In the great war of one-upmanship between Lady Gaga and Ke$ha, there are no winners: Only people with bleeding ears and absolutely zero patience left. Anyway, Ke$ha was in Sydney, Australia the other day performing at a music festival when she decided the best way to bring down the house was by drinking fake blood out of a fake human heart. A for effort, sweetie.

The potty-mouthed pop princess held the heart like a goon bag over her mouth, letting the blood ooze across her face and down her chest on the main stage at Royal Randwick Racecourse. Covered in glitter and draped in a shredded American flag T-shirt, Kesha Rose Sebert performed much of her 45-minute set dripping in blood. SOURCE

You know the sad thing is I kind of had some good will left over for her from her video for Blow, mostly because she had to good sense to include a healthy dose of the hotness that is James Van Der Beek‘s ass, but this? This is terrible. This is reaching Lady Gaga levels of fake-ass posturing. Ladies, go to your corners.

Oh Ke(Random Fucking Dollar Sign)ha … You try so hard, you really do. Anyway, in an interview with New York Magazine, the poor man’s Lady Gaga finally explained why she always looks like a sad clown hooker and what the hell she means by brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack. Except she doesn’t so much “explain it” as she does “ramble on incoherently”. To-may-to, to-mah-to really.

You’ve gotten some heat over your lyrics about subjects like brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack. Do you actually do that?
I have, but I don’t do it every day. It wasn’t an instruction manual for 8-year-old little girls to do.

You’ve been photographed with blue lips, covered in glitter, and most recently, with a gold tooth. What look are you going for?
I’m trying to look like a cross between Keith Richards and a hobo. But like a really ridiculously hot hobo. Or like a sexy pirate. SOURCE

Yeah, this explains … absolutely nothing actually. If anything, this just opens up even more questions. Why brush your teeth with Jack Daniels? Why not vodka? Does she even know who Keith Richards is, or what he looks like? Did she actually replace her vocal chords with an iPhone? I feel like this will be one of those unsolved mysteries lost to time, like Big Foot, or why people still watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey.