Justin Bieber wants to open a tattoo parlor with his dad

Justin Bieber

Another day, another stellar example of Justin Bieber's terrible decision making. Go figure. In the midst of Justin's Panama-based intervention (side-note: Why are his interventions nicer than most people's vacations?) comes news that Justin wants to take a break from music so that he and his hanger-on dad Jeremy Bieber can open a tattoo parlor. So good news! Soon you too can look like 12-year-old Vanilla Ice! Via RadarOnline ... “Justin MORE

Justin Bieber’s new girlfriend is already trying to sell him out

Chantel Jeffries

So apparently, that girl that was with Justin Bieber the night he was arrested? Her name is Chantel Jeffries, and she's Justin's new girlfriend. And by girlfriend, I mean random hanger-on lady who's already trying to sell him out in interviews to the tune of $20,000. And also a mention of her modeling gig, because of course she's a model. They're always models. Page Six reports ... One source said, “She hired an attorney and was negotiating MORE

Justin Bieber’s team held an intervention for him in Panama?

Justin Bieber

All right, so let's just do some catching up: Apparently, Justin Bieber's off the hook for the whole drag racing thing last week, because Florida police really are just that bad. Despite their precious, precious cash cow being free to be milked, I guess his team decided to lay down the law with an intervention. But they didn't want it to be too harsh, so they held it in Panama. Sure, why not. TMZ reports ... Usher has high-tailed it down to MORE

Ugh: Justin Bieber compares himself to Michael Jackson

Justin Bieber

It was only a matter of time before Justin Bieber finally said something stupid and devoid of insight about his drag racing arrest, so here it is: A picture of himself and the late King of Pop Michael Jackson, side by side, after their legal battles. I mean, how do you respond to that? He put himself and others in danger, and instead of apologizing, he just uses it as an excuse to further stroke his own ego? For some reason, all I can think about MORE

Justin Bieber snitched on his mom for giving him Xanax

Justin Bieber and Pattie Mallette

Thus far this week, Justin Bieber has been arrested for drag racing while drunk AND high, posed for a weirdly chipper mugshot, and gone in front of a judge wearing a prison jumpsuit with -- I swear to gawd -- the sleeves rolled up to show off his arms. Apparently, he's trying to take lemons and turn them into hardcore baller lemonade. Except it turns out the person who pushed all those drugs on him is his own mother, Pattie Mallette. Super MORE

Selena Gomez was a bad influence on Justin Bieber? Yeah, no.

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber

Look, I'm going to level with you here: The world is still freaking out that the spoiled, entitled little popstar did something that a spoiled, entitled little popstar absolutely would do. This means that we're going to be wading through a lot of stories about how everyone around Justin Bieber is trying to shift the blame, or people are lashing out at him, or yadda yadda yadda. My point is, I'm going to try and stagger them as much as we possibly MORE

Let’s talk: Justin Bieber’s mugshot

Justin Bieber Mugshot

Well, you know the drill: Justin Bieber got arrested early this morning in Miami Beach for drag racing while inebriated (a combo of drugs and alcohol), so here comes the inevitable mugshot, via Gawker. Now, this next part is about to get ranty, but I'm just going to go through everyone's reactions to Justin Bieber's arrest and point out the flaws in those arguments ... Reaction #1: Justin Bieber's just a kid, we should be going easy on MORE

Justin Bieber: Arrested for DUI in Miami Beach!

Justin Bieber

Oh this was so bound to happen sooner or later ... Justin Bieber was arrested (after getting his party on at a club, pictured above) early this morning down in Miami Beach for DUI (drugs and alcohol use were suspected). At first Justin resisted arrest (of course he did) and cursed out the cops (of course he did), after they pulled him over for speeding when they realized he was drunk and high. Oh good times for Justin, whose passenger in his MORE

Justin Bieber’s advisors want him to move out of his mansion

Justin Bieber

At this point, it's safe to assume that all of Justin Bieber's neighbors hate him. Remember, this is the same neighborhood where Keyshawn Johnson literally chased him for speeding, and Bieber egged one of his neighbor's houses and caused $20,000 worth of damage. So of course, his 'advisors' are urging him to move before the Calabasas community fires a rocket launcher at his mansion, but of course he refuses to move because he's an idiot. MORE

Selena Gomez could crack the Justin Bieber egging case!

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber

Somehow, despite the everything working against him, Justin Bieber somehow was not busted for the egging incident, even after cops raided his weed den. But lo, there's still hope: According to RadarOnline, Justin's on-and-off girlfriend Selena Gomez was allegedly there on the night of the egging, and she's about to bring this whole thing down. Cops investigating the egg throwing incident at Justin Bieber’s mansion have a pop star they could MORE

Justin Bieber gave another $75,000 to strippers

Justin Bieber

I know I rag on Justin Bieber a lot, but I really should talk about what a fascinating scientific study he is. You see, Justin is part of a cycle -- much like the hydrologic cycle -- that circulates money through the country. First, money from girls with terrible taste in music evaporates and travels to Justin Bieber. When enough money condenses, Justin will make it rain on strippers. The strippers will then let the money flow to the H&M MORE

The world is Justin Bieber’s bathroom!

Justin Bieber

Considering how Justin Bieber just basically scraped by a house raid by the skin of his teeth, you'd figure he would have learned something and straightened up his act. So of course, here he is peeing his initials in the snow in front of the residents of a residential street. Hear that, society? Justin is too cool for bathrooms! The world is his bathroom now, both literally and figuratively! As in Justin is basically just pissing on the world. MORE

Justin Bieber’s house: A den of marijuana and sizzurp!

Justin Bieber

Last week, Justin Bieber's house got raided by the LAPD, and surprisingly the only thing that really came out of it was Lil Za being named the patsy. Apparently, he was the last person to put his finger on his nose and go "Not it!" Well, if you were wondering why Justin didn't get into any real trouble, it's only because the cops didn't have a search warrant for the massive amount of weed and sizzurp everywhere. TMZ reports ... Sources MORE

For Sale: A fake picture of Justin Bieber’s penis

Justin Bieber

Because your day just wasn't complete without faked texts of Justin Bieber's chode, good news, that's what you're going to get! According to TMZ, someone in Justin's camp has gone rogue and is shopping around fake texts between Justin and Selena Gomez where Justin sends her a picture of his penis. Apparently, you can tell they're fake because it doesn't look like a kidney bean resting on top of two chickpeas. You're welcome for that mental MORE