Funny or Die: The Scent Of Snooki

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

This just in from the folks over at Funny or Die ... The Scent of Snooki featuring Jersey Shore star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and her new perfume which is a real product. It could seriously make the perfect stocking stuffer this coming holiday season for all the orange pickle-eating famewhores in your life! MORE

Snooki is not a role model, so sayeth Snooki!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

Proving my theory that the cast of Jersey Shore is, in fact, completely self-aware of how they come across on their show, Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi made an appearance on the Today Show to promote her second book (side-note: WHAT?!) and made sure to tell everyone that the character she plays on Jersey Shore is by no means a role model. You know, just in case you thought it was totally cool to plop your kids in front of the television screen, point MORE

Nicki Minaj declares fridging the new planking!

Nicki Minaj

Apparently planking is so yesterday, it's all about fridging now, a hot new trend started by rap diva superstar Nicki Minaj (thanks to sexy outtake from a Glamour magazine photo shoot)! Everyone seems to be partaking in the fun, including Jersey Shore famewhore Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi who stuffed her orange self into a mini-fridge (pictured below). So stop planking and put your ass into the fridge ASAP (but please do not lock yourself in), get in MORE

‘Snooki’ took Anderson Cooper tanning!

Anderson Cooper

I have no idea why, but there's something about delivering the news that causes certain men to actually get sexier with age. Like Jon Stewart or Anderson Cooper. Speaking of everyone's favorite sexy silver fox, Anderson went spray tanning with Jersey Shore famewhore Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi for his new daytime talk show, because nothing says 'sexy' like being hosed down with chemicals that alter your skin tone. Which is kind of a shame because I MORE

Snooki is a slutty, useless news anchor now!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

You see? YOU SEE?! This is what happens when you encourage stupid orange creamsicle whores. Anyway, Jersey Shore star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi was, for some reason, allowed to stand in front of a camera and read jokes about recent news in a stilted tone while she burps and eats pickles. Get it? It's like she's in on the joke now! Except being self-aware to the fact that you're an awful human being and not doing anything about it doesn't give you MORE

Snooki thinks Italy needs more tanning salons and fast food


In case the tan, the bump-it and the fact that she generally acts like a two-dollar Vegas whore weren't a tip off enough, Snooki is basically trash. Case in point: After her big all-inclusive trip to Italy -which she actually got paid to go on - she came back and bitched all about how Italy needs more tanning salons, nail places and McDonald's, because who needs to go across the Atlantic for art and culture when you can find low-brow bullshit MORE

Is MTV turning Snooki into a drunk?

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

So after a video surfaced yesterday of Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi drunkenly dancing with a potted plant (aka, literally the closest I will ever get to shooting fish in a barrel of vodka using a rocket launcher), one of Snooki's ex-boyfriends decided to mouth off about the ordeal. You remember the one, right? The one who proposed on the cover of some backwoods magazine no one cares about? Yeah, that bitch. Anyway, he's convinced that MTV is turning MORE

Here’s Snooki dancing with a potted plant!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

I honestly have nothing to add to this. It's Jersey Shore star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi. Drunkenly dancing with a goddamn plant. Honestly, that's a joke in and of itself. Anything more than that and you're just rubbing it in. The reigning queen of drunken Jersey Shore antics seriously upped her game at a bar in Seaside Heights on Saturday -- by sloppily dancing with a decorative plant like it was a juiced-up gorilla version of Mark Ballas. So MORE

Snooki is cursed!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

I swear to God, this has to be some sort of post-modern performance art. The only explanation here. Anyway, Snooki was apparently being an annoying bitch while trying to attract customers to a pizza parlor they've been working at in Florence for the show (although if we're going with stereotypical Italian jobs, I think Snooki would have made way more money as the monkey of an organ grinder, what with her being small and hairy) and the bitch MORE

Snooki might be fookied!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

So remember how Snooki ended up rear-ending a cop car in Italy, because it's a terrible idea to give a driver's license to an alcoholic wishing troll who needs a broom stick just to push the gas down? Well, not only is her driver's license being taken away, but she's also facing a potential lawsuit for being a dumbass who doesn't know how to stop when her car is up someone's ass. The incident, which sent two Italian police officers to the MORE

Snooki’s fender bender in Italy … with a cop!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

It's good to know that even when the Italian government is literally forcing the cast mates to not drink and stay out of trouble, they can still find a way to completely fuck up. If Ronnie's beating of The Situation wasn't enough (on a side note, how is Ronnie not an American hero just for that? You're doing God's work, son) it now looks like Snooki has been taken into custody for rear-ending a cop. I mean, with her car. Not like ... that! MORE

‘H8R’ is the logical conclusion to humanity!

H8R with Mario Lopez

Remember when I told you about that show H8R, where useless celebrities go out and try to convince people they're not completely worthless by yelling at them like spoiled children who had their candy taken away? Well, the CW was kind enough to post two clips online from the show (hosted by Mario Lopez) featuring Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Kim Kardashian and I was completely right: It's awful! And I don't mean bad as in "wow, Two and a Half Men MORE

Worst. Reality show. Ever.

Kim Kardashian

You know what I love about reality shows? It's the fact that, unlike real, scripted shows wherein progress is marked by character growth and new ideas, reality TV's progress is based entirely on how morally bankrupt they can make it. Which is why they're making a show where they take the most contemptible people on the planet and make them harass the people who rightly hate them. The premise is simple enough - celebrities confront the people MORE

Anderson Cooper vs. Snooki!

Anderson Cooper and Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

How's this for depressing: it's officially gotten to the point where Anderson Cooper has to take time out of his show to tell the world to stop paying Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi to be a drunken whore. Depressing. Anyway, on 360 with Anderson Cooper, everyone's favorite muscle-bound silverfox discussed the scandal over Snooki being a higher paid college speaker than author Toni Morrison, despite the fact that one is a respected writer and the other MORE