Kylie Jenner is the new Kim Kardashian …

Kylie Jenner

Deep down, I think we all knew that Kim Kardashian couldn't last forever (although it feels like it by now). Like oil reserves or helium, we only had a set amount of tolerance for Kim's famewhoring ways, and it was rapidly depleting. Between Kim's fast fading beauty, her dwindling career opportunities and her in general caustic demeanor, eventually we would need to think about expanding outwards to other forms of Kardashian. So lo and behold, MORE

A PSA for the Kardashians (and others like ‘em!)

Jenners and Kardashians

Hello? Is thing thing on? *Tap tap* Okay good. Now then ... *Clears throat* Get off your f*cking phones. Get off your phones when you're having dinner with friends and family. Get off your phones when you're at a funeral. Get off your phones when you're at work. Get off your phones when you're in a meeting. Get off your phone every time you feel bored. And especially, Kim Kardashian, Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner, get off your f*cking MORE

Selena Gomez ‘broke up’ with Kendall and Kylie Jenner

Selena Gomez, Kendall and Kylie Jenner

Selena Gomez has been hanging around with Kendall and Kylie Jenner a lot recently, since Kim Kardashian is about to be put out to pasture and Kris Jenner needs a new generation of famewhores to work with. And yet, Kendall and Kylie's meal ticket may already be pulling out. According to TMZ, Selena has apparently broken up with Kendall and Kylie, although if her break ups with Justin Bieber are any indication, she'll just end up reuniting / MORE

Kylie and Kendall Jenner: Under investigation for underage clubbing!

Kylie Jenner and Kendall Jenner

Earlier this week, Kylie and Kendall Jenner were caught sneaking into a 21+ sex-themed nightclub using fake IDs, because when your mom is Kris Jenner this is literally the best case scenario. Anyway, the California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control is on the case now, I guess mostly to keep up appearances. Hey, they let Lindsay Lohan skate by during her trouble days, so I guess this time they're nipping it in the bud instead of waiting MORE

Kylie & Kendall Jenner snuck into a sex-themed nightclub

Kylie & Kendall Jenner

Because we can only talk about Kris Jenner's stupid famewhore divorce for so long before she starts just talking out of her ass for attention, let's move onto the Kardashian's pinch hitters, Kendall and Kylie Jenner. According to TMZ, the two underage girls reportedly snuck into a 21-and-over sex-themed night (called Wax Rabbit) at WeHo's Vignette Lounge last night using fake ID's, which ... admittedly bad, but have you seen their mother? The one MORE

Kris Jenner turns her attention to Kylie and Kendall

Kris, Kylie and Kendall Jenner

Earlier this week, rumors started swirling that Kim Kardashian was going to quit Keeping Up With The Kardashians, thus pulling the lynch pin that would basically end Kris Jenner's reign of terror. Except nope, Kim's still signed on for two interminable seasons. But I'm guessing that Kris knows her days are numbered, because a new report from In Touch seems to indicate that Kris is going to start using her younger daughters, Kylie and Kendall, to MORE

Here’s the 2012 Kardashian Kristmas Kard!

The Kardashians

Some of you might remember a little while ago when Kim Kardashian's ex-cat, Mercy, suddenly died after she gave it away. Well, the brand new Kardashian Kristmas Kard -- The hard-C is the family's mortal enemy -- has made its way onto the internet, and the creepiest part is that they somehow found it appropriate to include a picture of Mercy, looking the most miserable I have ever seen a kitten look before. From Us Weekly ... The card features MORE

Kris Jenner vows revenge on the guy who called CPS

Kris, Kylie and Kendall Jenner

Soooooo ... hurricane Sandy. Look, I'm sure most of you don't live on the east coast, but holy hell, last night was not fun. NO ME GUSTA. Lindsay Lohan was wrong: You cannot get rid of a hurricane with happy thoughts and sunshine dreams. Who knew? Well, everything seems to be on the up-and-up again, so let's sally forth into the realm of stupid famous rich people being stupid, shall we? First up, here's a bit from TMZ about how Kris Jenner is MORE

Kendall and Kylie Jenner are writing a book?!

Kendall and Kylie Jenner

Because your kids are never too young to be forced to do something well outside of their intellectual and experiential comfort zone, Kendall and Kylie Jenner (who are fourteen and sixteen) are writing their first young-adult book. Well, maybe I shouldn't say 'write'. Or 'book'. Honestly, I want to make fun of the celebrity ghost-writing machine here, but these kids are still in their teens and I can't in good conscience make fun of teenage girls. MORE

Khloe Kardashian took a picture with her ‘Dad’

Khloé Kardashian and Alex Roldan

Because Kris Jenner thinks it's absolutely hilarious to make a media spectacle out of revealing who Khloé Kardashian's real father is (HA! World changing truths!), Kylie Jenner decided it would be hilarious to post a picture of Khloé with her rumored father (Kris' hairstylist Alex Roldan) on Twitter. Because why not turn another major life event into yet another desperate plea for attention and whore dollars? @KylieJenner: First official MORE

5 Things Wrong with the Kardashian Kristmas Kard!

The Kardashian Kristmas Kard

Because it wouldn't be Christmas without the Kardashians releasing an off-putting Christmas card while bastardizing the English language with enough K's to make a white supremacist jizz in his pants, here's the 2011 version of the family's Kristmas Kard. I actually thought this was originally a still from American Horror Story, but then I realized that no one was dead (sadly) so clearly that wasn't the case. Oh well ... here are five things wrong MORE

The Kardashians have a nail polish line?

Kardashian Nail Polish

Ho ho sluts! Just in time for the Christmas season comes the perfect gift for that special person in your life you wish death upon. It's the Kardashian nail polish line from OPI! Because when you think of class and sophistication ... well, you don't actually think of the Kardashians. But when you think "bargain bin products that appeal to the lowest common denominator", you sure as hell think of the Kardashians! Just read all the fun, sassy names MORE