Kanye West wrote a song for Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

When I first read the title of this one, originally I thought that Kanye West was actively trying to help Kim Kardashian launch her music career -- Hey, wasn't she supposed to have a music video or something? Whatever happened to that? Oh, it failed miserably because she has no talent so it never actually got off the ground? Yeah, I can see that. Well, it turns out, Kanye only wrote a song for himself about how happy he is to have Kim as his MORE

Yes, Kim Kardashian, we get it …

Kim Kardashian

I swear, every couple of days Kim Kardashian will post a pic of herself in a bikini, then mumble something about, "Look! No Photoshop! Weeeee!" And it's just like ugh, we get it, not every single one of your pictures are retouched. Just most of them. I mean, what, are we supposed to applaud you because you have tons of time to hit the gym, access to a dietitian and a personal trainer, plus enough money to to nip and tuck your body into whatever MORE

Kanye and Kim went on vacation with Joe Francis?

Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and Joe Francis

Apparently, Kim Kardashian's life of doing nothing is so very, very strenuous that she needs to take constant vacations. I mean, can you imagine how exhausting it must be to do nothing while cameras pretend you're actually doing something? That poor girl. I don't know how she does it. Which is why she took a vacation with Kanye West and Joe Francis, which makes total sense: an egomaniac, a smut peddler, a whore, plus two guys accompanying Kim, MORE

Kim Kardashian mocked Paris Hilton’s sex tape

Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian

Generally speaking, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton have pretty similar skill sets and career paths: they were both born into rich families, have absolutely no talent or otherwise likeable traits whatsoever, got famous for a sex tape, and managed to turn that into a series of increasingly banal and insufferable TV shows, all the while pretending that they somehow earned all of this. So here's Kim making fun of Paris' sex tape, because being a MORE

Kris Humphries got signed to Jay-Z’s team. Hmmm …

Kris Humphries

All right, before I break this one down into tasty, delicious morsels of rich people being passive-aggressively bitchy too each other, read this piece from TMZ and try to read between the lines: Kris Humphries doesn't need Kim Kardashian to make a living ... 'cause dude just signed a $24 MILLION contract with the Brooklyn Nets. It's a 2-year deal according to ESPN ... which means Kris got one helluva raise -- his previous contract was a 1-year MORE

Ronda Rousey would beat up Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian and Ronda Rousey

Normally, I wouldn't call someone wanting to punch famewhore Kim Kardashian in the mouth "news" so much as I would call it "a reasonable response to seeing a talentless, unpleasant person become rich and famous for simply being a talentless, unpleasant person". That being said, most of the time the people who publicly state the above aren't MMA champions, like Ronda Rousey, which is why this video of her saying that she would gladly beat the ever MORE

Kim Kardashian: Terrorist AND bestialist?

Kim Kardashian

There are a lot of things I can make fun of Kim Kardashian for: having no talent, failing epically at marriage, being a generally vacuous person, being covered in pee ... all things that are backed up with anecdotal evidence, which is of course the best evidence there is. (No it isn't.) But I can't say that Kim is a member of Al Qaeda or that she regularly engages in filmed unicorn sex because that's (A) crazy, and (B) complete bullshit. Yet, two MORE

Kim Kardashian compared herself to Virgin Mary?

Kim Kardashian and Virgin Mary

By now, you should know that Kim Kardashian can and will say anything for the sake of getting attention. Honestly, if the bitch held a press conference about how all dolphins are secretly communists brainwashing your kids into giving them free fish, I'd just nod my head and mutter something about how she just wants another Us Weekly cover. Anyway, here she is saying that she wants to have a baby through artificial insemination because she would MORE

Kris Jenner had Kim Kardashian re-shoot her sex tape?

Kim Kardashian and Ray J

Every fiber of my being believes this is a screaming "YES" because stupid famewhores and sex tapes are kind of squarely in my wheelhouse, but for now the best we can say is "allegedly, yes." Anyway, Kris Humphries recently dumped his girlfriend, who's using the opportunity to sell every little bit of info he sent her way, up to and including the fact that Kris Jenner allegedly made her daughter Kim Kardashian re-shoot her now infamous sex tape MORE

Kim Kardashian is a liar!

Kim Kardashian

At this point, if you believe anything that drips out of Kim Kardashian's facehole, you deserve everything bad that happens to you. And now to awkwardly segue from that opinion into a story about how Kim was caught wearing something that totally looks like Spanx, and is now claiming that she doesn't wear Spanx. Although to be fair, I'm assuming she needs industrial-strength girders to keep everything in place. The support system they use for her MORE

Did Kanye tweet a pic of Kim Kardashian naked?

Amia Miley

Short version: No, but well played Kris Jenner. Long version: A picture of what was purported to be Kim Kardashian's naked backside was floating around on Twitter yesterday, which a lot of people just assumed was posted by Kanye West because admit it, that kinda seems like something he would do, doesn't it? Well, turns out that wasn't true, and that it was just a picture of Amia Miley. So basically, a woman who's only famous for having a sex tape MORE

Kim Kardashian ripped her (too tight) dress

Kim Kardashian

I know it's wrong to make someone for not necessarily being a Skinny Minnie, and if this were anyone else I wouldn't go there because I think it's generally a pretty easy and tasteless place to go. That being said, this is famewhore Kim Kardashian we're talking about, so ... HAHAHAHAHAHA FATASS! @KimKardashian: “About to do Jimmy Kimmel & my whole dress rips! Help!!! Time to sew me in ... praying this works!” But seriously, who MORE

Kim Kardashian has flying issues

Kim Kardashian

If you know anything about Kim Kardashian, it's that she's unpleasant, self-promotional, and will say anything as long as it gets her press. So of course, she took to her Twitter account to call out British Airways for stealing from her. She doesn't say what it is, but if I had to guess, it was probably a bottle of Kanye West's pee labelled "Mouthwash". Very disappointed in British Airways for opening my luggage & taking some special MORE

Kim Kardashian let Alan Carr feel her bum

Kim Kardashian and Alan Carr

If you grew up in the suburbs, chances are that at some point during your growing up, you were invited to a Halloween party or otherwise you went to visit one of those "haunted houses" where you would be blindfolded and forced to stick your hand into a bucket of cold spaghetti that was meant to be "guts". Of course, this would freak you out, assuming you never knew what spaghetti felt like or had a complete misunderstanding of human anatomy. I MORE