Nadya ‘Octomom’ Suleman posed naked!

A couple years ago, back when Nadya ‘Octomom’ Suleman was still a thing and people just couldn’t get enough of the batshit crazy lady who pushed out eight kids when she already had six she had no way of caring for, Vivid Video offered her $1,000,000 to do a porno with them. Of course, she said no, because she was too good to put ridiculous things in her vagina for money. Pushing ridiculous things out of her vagina for money was a whole other matter. So here she is posing naked for the British magazine Closer for $10,000, because she always makes great life choices. TMZ reports:

Nadya Suleman is days away from being homeless … the house she owns that has been in and out of foreclosure for more than a year will be sold at an auction Thursday … so Octo needs a new crib for her brood … stat. The dilemma — getting first and last month’s rent together, so Octo has gone naked. She posed for the European magazine, Closer. Sources tell TMZ … Octo got $10,000 for the shoot, which is what she needs to rent a new place. Octo is being very up front now about some misgivings about having 14 kids, saying, “I’m doing that (posing nude) because I need to feed my kids. I need to pay the bills. And I’m still very cognizant of the repercussions of my choices.”

Of course, if you’re like me you’re probably asking why she turned her nose up at $1,000,000 when she knew she had to do everything she could to keep her 14 kids from dying of starvation, only to settle for 1% of the pay day for doing the exact same thing years later. To which I say: this is the same woman who thought having more kids than she could afford would also be a fiscally responsible decision. You can’t question why Nadya does what she does because she’s morally vacuous and thinks losing money is the same as earning money. It’s the perfect storm of unlogic and moral nothingness.

Nadya 'Octomom' Suleman

Heather Morris has alleged nude pics too!

After the web was blessed with the double whammy of Christina Hendricks‘ and Olivia Munn‘s alleged-but-probably-fake nude pictures last week, there was apparently just enough miracle left over for one more go around, which is why there are now alleged nude photos of Heather Morris, who some of you might remember as one of the last reasons to still watch Glee at this point, because it sure as hell isn’t for that Finn/Rachel ridiculous marriage storyline. The Daily Mail reports:

A series of pictures which seem to be of the 25-year-old actress were leaked yesterday. One shot shows Heather, who plays Brittany S. Pierce in the hit US TV show, donning her Slave 4 U outfit from the Britney Spears episode of Glee, while another shows her wearing a black bikini top and miniskirt. Other shots, however, are slightly more intimate, showing a woman who looks a lot like Heather baring her naked body for the camera. It remains to be seen what Heather says about the leaked photographs, although she has posed for nude pictures in the past before she shot to fame on Glee.

Say what you will, but nude pictures leaking really can’t be any more embarrassing or damaging to your career than, say, getting stuck in a terrible student-teacher sexual relationship plotline. Isn’t that right Mark Salling? See? This is why you should have just released pictures of your dick. Now you’re forever going to be known as “that talented guy who banged Idina Menzel in the worst storyline ever.” Yes, any post that’s even tangentially related to Glee will devolve into me criticizing Ryan Murphy for his shitty story arcs.

Heather Morris

SEE MORE PICS AT CELEBSLAM

Lindsay Lohan’s entire Playboy spread has leaked!

After a certain someone (*cough* Dina Lohan *cough*) leaked the cover of Lindsay Lohan‘s new Playboy issue onto the web, Playboy is now freaking out over the fact that HOLY CRAP! People can see Lindsay naked on the internet! Which you totally couldn’t do before by Googling, oh say, “Lindsay Lohan naked”. But in all fairness, she was naked and dressed like Marilyn Monroe, which was totally unique to her Playboy shoo- Oh wait. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan’s highly classified Playboy photo shoot leaked to the Internet this morning — one week before the issues was set to hit newsstands — and TMZ has learned Playboy honchos are “freaking out.” First off — the pics aren’t bad .. it’s a Marilyn Monroe thing … and it works. Playboy sources tell us … there are fears the leak could significantly damage sales of the magazine … which is expected to be the best seller of the year.

So basically, Playboy is worried that people might see Lindsay Lohan naked … early? Oh come on, we already saw her vagina at the Venice Film Festival. Over five years ago. And hell, I could barely care about it back then, and that was back when she still had something vaguely resembling a career. I mean hell, has anyone else noticed that for her cover, she’s sitting in the same chair that Marge Simpson got for her cover? That’s right: LiLo is now surviving off of the sloppy seconds of cartoon characters.

