When culture pops, we wipe it up ...
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Despite the fact that it's been made screamingly obvious that Justin Bieber never impregnated famewhore Mariah Yeater as she said he did, Justin has decided to take the DNA test anyway, presumably so that he can then sue her ass straight into a trailer park. Oh, wait, she already lives in a trailer park. Well, at least until the resident meth lab explodes and destro - ah yes, there it goes. It's like they never even watched Breaking Bad ... TMZ MORE
Yesterday, everyone found out that Mariah Yeater dropped her paternity suit against Justin Bieber, but that she was totally not backing down or anything because it would take the jaws of life to pry a white trash whore off of undeserved money. Anyway, it looks like her case might be completely busted, because TMZ got their hands on some leaked text messages where she asks someone to delete messages her mom sent saying that someone else is the MORE
Pull out your best not-the-baby-daddy-dances and call up Maury Povich, because Justin Bieber is (in all likelihood) not the father! Okay, so he didn't actually take the paternity test to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he didn't eff the ess out of her, like famewhore Mariah Yeater said he did, but TMZ is reporting that Mariah has dropped the case, I'm assuming after she realized that shaking down underage celebrities for child support is MORE
I didn't know you could get a doctorate in tackling famewhores, but apparently Dr. Drew Pinsky has one, because during an appearance on his show this week, Mariah Yeater's lawyer discussed how they originally wanted to squeeze the money out of Justin Bieber out of court, except now they're all heading to court and you can literally hear Mariah shitting herself in the distance. RadarOnline reports: Yeater’s team hoped to settle the case MORE
Remember when the story about Justin Bieber allegedly knocking up some random groupie girl came out and I said it was probably just really bad fan fiction from a girl who was seriously hard-up for a hot dickin'? Well I was right. According to TMZ, Mariah Yeater actually tried the whole "Your my baby's daddy!" gambit on some other poor sap before she tried Bieber, until she realized that she could always find an even bigger hill full of more gold MORE
So after it was revealed yesterday that Justin Bieber never actually formally denied knocking up a groupie, despite the fact that stuff like that should be like the first thing you do when someone says that whatever recently came out of her vagina is yours, Justin finally figured out that the smart thing to do is just announce that he never banged (famewhore) Mariah Yeater. See how easy that is? RadarOnline reports: "There is a lot of good MORE
While I'm pretty sure "DENY ALL THE THINGS" is like the first lesson of PR Disaster Management 101 -- I'm assuming number two is "stock up on shovels and shower curtains" -- Justin Bieber seems to have forgotten that valuable lesson. While his lawyers are calling maybe/maybe-not baby mama Mariah Yeater a liar, while Justin is dodging the rumors on Twitter, they kind of forgot the most important part: the part where Justin actually says he never MORE
Oh gosh ... this is too much. Way too much. Look, at first I thought Kim Kardashian's fairytale divorce would have inundated me with crazy news, and that would be enough. But nooooooooooo, the gossip gods (not real) have apparently seen fit to dump even more crazy on me, in the form of a paternity lawsuit filed against Justin Bieber by a 20-year-old woman who claims that the tiny, tiny Canadian stuck a maple baby in her lady oven. RadarOnline MORE
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