer claims, “The highly personal and private photographs at issue capture our client self-posing in her own home in a state of undress and/or topless.” And just to make sure he’s perfectly clear, Singer concludes … “If you fail to comply, you will be acting at your own peril. Please govern yourselves accordingly.”

Quick little aside to celebrities here: First off, DO NOT TAKE NAKED PICTURES OF YOURSELVES IF YOU DON’T WANT THEM TO LEAK BECAUSE THEY WILL ALWAYS LEAK, YOU STUPID IDIOTS. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move onto the pressing matter of learning how to adhere yourself to gossip blogs: Generally speaking, there are human beings behind them all, and they can be negotiated and talked to in a way that you can, if not getting a complete free pass, at least get them on your good side so that you can get a little good PR. Sending your “pit bull lawyer” after them? A little drastic and really doesn’t get the same results as asking politely. And if nothing else, try and remember: They’re just tits. Big whoop.

Scarlett Johansson

Links: The most important leaked celebrity nude photos!

POP NOSH

Oh my gosh! Lady Gaga’s pierced vagina made a public appearance! (NSFW) OMG Blog

Scarlett Johansson has contacted the FBI about those newly leaked nude photos! Rickey

Halle Berry wears a sexy bikini and shows PDA with Olivier Martinez in Spain! PopSugar

I cannot wait to see Johnny Depp in Tim Burton’s new film Dark Shadows Caught On Set

Mila Kunis’ phone (with sexy pics of Justin Timberlake) has been hacked! Socialite Life

Victoria Beckham believes baby Harper feels at home when visiting Prada! Oh No They Didn’t

You guys really need to see this totally insane Thom Browne Collection, okay? The Frisky

Amy Childs kind of looks like an older, fake tanned, busty British Miley Cyrus! Hollywood Tuna

Actress Keira Knightley talks about getting spanked by Michael Fassbender! Celebs

Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried pose as the perfect couple for W magazine! Cele|bitchy

Find out who lands in the most important leaked celebrity nude photos list! (NSFW) BuzzFeed

Scarlett Johansson

Elisabetta Canalis would rather go naked than wear fur! In Case You Didn’t Know

Here is a new shot of the gorgeous Rachel Weisz for Bulgari eyewear! Oh La La

Anderson Cooper’s wax figure definitely doesn’t beat the real deal! I’m Not Obsessed

Taylor Kinney cheated on his girlfriend Brittany Sackett with Lady Gaga? Pop On The Pop

Sarah Palin is a sex-crazed cokehead, or so a new book says! What?! Celebrity Smack

Does anyone know when Jessica Simpson will marry her man Eric Johnson? Hollywood Rag

Attention Madonna: see-through pants only work if you’re a genie or a gay pirate! Yeeeah!

More proof that LeAnne Rimes is simply a skeleton with a light covering of skin! Evil Beet

Photos of battered Real Housewife Taylor Armstrong have been released! Allie Is Wired

Beyoncé’s on top right now — so why not Photoshop the living hell out of her! CityRag

The Daily Crunch: Nicki Minaj, Madonna, Marina & The Diamonds, and Joe Jonas! Arjan Writes

Scarlett Johansson’s nude pictures leaked?

Because let’s not even try and pretend anymore that the Internet is just a dumping ground for famous titties, nude pictures were leaked onto the web early today featuring a woman who is allegedly Scarlett Johansson (allegedly being the key phrase here, because they couldn’t look any faker if they were colored on construction paper using crayons) showing off the goods. Which is an absolute outrage, because we all know famous titties should only be whipped out in order to win an Oscar! The Huffington Post reports:

Back in March, TMZ reported that a group of hackers stole the nude photos of up to 50 A-list actresses, hacking into their email accounts to take the sensitive shots. Vanessa Hudgens, who was one of the most prominent victims of naked piracy, spoke with the FBI about the situation, and word was that the investigators were hot on the trail of the hackers. Amongst the starlets who allegedly had their pictures compromised was Scarlett Johansson, and early Wednesday, the photos leaked online to a number of sites. Whether or not the pictures are real remains to be seen (they look less than authentic, to say the least), but TMZ now reports that sources close to the actress confirm that she is dealing with the FBI over the matter.

While I have no idea if the photos really are of Scarlett, the FBI is apparently getting involved now because God help us all when we can see boobs on the internet. You know, without going on to Google and typing “BOOBS” and hitting the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button because who the shit are we kidding, as long as they big and bouncy and attached to a female, straight men don’t give a shit whose nipples they’re staring at. Or as my father put it, “tits is tits”. (Click the image below for the NSFW version!)

Scarlett Johansson

Kate Winslet. Nude. ‘Nuff said.

So Kate Winslet‘s new ad for Lancôme hit the web recently, and it features her writhing around on the floor naked and you’re not even reading this because you’ve already scrolled down and clicked on the video shot by Mario Testino, haven’t you? I could literally write anything here and no one would be the wiser, would they? All right, fine. Until I was nineteen, I thought that line in You Oughta Know about the cross she bears actually went ‘the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me’. Hand to God.

Kate Winslet

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