CLICK HERE TO SEE LINDSAY LOHAN’S ENTIRE PLAYBOY MAGAZINE SPREAD (NSFW)

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan to debut her Playboy spread on Ellen?

Despite the fact that Ellen DeGeneres‘ show is pretty much the cutest, most adorable G-rated family daytime talk show out there, someone was apparently kicked in the head by a horse or something because Lindsay Lohan will debut her Playboy magazine spread on Ellen, because showing everyone a drug addict’s naked photo spread in a girlie magazine is totally appropriate for the television show my grandma watches. Page Six reports:

Lindsay Lohan will unveil her highly anticipated Playboy spread during an interview on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, her rep told NewsCore Tuesday. In her first television interview since she served jail time for violating her probation, Lohan, 25, will chat with DeGeneres on December 15th to promote her pictorial in the January/February issue of the men’s magazine. The issue will go on sale in late December.

Oh hell, I cannot wait to see how Ellen tries to introduce Lindsay. “Our first guest used to be a famous actress, but then she blew it all away on cocaine, DUIs, and necklace stealing. But now she’s found herself back on top thanks to her letting photographers take pictures of her vagina for an 84-year-old man’s magazine, all while her family watches! And now we’re going to show you her firecrotch! In related news, I just fired all my producers.”

(Sidenote: You know your career is over when your vagina doesn’t even make sweeps week!)

Lindsay Lohan - Playboy Magazine

There was a streaker at the MTV EMAs!

Proving once and for all that Europe just does it better with award shows, the MTV Europe Music Awards were taken by surprise over the weekend when a streaker (actor David Monahan) ran out onstage while Hayden Panettiere was presenting, and everyone was just sorta like “Oh, hey, that guy is naked and onstage on live television. That’s cool. Stick a microphone in his face.” Huffington Post reports:

As Panettiere was addressing the crowd, a naked man (later identified as Irish actor David Monahan) burst out from backstage, leaping and skipping and showing a jolly disregard for the fact that his bits and pieces were being broadcast to the world. When he reached the former “Heroes” star, he covered up and began a bizarre conversation. Panettiere was all too willing to give him the microphone — he professed his love for her canceled sci-fi show — and she even asked him to join her for a pint after the show. Most people think it was a scripted moment, because, well, they seemed to be awkwardly exchanging planned lines and no one came to drag the man out.

Meh, staged or not? I approve of this. I mean, how long has it been since we’ve seen a penis on live television? You know, without having to punch in our credit card numbers and clarify that yes, we are eighteen or over. Plus he’s cute! It’s not like the guy who came out was some sort of 300-pound wildebeest with three anuses or something, he’s kinda hot! Now if only MTV could do this with all their sham award shows, I might actually start giving a crap.

Hayden Panettiere and David Monahan

Taylor Swift’s nude photo scandal!

Did you know things happened today that didn’t involve celebrities dressed as other people or Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries divorcing because Kim is a rampant fame-addict who would do anyone or anything … actually, just anyone. Yeah, let’s stick with that. Anyway, there was also some sort of kerfuffle over Taylor Swift‘s boobies today, after gossip blog Celeb Jihad posted what looked like but are in no way actually pictures of Taylor topless. The Huffington Post reports:

The photo in question shows a young blonde, who bares a striking resemblance to Swift, sprawled across a bed wearing only a pair of blue underwear. But along with some curious clickers, the website may also be receiving a lawsuit from Swift’s lawyers. If the photo is not removed from the website, Swift and her team are prepared to sue for trademark infringement, reports TMZ. A letter from Swift’s representatives to Celeb Jihad stated that their story was based on “false pornographic images and false ‘news.’”

I’m gonna side with Taylor’s reps on this, if only because she seems pure and innocent. Almost to a fault. She looks like the kind of girl who showers in a sweater. For some reason, whenever I try and imagine what her boobs might look like, all I can think about are two large nipple-less lady lumps. Sorry, I just can’t picture her as a sexual being. It would be like trying to think about Bambi getting it on. Ain’t gonna happen.

Taylor Swift

Details on Lindsay Lohan’s full-frontal Playboy shoot!

