Lindsay Lohan has a new (doomed) baby brother!

Kate Major and Michael Lohan

Because you cannot deny the seductive magic of kicking someone in the vagina, Lindsay Lohan's dad Michael Lohan knocked up reporter Kate Major last year, and it looks like the toxic, sloppy entangling of whatever the hell these two are packing has produced a child. Consequently, the average IQ of the Lohan family has now doubled. TMZ reports ... While Lindsay Lohan was sweatin' it out in court, Kate Major went into labor at a Florida hospital. MORE

GROSS: Michael Lohan got Kate Major pregnant

Michael Lohan and Kate Major

Earlier today, I talked about how Lindsay Lohan was basically called out as a colossal liar by Porsche -- FREAKING PORSCHE -- after she plowed her car into a truck and blamed the brakes. As I was typing that, part of me wondered, "what happened in Lindsay's life that made her the way she is today?" Then I read this story about how Michael Lohan got Kate Major pregnant in the worst way possible, then it dawned on me: Lindsay swam out of this MORE

Isn’t She Lovely: Kate Major!

Kate Major

Gosh, we're only a few weeks into 2012 and we already have a super glamorous mugshot of Kate Major (her claim to 'fame' is dating Lindsay's loser dad Michael Lohan) that has instantly become a classic! Michael Lohan's ex girlfriend, Kate Major, was arrested January 14, 2012 in Boca Raton, Florida, for attacking Rosario Tapia and Juan Jimenez in an apartment parking lot! According to Jimenez, he and his wife were waiting for a parking spot to MORE

Michael Lohan got arrested … again!

Michael Lohan

Soooooo ... who didn't see this one coming? Absolutely no one? Well then. Less than half a day after Michael Lohan was released, the dumbass defied the judge's orders to not even dream about Kate Major by trying to phone her up, so of course, guess who had the police up his ass? But wait, it gets better: According to RadarOnline, he tried to escape again, because he apparently thinks he can stay under the radar despite needing to jump in front of MORE

Michael Lohan skips jail time, again!

Michael Lohan and Kate Major

Just in case you were worried that Lindsay Lohan was the only member of her family who was impervious to jail time no matter what she did, well guess what? After beating Kate Major for what can only be, like, the one-hundred-billionth time, it looks like Michael Lohan dodged a trip to the big house because there is no God and we live in a crazy upside-down universe where left is right and shoes go in vaginas. RadarOnline reports: As MORE

Guess why Michael Lohan got arrested?

Michael Lohan

Ah the hell with it, I'm just going to throw this one at you and let you guess what happened. 'Father of the Year' aka Michael Lohan was arrested early this morning according to TMZ. What did he do? A) Wore a mesh shirt in public B) Funneled coke up Lindsay Lohan's nose because she's worth more to him high than sober C) Kicked Kate Major in the vagina again D) Punched a kitten Tampa Police arrested Lindsay Lohan's dad at 1:10AM ET after MORE

Someone call Whine-One-One, ’cause Mesh Shirt has a boo-boo

Michael Lohan

Now that the dust has settled on Michael Lohan's latest woman-beating rampage, Michael has just been released from the hospital and in true abusive, misogynistic asshole fashion, he's claiming up and down that his victim, Kate Major, actually attacked him and that this is all her fault. Which, you know, is something no woman-beater would ever say as long as you don't count every man who's ever beaten a loved-one in the history of FUCKING MORE

It’s the return of Michael Lohan: Vagina kicker!

Michael Lohan and Kate Major

You know how celebrity deaths always seem to happen in threes? Well apparently, same goes for stories about violent, woman-beating men (See: Brown, Chris and Sheen, Charlie) because now stories are surfacing about how Michael Lohan was arrested last night for (wait for it ... ) violent abusing his ex-girlfriend, Kate Major. Which is totally surprising until you realize that this is the same man who was accused of kicking one of his other MORE