Kim Kardashian: Terrorist AND bestialist?

Kim Kardashian

There are a lot of things I can make fun of Kim Kardashian for: having no talent, failing epically at marriage, being a generally vacuous person, being covered in pee ... all things that are backed up with anecdotal evidence, which is of course the best evidence there is. (No it isn't.) But I can't say that Kim is a member of Al Qaeda or that she regularly engages in filmed unicorn sex because that's (A) crazy, and (B) complete bullshit. Yet, two MORE

Kim Kardashian compared herself to Virgin Mary?

Kim Kardashian and Virgin Mary

By now, you should know that Kim Kardashian can and will say anything for the sake of getting attention. Honestly, if the bitch held a press conference about how all dolphins are secretly communists brainwashing your kids into giving them free fish, I'd just nod my head and mutter something about how she just wants another Us Weekly cover. Anyway, here she is saying that she wants to have a baby through artificial insemination because she would MORE

Kris Jenner had Kim Kardashian re-shoot her sex tape?

Kim Kardashian and Ray J

Every fiber of my being believes this is a screaming "YES" because stupid famewhores and sex tapes are kind of squarely in my wheelhouse, but for now the best we can say is "allegedly, yes." Anyway, Kris Humphries recently dumped his girlfriend, who's using the opportunity to sell every little bit of info he sent her way, up to and including the fact that Kris Jenner allegedly made her daughter Kim Kardashian re-shoot her now infamous sex tape MORE

Kim Kardashian is a liar!

Kim Kardashian

At this point, if you believe anything that drips out of Kim Kardashian's facehole, you deserve everything bad that happens to you. And now to awkwardly segue from that opinion into a story about how Kim was caught wearing something that totally looks like Spanx, and is now claiming that she doesn't wear Spanx. Although to be fair, I'm assuming she needs industrial-strength girders to keep everything in place. The support system they use for her MORE

Did Kanye tweet a pic of Kim Kardashian naked?

Amia Miley

Short version: No, but well played Kris Jenner. Long version: A picture of what was purported to be Kim Kardashian's naked backside was floating around on Twitter yesterday, which a lot of people just assumed was posted by Kanye West because admit it, that kinda seems like something he would do, doesn't it? Well, turns out that wasn't true, and that it was just a picture of Amia Miley. So basically, a woman who's only famous for having a sex tape MORE

Kim Kardashian ripped her (too tight) dress

Kim Kardashian

I know it's wrong to make someone for not necessarily being a Skinny Minnie, and if this were anyone else I wouldn't go there because I think it's generally a pretty easy and tasteless place to go. That being said, this is famewhore Kim Kardashian we're talking about, so ... HAHAHAHAHAHA FATASS! @KimKardashian: “About to do Jimmy Kimmel & my whole dress rips! Help!!! Time to sew me in ... praying this works!” But seriously, who MORE

Kim Kardashian has flying issues

Kim Kardashian

If you know anything about Kim Kardashian, it's that she's unpleasant, self-promotional, and will say anything as long as it gets her press. So of course, she took to her Twitter account to call out British Airways for stealing from her. She doesn't say what it is, but if I had to guess, it was probably a bottle of Kanye West's pee labelled "Mouthwash". Very disappointed in British Airways for opening my luggage & taking some special MORE

Kim Kardashian let Alan Carr feel her bum

Kim Kardashian and Alan Carr

If you grew up in the suburbs, chances are that at some point during your growing up, you were invited to a Halloween party or otherwise you went to visit one of those "haunted houses" where you would be blindfolded and forced to stick your hand into a bucket of cold spaghetti that was meant to be "guts". Of course, this would freak you out, assuming you never knew what spaghetti felt like or had a complete misunderstanding of human anatomy. I MORE

Anna Wintour HATES Kim Kardashian

Anna Wintour and Kim Kardashian

The wonderful thing about slowly moving away from gossip and heading more in the entertainment news direction is that, since Kim Kardashian doesn't actually do anything that would qualify as "entertainment", or "work", I can pretty much just pretend she doesn't exist at all, which makes me so damn happy I can't even describe it. That being said, I couldn't bear passing up this story about how fashion industry icon Anna Wintour hates Kim so much, MORE

Kim Kardashian was on ’30 Rock’ last night …

Kim Kardashian - 30 Rock

... so just assume those rumors about the show ending are entirely true, and also everything you have ever loved about comedy just died in a whore fire of ass and shame. TMZ reports: Say what you will about Kim Kardashian ... but she doesn't hold grudges, because our spies tell us she made peace last night with the actor who has been trashing her -- Jon Hamm. Kim and Jon were both on a special live version of 30 Rock Thursday night. Kim had a MORE

The Kardashians are paid way too much!

Keeping Up with the Kardashians

How was your day? Good? Do you feel loved by the people closest to you? That we live in a fair and just world? That there is a higher power and that he/she/it is a benevolent being who only wants good for us? Well, the Kardashian clan just inked a deal for a whopping $40 Million bucks to make three more seasons of their crappy, vapid and fake reality shows. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. Via TMZ: Sources connected to the deal MORE

Kris Humphries isn’t fazed by Kanye West

Kris Humphries

Last week, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian stepped out publicly, just in time for Kanye to release a new song where he basically says that Kim was cheating on Kris Humphries with him the entire time they were married. Naturally, Kris is in no way pissed off by the fact that one of the world's biggest rappers is musically telling him that he was banging his wife for all 72 days of their fake marriage. Via Page Six: Kris Humphries didn’t let MORE

Kris Jenner is thrilled with Kim’s new publicity stunt

Kim Kardashian and Kris Jenner

Wait, did I say publicity stunt? I meant boyfrie- Well, actually, no. I meant publicity stunt. 'Boyfriend' would entail that Kim Kardashian can actually feel things. Anyway, since Kim and Kanye West are officially a thing now, Kris Jenner has decided to announce that she's just so thrilled with the happy new couple and all the attention they'll bring in to each other's lives. RadarOnline reports: “Kris is thrilled about Kim’s new romance MORE

Did Lamar Odom predict his own firing?

Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom

We don't follow sports because ugh, seriously, sports, plus everyone knows reality television shows about vapid spoiled famewhores is what's really important. Anyway, Lamar Odom got fired from the Dallas Mavericks after Khloé Kardashian and him moved down to Texas, now the good folks at E! are trying to spin it so that Lamar some how mysteriously knew all along he would get fired. Sort of like how Kim Kardashian mysteriously new she would MORE