Miley Cyrus is probably a stoner!

Over the weekend, Miley Cyrus celebrated her nineteenth birthday exactly the way you’d expect a nineteen-year-old to party: By surrounding herself with little-people versions of Nicki Minaj, a bunch of drag queens, and then blowing out a cake with Bob Marley’s face on it. Exactly how I celebrated my nineteenth birthday. Anyway, Miley decided then and there to tell everyone that she was a huge pothead, which is kinda obvious and not even that big a deal since at this point everyone does it. Except now everyone’s got their panties in a bunch because GOD HELP US if anyone should smoke a non-toxic, non-habit forming substance, and now Miley’s people are trying to say that it was all a joke. TMZ reports:

The rep tells TMZ … Miley was joking about the cake her friends got her for her 19th birthday when she said, “You know you’re a stoner when friends make you a Bob Marley cake. You know you smoke way too much f***in’ weed.” The rep says the Bob Marley cake was an inside joke … Kelly Osbourne has been calling her “Bob Miley” since the infamous salvia incident that TMZ broke last year.

Do people still care if you smoke weed? Really? Just generally, is weed still a huge deal? Honestly, I thought kids sticking vodka-soaked tampons up their assholes was the new fake craze of the day to convince old people that teenagers are Godless heathens hopped up on HPV vaccines trying to murder them. All I’m saying is, I think we as a society have moved past weed as a pretend problem to distract us from bigger issues.

Miley Cyrus

Chace Crawford’s pot possession plea bargain!

Believe me, it’s either this or a story about a fart Prince William released stepping out of the car to his wedding. Screw weddings. Anyway, Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford apparently made a deal over his pot possession charge with the Texas courts that, if he meets certain conditions, it will pretty much wipe the incident off his record completely and leave his cuteness all squeaky clean and safe.

Sources tell us Chace –  who was busted in Plano, TX last June after cops found a joint in a car in which he was sitting — has agreed to a pretrial diversion program. Translation — if he meets certain conditions in the next 12 months, the case will be dismissed and there will be no criminal record. As for the conditions …

– He can’t be arrested or engage in any criminal conduct for a year
– He must perform 24 hours of community service
– He must report to a probation officer once a month SOURCE

Sure, none of this seems grossly hard, but at the same time, this is all over ONE joint in a car he HAPPENED to be in. Exactly how dangerous do these people think weed is? “Oh no! The terrorist just lit a joint! And now he’s sitting on his sofa eating Bugles while listening to Animal Collective … and now he’s staring off into space and giggling. Now he’s talking about how there are no women in Star Wars. Well, this has just been a huge waste of time. Oh, great, now he’s masturbating. Super.”

Chace Crawford

Links: The best stoner songs of all-time!

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