When culture pops, we wipe it up ...
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At this point, if you told me that Kris Jenner sometimes drinks the tears of her daughter because it gets rid of crows feet, I would probably just say shrug my shoulders and go "well d'uh." Because Kris is awful and that's really her one and only marketable skill. Seriously, I always kind of figured that Kris was an awful enough mother that she probably organized Kim Kardashian's sex tape all on her own, and according to an anonymous source, I MORE
Generally speaking, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton have pretty similar skill sets and career paths: they were both born into rich families, have absolutely no talent or otherwise likeable traits whatsoever, got famous for a sex tape, and managed to turn that into a series of increasingly banal and insufferable TV shows, all the while pretending that they somehow earned all of this. So here's Kim making fun of Paris' sex tape, because being a MORE
Because your kids are never too young to be forced to do something well outside of their intellectual and experiential comfort zone, Kendall and Kylie Jenner (who are fourteen and sixteen) are writing their first young-adult book. Well, maybe I shouldn't say 'write'. Or 'book'. Honestly, I want to make fun of the celebrity ghost-writing machine here, but these kids are still in their teens and I can't in good conscience make fun of teenage girls. MORE
Every fiber of my being believes this is a screaming "YES" because stupid famewhores and sex tapes are kind of squarely in my wheelhouse, but for now the best we can say is "allegedly, yes." Anyway, Kris Humphries recently dumped his girlfriend, who's using the opportunity to sell every little bit of info he sent her way, up to and including the fact that Kris Jenner allegedly made her daughter Kim Kardashian re-shoot her now infamous sex tape MORE
How was your day? Good? Do you feel loved by the people closest to you? That we live in a fair and just world? That there is a higher power and that he/she/it is a benevolent being who only wants good for us? Well, the Kardashian clan just inked a deal for a whopping $40 Million bucks to make three more seasons of their crappy, vapid and fake reality shows. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. Via TMZ: Sources connected to the deal MORE
Wait, did I say publicity stunt? I meant boyfrie- Well, actually, no. I meant publicity stunt. 'Boyfriend' would entail that Kim Kardashian can actually feel things. Anyway, since Kim and Kanye West are officially a thing now, Kris Jenner has decided to announce that she's just so thrilled with the happy new couple and all the attention they'll bring in to each other's lives. RadarOnline reports: “Kris is thrilled about Kim’s new romance MORE
... By which I mean the exact opposite of that. Rob Kardashian celebrated 25 years of not being driven to suicide by his own mother, a feat that Kris Jenner rewarded by posting a picture of herself naked and pregnant with Rob for him and everyone to see, because there's nothing a man enjoys more than the sight of his mother's naked body. And if that wasn't Oedipal enough to convince him to finally end the suffering, she decided to tag along for MORE
Hope you weren't planning on sleeping tonight (or ever again!) because here comes a story about how Kris Jenner is lining herself up as the new face for Zestra brand lubricants, which is what you use when you want to have sex long after God dictates that your junk is too dry and flabby for that shit. Oh, and Kris talks about her vagina in her little testimonial for the product, so say goodbye to your penis because it just shot itself in the head. MORE
Because Kris Jenner thinks it's absolutely hilarious to make a media spectacle out of revealing who Khloé Kardashian's real father is (HA! World changing truths!), Kylie Jenner decided it would be hilarious to post a picture of Khloé with her rumored father (Kris' hairstylist Alex Roldan) on Twitter. Because why not turn another major life event into yet another desperate plea for attention and whore dollars? @KylieJenner: First official MORE
I'm not sure who Joanna Krupa is, although if you have a thing for tig ol' bitties, you probably do. Anyway, Joanna is not only a fan of having giant naturals, but she's an anti-fur advocate, and is going so far as to start a petition against the Kardashians to stop them from selling fur in their stores, especially since some of them have already done PETA ads against fur. Yeah, the Kardashians are hypocrites. In related news, cake is delicious MORE
For most parents, revealing to their kids who their real biological father is (if the information isn't already previously known) is something that needs to be handled with care and fragility. Of course, Kris Jenner has all the care and fragility of a wrecking ball covered in leopard print whoreishness, so of course Kris is not only reportedly revealing to the world just who Khloé Kardashian's real father is, but she's also going to do it on her MORE
Because the Kardashians are not assaulting your eyeballs from enough media sources, Kris Jenner got it through her cavernous pit of greed and insecurity where her brain used to be that there needs to be a Kardashian magazine. You know, because you never see a Kardashian on a magazine cover, except for every single one of them. Anyway, a loving, all-powerful deity that created us looked down upon this, thought "Nah, the hell with that" and MORE
Rumors have been swirling for a while now that Khloé Kardashian might not have the same father as Kim and Kourtney Kardashian, probably because she's taller and she actually seems like a kind human being instead of a cash vacuum from the fifth circle of hell. Anyway, numerous names have floated around, which I'm sure has nothing to do with the fact that Kris Jenner allegedly cheated on Robert Kardashian right around the time Khloé was MORE
So as fresh new details emerge about what a money-sucking whore beast Kris Jenner is, we now get to delve even further into the abyss of moral emptiness as reports emerge that Kris was cheating on then-husband Robert Kardashian with Bruce Jenner in front of her kids, and then tried to sue Robert for more money because she deserved a lavish lifestyle, when in fact Kris deserves at best a shit sandwich with the crusts cut off. RadarOnline MORE
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