When culture pops, we wipe it up ...
 |  |  |
So sometime last year, Justin Bieber ended up causing a huge fan riot in a Long Island mall, because Bieber brings nothing but pain and suffering in his wake and everyone around him is functionally brain-dead. Anyway, it turns out his manager Scooter Braun was told to tweet that the event was canceled to keep the fans from killing each other, and he refused to keep the mob of tween girls from tearing each other apart. Anyway, fast forward to MORE
You can all rest easy, Beliebers, because the infamous Justin Bieber egger has been apprehended by police. This is truly a dark day for the rest of us. Anyway, after Bieber was egged at a concert in Sydney, Australia, police searched high and low for the culprit, which turned out to be a teenager who managed to break into the arena by breaking in through the roof. The offender has been granted conditional bail to appear at Parramatta MORE
For those of you not in the know, The Webby Awards are sort of like the Oscars of the Internet, in that they're both awarded to the same group of people every year and they're essentially useless at this point. And for reasons beyond me, someone decided to give Justin Bieber an award for Best Comedy Video, despite the fact that any video of Justin Bieber where he's not getting hurt couldn't be any harder to watch if it were based on the novel MORE
BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Justin Bieber AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA concert in Sydney, Australia HAHAHAHAHA egged AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Douche. Translation: Justin Bieber was performing a concert down in Australia over the weekend when he was apparently attacked by a barrage of eggs. Personally, I would have gone with something a little more substantial, like molotov cocktails or rabid koalas (this is Oz after all). Anyway, the point we should all be MORE
I never thought I'd live to see the day, but here we are: Justin Bieber and Tila Tequila have conglomerated together in some sort of Wondertwins-style supergroup of fucking annoying. It turns out, Justin has been a fan of Tila's since he was thirteen, which is kind of weird when you consider Tila is essentially just a pornstar but without the dignity of having an actual, legitimate job. Which kind of means that Justin has been watching porn since MORE
So remember yesterday when I verbally bitchslapped Justin Bieber for being a whiney little bitch during a trip to Israel? Well granted, some of you probably thought I was being a little harsh, right? Well, here comes the vindication: It turns out, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was supposed to meet with Biebs, but canceled after Justin blew off a meet-and-greet with a bunch of little kids who survived a recent rocket attack in Gaza. MORE
So Justin Bieber was in Israel this weekend, because clearly they don't have enough problems over there so why not send in a whiney, overrated, under-talented popstar? Anyway, Justin was taking in the sights when some paparazzi took some pictures of him, which he took in stride because occasional photography is all a part of being a celebri- Oh, wait, never mind, he shut himself in his hotel room and BAWWWWW-ed on Twitter about how the MORE
It’s been a while since anyone has sacrificed blood to the alter of the Beelzebieber, so over the weekend, during Justin Bieber’s concert in Madrid, Justin decided to drag his mom Pattie Mallette out onstage, serenade her with a rendition of Happy Birthday (which, by the way, will always sound like a funeral procession no matter who sings it) then give her a birthday cake … which set her hair on fire. Whoops. You know you're old when your MORE
In what is either the sanest statement a celebrity has ever made, or simply a case of the pot calling the kettle annoying and talentless, Miley Cyrus took a swipe at fellow teenage girl pop singers Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black, saying that a music career should come from hard work instead of random Youtube success. I don't know, remember keyboard cat? Now that guy has super crazy skill. 13-year old "singing" sensation Rebecca Black burst MORE
Generally, we try to schedule all the posts that will make you lose any and all faith in a loving God for the afternoon, but this one was just too extra special to pass up: A lock of Justin Bieber's hair recently sold for over $40,000 on eBay, and is currently being protected by its very own personal bodyguards. You see, this is why the entire world looks down on Western Civilization. Behind two bodyguards ... inside of a glass case ... sits MORE
Sometimes wax figure maker Madame Tussauds does get it right, but not always. Case in point, the latest waxy doppelgänger of Justin Bieber, which I think looks terrible! I can't really put my finger on what's off (maybe it's the hair? or the face is too round?) but just compare the real Bieber below standing next to his wax figure, it's not a good replica. They should put this one out to pasture and head back to the drawing board! I wonder what MORE
Remember last week when Justin Bieber was in London and a bunch of crazy fans nearly started a riot outside his hotel? Well hold on, it gets better: A pair of teenage girls actually managed to break into his room and take pictures of all his shit before anyone realized and kicked them out. "The hotel was swamped by fans all desperate to catch a glimpse of Justin, but two girls snuck in through a side entrance and stole housekeeping outfits," MORE
Because there is literally no situation that can be presented to a Belieber that they can't fuck up horribly, Justin Bieber has incited a mass of insane little girls to swarm the hotel room he's staying at in Liverpool, and the police are saying that if Justin or any of his entourage comes outside, they will be arrested for causing a full-on riot. Justin Bieber is currently holed up in his hotel in Liverpool, England -- with thousands of MORE
Because clearly getting rid of his weird, Lego hair wasn't a big and hilarious enough of a "FUCK YOU" to all his fans, Justin Bieber has decided to try and grow a mustache, except that this is Bieber we're talking about, so chances are he'll grow a D-Cup before he sees his first big-boy hairs. He lost 80,000 Twitter fans when he cut his trademark bangs and now Justin Bieber, 17, is set to shake up his hair situation again. "im not shaving for MORE
 | |
 | |
 |
 |
 |
