And there are pictures! Why? Because the universe is not fair. That is why you will look at a picture of Ke$ha peeing on the street. Also because Google page views for celebrities peeing is alarmingly high. Seriously, a lot of you guys seem to have a thing for that. We have graphs and charts on it all. Graphs and charts about celebrities taking a leak. Kim Kardashian is the axiom. Direct from Ke$ha’s Twitter:

pee pee on the street. PoPo come n get me if u can find meeee. I blame traffik.

Yes, “pee pee on the street”. Clearly, she is the Shakespeare of this generation.

Those words just happened. By now, it shouldn’t surprise you that Ke$ha is kind of a grimy bitch and you probably shouldn’t touch her without rubber gloves first because … yick. Just yick. So of course, it’s only understandable that she would have someone on standby to dance around in a giant penis costume for her amusement because nowadays, pop singers must be weird at all times since everyone knows the most important part of music is the visuals. DigitalSpy reports:

The TiK ToK singer told Glamour that she makes the request of her employee when she needs cheering up. “I’m just very amused by 5-year-old humor,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong: I do destroy men on a weekly basis. It’s like a hobby. I’m like a praying mantis. They f**k me, and then I eat them. But who isn’t amused by a giant, dancing penis? Sometimes when I’m sad, I make my assistant put on the penis outfit (pictured below) and bounce around my house.”

Yes yes yes, I think everyone loves a giant cock, except for lesbians because different strokes, people. That being said, what good is a giant cock if all it’s going to do is dance for you? Giant cocks are awesome, and dancing is awesome, but not everything works like a peanut butter cup: two great tastes aren’t necessarily going to taste great together. Sometimes the combination is just sort of useless.

Because it wasn’t enough that she made clothing out of road kill, Ke$ha took to Twitter yesterday to ask fans to send her teeth so that she could make a necklace … or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening because I was too busy trying to talk my penis down from the ledge. Don’t do it man! You have so much to live for! Think of the children you will never help create!

“I’ve received one tooth from a fan. I made it into a necklace. But now I really wanna make a fan tooth necklace to wear to an awards show,” she wrote. “So. What I’m getting at is please send me your teeth. I’m dead serious. I need your teeth. Wisdom teeth?? Cmon. Yall got some of those laying around.” She appears to be serious and posted a P.O. Box for fans to send in their old teeth. SOURCE

You have to give her credit, she really does know her fan base: Toothless, white trash who randomly leave empty bottles and the teeth they lost to bar fights/meth addiction lying around the house. “Oh boy, another tooth! Maybe if I leave it under the pillow, the meth fairy will come and leave me a rock! Or maybe she’ll steal my TV and pawn it off for cough syrup money. Meh, it’s a fifty-fifty shot with that bitch, but I’ll take it!”