Kim Kardashian had Joan Rivers moved away from her

Joan Rivers

There are a lot of celbs who dislike funny lady Joan Rivers because she routinely reads them to filth. There are a lot of celebs (and people in general) who hate Kim Kardashian because she's a selfish, vapid douche who gained millions of unearned dollars without ever working a day in her life. So naturally, Joan and Kim hate each other too, and Kim had Joan moved away from her during the NBC upfronts, because we live in a world where Kim has that MORE

Obama still wants nothing to do with Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian

Like most of America (actually, most of the world) President Barack Obama doesn't want to be associated with Kim Kardashian, especially since she's apparently political poison. Of course, this didn't stop Kim from trying to get chummy with him the president, because she's on the cover of Vogue. That is a privilege saved exclusively for the most famous and sophisticated of women! Or, failing that, you can make your husband buy it for you. MORE

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West got married?

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

Real talk: this weekend, I got to see my cousin get married to the love of her life in a beautiful private ceremony that the entire family came together to create. It was lovely event, she was deliriously happy, and everyone had a good time. I bring that up because now that I know what a wedding is actually supposed to look like, I now hate Kris Jenner's "turn every wedding into a reality TV spectacle for fame and money" gambit even more. Which MORE

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West are getting married this week?

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Later this year, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are going to film their reality TV special where they get married in a French castle or something, because everyone knows that wedding episodes always do insane numbers in the ratings. It's the reason why shows always save them for either sweeps or season finales. Anyway, presumably so that they can squeeze in a full dress rehearsal before filming starts, Kim and Kanye are reportedly going to be MORE

Kim Kardashian is buying all her own Vogue magazine covers

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West / Vogue Magazine

When Kim Kardashian got the cover of Vogue (because of Kanye West, let's be honest) everyone kind of assumed that the issue would bomb because no fashion-savvy person would ever buy anything with Kim on it. Except it turns out the magazine sold decently well, and a big reason for it is that Kim is apparently buying stacks of them for herself. TMZ reports ... Kim Kardashian cannot get enough of herself ... hitting up a newsstand on Tuesday to MORE

Jay Z and Beyoncé are bailing on Kimye’s wedding

Kanye West, Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Kim Kardashian

Remember all those stories about how Beyoncé has been absolutely dreading the idea of going to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's wedding because she can't be around her for more than five seconds without getting a case of the douche chills? Well, according to The Daily Mail, she and hubby Jay Z decided to bail out on the whole big event because they don't want to be on one of the Kardashians' reality TV specials. Austin Powers: Goldmember? Sure, MORE

Beyoncé still doesn’t want to be friends with Kim Kardashian!

Kim Kardashian and Beyonce

I guess technically, this isn't considered news since Beyoncé has always hated being around Kim Kardashian and that hasn't changed in the slightest, but still, it's just good to hear. Ya know? Anyway, according to RadarOnline, Beyoncé still refuses to be apart of Kim's famewhorin' game after the two of them ran into each other the other day ... An eyewitness to the ladies’ awkward encounter at Dr. Howard Lancer’s Beverly Hills office MORE

Kim Kardashian labeled ‘Political Poison’

Kim Kardashian

We try to stay clear of politics, mostly because we don't want the vitriolic left v. right debate to get in the way of my precious dick jokes. But if there's one thing that people from both sides of the debate can agree upon, it's that Kim Kardashian is terrible. And according to RadarOnline, it's gotten to the point where Kim has been labeled 'political poison' and gets barely a fraction of a percentage of the respect people have for pop star MORE

Kim and Kanye’s wedding already has a slight hitch?

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Hey, remember Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's reality TV special that also doubles as their wedding? Well, there's just one slight hiccup in their filming / wedding plans: According to RadarOnline, if you want to get married for a reality TV show in France you have to have been living there for at least 40 days prior. Dammit, won't somebody think about the ratings? Radar reviewed the law with the French Embassy in Washington D.C. whom advised: MORE

Mariah Carey doesn’t know who Kim Kardashian is?

Mariah Carey

Last week, Nick Cannon revealed to the world that he banged Kim Kardashian at some point in his life, which isn't surprising in the least because he's a rapper. That's like the Open Sesame of Kim's noonie-hole. You'd figure that his wife Mariah Carey would be royally pissed about that one, except it turns out she doesn't even know who Kim is. To which I say, what magical alternate reality do you live in, and can you please take me with you? Us MORE

Elephants never forget … to attack Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian

So apparently, Kim Kardashian and her swarm of off-shoots are off on a trip through Thailand or something like that to film new episodes for their show. So of course, their first instinct is going to be to take selfies of themselves with anything that even remotely has to do with Thailand, including elephants! Except even elephants know a sh!tty attention whore when they see one, and when Kim tried to get a selfie with one, it apparently attacked MORE

Kim Kardashian is bad at charity!

Kim Kardashian

Last year, it was revealed that Kim Kardashian's Ebay charity auction for the Phillipines was really more like Kim making a gawddamn bank off stupid people and then throwing a couple coins to the less fortunate. This probably shouldn't have been a surprise, since Kim has built a career of being a greedy ass-blister, but everyone still read her the riot-act over it. It also prompted people to take a look at Kim Kardashian's "charity work", and MORE

Kim Kardashian’s baby girl knows why her mom is famous

Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and North West

Hey, remember how Kim Kardashian 'leaked' a sex tape onto the market to promote her show, and then she spent the rest of her career pretending that it was a 'leak' and that Ray J never peed on her? Well, apparently even North West is aware of Kim's sex tape beginnings, because she peed on daddy Kanye West during their Vogue cover shoot. Good callback, kid! Us Weekly reports... One thing the E! star didn't know for sure herself was whether said MORE

Kim Kardashian wants Kris Jenner’s clothes when she dies

Kris Jenner

If you haven't read Vogue's interview / ass-kissing of Kim Kardashian yet, don't. Just don't. Unless you want to read someone unironically praise Kris Jenner's "apricot" skin. Personally, I'd say it's more along the lines of "corpse rot grey", but that works too. Anyway, there is one passage that's worth a look: the one where Kim basically admits that waits for Kris to die so that she and her sisters could steal all of her worldly possessions. MORE