Dancing with the Stars’ season 17 cast list!

Dancing With The Stars Season 17

You know the drill, another season of Dancing with the Stars (premiering September 16th), another season of celebrities trying to convince us all that they know how to tango and yadda yadda yadda. What can they possibly do that would surprise me or get me emotionally invested in a show like -- BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY IS GOING TO BE THERE? YES! 1000x YES! Here's the cast list! Billy Nye (Bill Nye the Science Guy) with Tyne Stecklein Christina MORE

‘Jersey Shore’ got canceled!

Jersey Shore

This past week was great for people who hate trashy reality TV: First, Kim Kardashian got a royal smackdown when she tried to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and now, after six seasons (which is roughly seven too long) of Jersey Shore, someone at MTV decided to pull the plug on the show, and then hopefully, wrap the cord around the show's neck and strangle it. Variety reports ... MTV has decided to cancel its signature franchise MORE

Snooki had a baby boy, Lorenzo!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Jionni LaValle

Oh the hell with it, for once I'm not going to be all bitchy and caustic about Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi. Consider that my baby shower gift, as yesterday she gave birth to her six pound baby boy, Lorenzo Dominic LaValle. What? Are you expecting a mean joke here or something? You know what? Fine. Later. We'll do one later. Just read the blockquote from MTV first ... After nearly six rambunctious seasons filled with hot-tub hookups, prowling for MORE

Snooki is having a baby boy!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Jionni LaValle

Because Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi is actually going to go through with this, In Touch gave her a cover story to tell the world that she's having a baby boy. Fantastic, now we have a proper pronoun for whom we must pray for. Snooki tells In Touch that she and Jionni LaValle are deciding between two names – Lorenzo or Jionni Jr. And while she’s thrilled to welcome a son, the 24-year-old admits she was hoping for a mini-me. “I thought it was MORE

Pauly D is going to deejay during Snooki’s delivery?

Paul DelVecchio and Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

When it was announced that Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi was pregnant, everyone immediately jumped on the easy 2012 jokes, but I went ahead and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Hey, she might not be the smartest cookie, but at least she cares and has the means necessary to care for a kid. Well, turns out I was wrong, because these words about having Pauly D play music in the delivery room left her mouth and landed smack on People's website: "She MORE

Snooki is really pregnant!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi - Us Weekly

Well, to the shock and surprise of pretty much no one at this point, Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi managed to snag a deal with Us Weekly to announce that she was pregnant and engaged on their latest cover. Well, not so much "announce" as "confirm" since she spent the better part of the week walking around looking insanely preggers with a massive ring on her finger. Not exactly the best way to hide that shocker. After weeks of rumors, Nicole 'Snooki' MORE

Snooki’s ex-boyfriend wants her to miscarry!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Emilio Masella

For those of you who don't remember who Emilio Masella is: you lucky bitches. Anyway, Emilio was this tiny petulant ball of steroid abuse and attention-whoring who used to date Jersey Shore star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi. When she tried to dump the dumb bastard, Emilio tried to propose to her on the cover of Steppin' Out magazine -- shirtless mind you, because that situation clearly wasn't sad enough. Anyway, now that Snooki is pregnant and MORE

Heaven Help Us: Snooki is pregnant!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

Remember how earlier in the month, Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi was rumored to be preggers, which everyone just sort of wrote off as Snooki eating way too many pickles and walking around with a food baby? Well, turns out she might have been pregnant all along, and she was just hiding it so that she could score a sweet cover story (and paycheck) from Us Weekly. Page Six reports: Sources said the reality star, who denied being preggers earlier this MORE

Snooki was banned from a wine shop!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

Because nothing bad has ever happened from publicly banning a Jersey Shore star from using your product -- unless you count that time Abercrombie & Fitch tried to keep their douchewear off of doucheking Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino. Whoops! -- a winery in Jersey City has publicly banned Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi from their shop while she's there shooting her show. Pfft, like Snooki drinks wine. Anything less than moonshine would be like tap MORE

‘Snooki’ isn’t actually pregnant!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

So for some reason, someone thought that Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi might be pregnant despite the fact that she's been dropping pounds as if Tequila were suddenly calorie-free and that there's no way in hell someone could lose that much weight while incubating a fetus. Well, Snooki is answering back, saying that she is not pregnant and would really appreciate it if you stopped calling her fat. TMZ reports: The Jersey Shore star left Sirius XM MORE

Snooki and JWoww can’t shoot in Hoboken!

Snooki and JWoww

As some of you might remember, MTV gave the greenlight to a Jersey Shore spin-off starring Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Jenni 'JWoww' Farley, because let's face it, if people have to hear about Ronnie and Sammi's won't-they-or-won't-they relationship one more time, someone's going to end up planting a boot through Sammi's weird Miss Piggy face. Anyway, it looks like The Snooki and JWoww Fun Times Donkey Hour (that's my tentative title for the MORE

‘Jersey Shore’ will give your Xmas tree an STD

Jersey Shore Christmas Ornaments

Because the only thing missing from your Christmas tree was a terminal STD, Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi decided to release a line of Xmas ornaments. Everything about that sentence filled me with a rage that can only be cured by binge-drinking. Entertainment Weekly reports: In case you missed HSN’s A Very Snooki Holiday Gift Special, well … shame on you! You may have missed the fact that yet another holiday has been guido-fied. That’s right, MORE

Snooki exfoliates with kitty litter?

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

Remember that time that Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi said she isn't an alcoholic? Keep that in mind as you read this next bit about how Snooki exfoliates her face with kitty litter, because I'm pretty sure you can't do what she describes without being seriously tanked out of your effing skull. Entertainment Weekly reports: We may live in a world where people put nightingale dung on their faces and let flesh-eating fish nip at their toes, but it MORE

Snooki claims she’s not an alcoholic!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

In today's ironic new story, Jersey Shore famewhore Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi told Parade that even though nearly every picture of her, not to mention every video clip, news story, stone-carved image and any other visual medium used to show Snooki always displays her drunk off her ass or in the process of getting drunk off her ass, she wants you all to know that she's not an alcoholic. She just drinks all the time to the point where her life MORE