Snooki is cursed!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

I swear to God, this has to be some sort of post-modern performance art. The only explanation here. Anyway, Snooki was apparently being an annoying bitch while trying to attract customers to a pizza parlor they've been working at in Florence for the show (although if we're going with stereotypical Italian jobs, I think Snooki would have made way more money as the monkey of an organ grinder, what with her being small and hairy) and the bitch MORE

Snooki’s fender bender in Italy … with a cop!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

It's good to know that even when the Italian government is literally forcing the cast mates to not drink and stay out of trouble, they can still find a way to completely fuck up. If Ronnie's beating of The Situation wasn't enough (on a side note, how is Ronnie not an American hero just for that? You're doing God's work, son) it now looks like Snooki has been taken into custody for rear-ending a cop. I mean, with her car. Not like ... that! MORE

Bad News: The next season of ‘Jersey Shore’ is still on

Jersey Shore

Dammit, and we were *this* close too ... anyway, despite rumors that the next season of Jersey Shore was delayed indefinitely (which is just fancy talk for CANCELED) because the Italian government didn't want a bunch of slutty, drunk, faux Italians running around their city, it turns out the show is still on and it's only been delayed slightly because the president of Italy is in town, and therefore they can't film until the president leaves or MORE

Angelina Pivarnick’s baby doesn’t belong to Dave Kovacs?

Angelina Pivarnick and Dave Kovacs

Though I'm loathe to give Angelina Pivarnick, somehow the worst person to ever grace the syphilis-infected celluloid of Jersey Shore, more attention, there's been a big twist in her pregnancy: It turns out she got pregnant after she cheated on her fiance Dave Kovacs ... oh, wait, sorry, make that ex-fiance now. Because you know, nothing sours a potential marriage like cheating on your partner and then getting pregnant. "I'm going through a MORE

‘Jersey Shore’ star Angelina Pivarnick is pregnant!

Angelina Pivarnick and Dave Kovacs

In a clear sign of the apocalypse, the least likable member of the Jersey Shore herp squad (and that's saying something) Angelina Pivarnick is now pregnant with her fiance Dave Kovacs' baby. Let this be a lesson girls: never get in the Jersey Shore hot tub without an IUD, spermicidal lube and a full-body condom. That water in that tub is basically 80% semen and shame at this point! It was only a matter of time before one of the Jersey Shore MORE

JWoww stabbed her ex-boyfriend?

Jenni 'JWoww' Farley and Tom Lippolis

It really shouldn't surprise you that the cast of Jersey Shore might not be the most stable people, mostly because getting a bunch of previously violent alcoholic drug-addicts, giving them a never-ending supply of booze, sex and money and then putting them in front of a camera only leads to whore-punching and latent homosexual tendencies clumsily masked in gay panic. Anyway, it turns out Jenni 'JWoww' Farley, the tangelo whore with the huge tits, MORE

Now you can sleep in Snooki’s bed for $3,500!

'Jersey Shore' house

Good news, absolutely no one! If you have completely lost the will to live, or you're just looking to defy the part of your brain that keeps you from doing things that can and will kill you ("Man, that electrical outlet looks delicious. Let's stick a fork in it!"), you can now stay in the Jersey Shore house for $3,500 a night. So while you can't put a price on good pussy, you can put a price tag on the various STIs you will inevitably catch by MORE

‘Jersey Shore’ spin-offs are on the way!

Jersey Shore

Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that MTV is going to be breaking out two new spin-offs of one of their most popular shows and it's not Teen Mom. The bad news is that its Jersey Shore, and while there are no stupid, pregnant, white trash teenage whores on that show, it does mean we're going to have to suffer through yet another show where Snooki, JWoww and Pauly D get drunk, try to fuck things and generally act like total MORE

Jersey Shore’s Angelina is a classy dame!

Angelina Pivarnick

There are certain celebs I feel bad for mocking. You can tell who these are because you can literally see the gaping holes in the text from where I pulled punches. And then there are celebs I will stop at nothing to poke fun at because they hit that perfect little sweet spot between annoying as shit and generally goddamn awful. Case in point, Angelina Pivarnick, the girl who was kicked off Jersey Shore, a show about douchebag sluts for being too MORE

Snooki is getting in the wrestling ring?!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

Just in case you didn't quite realize that wrestling is pretty much completely fake at this point (except the injuries. That shit's real), Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi is going to be appearing on WWE's Monday Night Raw where she'll be getting tag-teamed by steroid-injected men for money. So basically, this is just like any other Monday night for Snooki. Snooki is finally getting in the wrestling ring ... and it will all go down one week from MORE

Jersey Shore’s Angelina got fake engaged!

Dave Kovacs and Angelina Pivarnick

So apparently, Jersey Shore's Angelina Pivarnick got engaged to Dave Kovacs on the red carpet of a New York Fashion Week event last week, which in true famewhore fashion, she did in front of as many cameras as possible. Well, it turns out this may or may not have been a complete publicity stunt meant to land them a reality TV show, and they might actually hate each other. In short, just another engagement. Dave Kovacs, the insider explains, MORE

Slippers by Snooki? Seriously?

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

Oh this must be yet another sign the end of the world is just around the corner ... Jersey Shore star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi now has her very own line of ugly ass slippers out! Who the hell wants to wear Snooki Slippers? (Order a pair now if you must) I wonder if she made them pukeproof for use after those sloppy, drunken nights? Although I wouldn't really call myself a fan, I'll hand it to her for trying to make money while her fifteen minutes MORE

Snooki has never written a check? No way.

snooki-no-checks-1

So apparently, despite making more money than God in the past year for doing absolutely nothing, Snooki has never written a check or opened a checking account. To be fair, the conversion rate of Slutty Leprechaun Gold to American dollars is terrible right now. Just awful. According to the documents, obtained by TMZ, one of the big scenes takes place inside of a Jersey bank, when Papa Snooki tries to teach the 23-year-old how to fill out a check MORE

‘Jersey Shore’ is going to Italy!

Oh MTV ... just when I think you've reached the bottom of the barrel, you literally break through it and start scraping at the dirt underneath the barrel. Case in point, Jersey Shore is headed to Italy for season four, despite the fact that most of the cast aren't actually Italian, but rather, Italian stereotypes! As Jersey Shore prepares to film its fourth season, the cast is reportedly getting booted from the U.S. and will bring their fist MORE