Hey, remember when Lindsay Lohan drunkenly made out with her mom? Of course you do, because the image was burnt into your retinas and now when you close your eyes to sleep at night it’s the only thing you can see. Sorry about that. Anyway, Lindsay upped the creepiness yesterday when she brought her mom, Dina Lohan, and her little sister Ali Lohan to watch her show off her boobs to photographers for Playboy magazine because … no, seriously, why did she do that? Just … gyah. X17 reports:

Dina Lohan is 100% in support of Lindsay’s Playboy photo shoot. She tells X17 Online exclusively, “The photo shoot went well.” The 25-year-old actress is earning more than $750,000 to take it off for the famous men’s magazine, according to TMZ. X17 Online has exclusive photos of Lilo arriving to the shoot at a massive mansion in Beverly Hills with younger sister Ali in tow.

So basically, Lindsay did porn (because Playboy is porn, tenuously tied together with articles no one reads) and thought it would be a great idea to bring along her family to watch? What the hell? Look, porn is a lot of fun, as is making it, but you don’t bring your family to watch you make it. That’s weird. Although I guess after Michael Lohan‘s vagina-kicking spree from yesterday, they needed added protection to make sure Lindsay’s bajooter stayed foot-free during the shoot. “Okay Ali, you sit here and act as the decoy for daddy’s lady-flower-seeking-foot while your big sister shows off her freckled boobs again and I go drink her million dollar paycheck. *Glug glug glug* You’re not my favorite child, by the way.”

UPDATE: Did we say “tits”? Ha ha ha, silly me. We meant LiLo was completely naked and airing out her vagina (aka firecrotch) for all to see, including members of her family. Yup, totally not weird at all.

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan is posing naked for Playboy!

In news that would have been just absolutely amazing if this were still 2006, Lindsay Lohan is reportedly going to be posing totally naked for Playboy magazine this week, for reportedly close to one million bucks. And remember, this is current day LiLo, which means that you could very well be jacking off to a bag of saline with a bunch of freckles poked on with a red sharpie for about ten minutes before you realize something might be off. Access Hollywood reports:

Lindsay Lohan has lined up a new gig – as a Playboy girl. LiLo is posing for Hugh Hefner’s Playboy magazine, a source told Access Hollywood. The source told Access Lohan is disrobing for the spread, which is being shot this week in LA. When contacted by Access, a rep for the actress said, “I cannot confirm at this time.” A spokesperson for Playboy also had no comment on the report. According to TMZ, Playboy reportedly offered the actress $750,000 to strip down. However, she countered, asking for a million dollar payday. While the magazine would not cough up $1 million, they did reportedly come up from their original offer, which was enough to get the deal done. In the meantime, Lohan’s other gig is community service. The actress has been ordered to spend 16 hours of community service at the Los Angeles Coroner’s Office before her next hearing on Nov. 2, where she’ll face the music after a judge ruled she violated her probation.

So basically, Lindsay went from sleeping with people to get photoshoots to sleeping with people during a photoshoot. Sure, why not. Actually, this could be a great gig for her. Just imagine: Lindsay banging Hugh Hefner for wads and wads of cash. Hell, this would probably be the first real job she’s held for years! And yes, having sex with Hugh is a real job. Picture an 85-year-old dick, then try and convince yourself you can actually touch it for free. You can’t? Then it’s a job!

Lindsay Lohan

Links: Adam Levine loves getting naked!


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Madonna’s undoctored naked photos leak onto the web!

Some people argue that Photoshop is evil, and a tool used to promote an unhealthy body image that woman should look a specific way. While I don’t entirely disagree with this assessment, The Daily Mail is reporting that undoctored photos from Madonna‘s W magazine photo shoot from 2009 have leaked onto the web, and if a little Photoshop here and there means we never have to see a topless Madonna’s best impression of an angry gargoyle glaring down at you, then by all means, Photoshop ALL THE THINGS.

The candid snaps show the Queen of Pop lounging around on a sofa wearing a see-through bra and a black thong. In another shot, Madge is seen topless facing a mirror as she changes into an outfit. The behind-the-scenes photos were taken in a hotel room during a December 2008 magazine shoot in Brazil. Three years on, the unflattering shots have made their way on to various internet blogs showing the 53-year-old singer – then aged 50 – in a series of unladylike positions.

I know it’s unfair to compare a 53-year-old Madonna to 20-year-old starlets, until you remember that Madonna is trying to be a 20-year-old starlet. At some point, everyone has to look in the mirror and say “I’m not 26 anymore. I can’t pull that shit off”, then go about aging gracefully and accepting their body for what it is rather than what they wish it still was. Or you can bang a slew of 24-year-old boytoys while spreading your legs on your albums like you’re trying to shake the dust and cobwebs out of your Charleston Chew.

Madonna

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