When culture pops, we wipe it up ...
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In today's ironic new story, Jersey Shore famewhore Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi told Parade that even though nearly every picture of her, not to mention every video clip, news story, stone-carved image and any other visual medium used to show Snooki always displays her drunk off her ass or in the process of getting drunk off her ass, she wants you all to know that she's not an alcoholic. She just drinks all the time to the point where her life MORE
Proving my theory that the cast of Jersey Shore is, in fact, completely self-aware of how they come across on their show, Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi made an appearance on the Today Show to promote her second book (side-note: WHAT?!) and made sure to tell everyone that the character she plays on Jersey Shore is by no means a role model. You know, just in case you thought it was totally cool to plop your kids in front of the television screen, point MORE
All right, so last night I finally caved and started watching the new season of Jersey Shore, having never actually really watched an episode before, because since FOX decided to put all the shows we actually care about on hiatus in exchange for men on steroids hitting balls with sticks, my general range of television has become decidedly limited. Anyway, after a couple episodes, I finally realized why everyone hates Sammi: because she's a MORE
So New Jersey's governor Chris Christie took time out from maybe-or-maybe-not running unsuccessfully for president (can you decide already so that you can lose your bid to Mitt Romney?) to announce that Jersey Shore would no longer be receiving tax breaks from the state so that they can film eight filthy whores drink and punch and cry. Via The Slate: Dubbed the "Snooki subsidy," the tax credit is part of a $10 million state program that grants MORE
You see? YOU SEE?! This is what happens when you encourage stupid orange creamsicle whores. Anyway, Jersey Shore star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi was, for some reason, allowed to stand in front of a camera and read jokes about recent news in a stilted tone while she burps and eats pickles. Get it? It's like she's in on the joke now! Except being self-aware to the fact that you're an awful human being and not doing anything about it doesn't give you MORE
I know, I know: four music-related posts in a row? MADNESS. We're turning into one of those music blogs you keep hearing about. Anyway, continuing with today's unofficial all music blogging, Jersey Shore star Pauly D has signed onto to be the DJ for Britney Spears' tour, which I can only assume has something to do with Brit's love of Cheetos and anything else that's orange, baked and full of saturated fat. The Jersey Shore star will perform MORE
So the fourth season of Jersey Shore is coming soon, and they've released the trailer and ... and ... oh God, I think it's actually making me dumber (if that's possible). Anyway, it features Snooki taking her car and making the crashey crashey into the police, and they got angry and made the cars go "WOOOOOO! WOOOOOO!" and she went to the bad guy time-out place, and then the big one hit the situation on the face and the whores threw the glasses MORE
After facing two of its cast members almost jumping ship on a sinking boat, MTV has decided to crackdown on the cast of Jersey Shore, so now if someone tries to leave the show, they will be fired. Yeah, that's the kind of logic you can expect from the people who brought you such television classics as Teen Mom or My Super Sweet Sixteen. Sources connected with production tell TMZ, the network is serious this time: if another cast member tries MORE
I'm assuming after the producers realized that Vinny Guadagnino was one of the only actual-Italians on the cast, the cast of the Jersey Shore has apparently banded together to convince Vinny to comeback to the show since he's pretty much the least completely fucked up human beings on the show and God knows someone needs to be the foil (of sorts) for the other seven perverted drunks. Apparently the Jersey Shore cast enjoys a big pain in the MORE
So after a video surfaced yesterday of Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi drunkenly dancing with a potted plant (aka, literally the closest I will ever get to shooting fish in a barrel of vodka using a rocket launcher), one of Snooki's ex-boyfriends decided to mouth off about the ordeal. You remember the one, right? The one who proposed on the cover of some backwoods magazine no one cares about? Yeah, that bitch. Anyway, he's convinced that MTV is turning MORE
I honestly have nothing to add to this. It's Jersey Shore star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi. Drunkenly dancing with a goddamn plant. Honestly, that's a joke in and of itself. Anything more than that and you're just rubbing it in. The reigning queen of drunken Jersey Shore antics seriously upped her game at a bar in Seaside Heights on Saturday -- by sloppily dancing with a decorative plant like it was a juiced-up gorilla version of Mark Ballas. So MORE
What's this? Another major star leaving another major show? Man, I hope this doesn't become a running theme today (wait for the next post ...) Anyway, Vinny Guadagnino has decided to grab his watermelon dick and go home in the middle of the fifth season of Jersey Shore, I'm assuming after he realized he was on the Jersey Shore and that he would forever be known as the guy who caught every STD from Snooki. As TMZ first reported, Vinny bolted MORE
So you know how the cast of Jersey Shore has been pressuring MTV for more and more money despite the fact that they're all useless, no-talent dumb-dumbs? Well, it looks like the cable network is about to take its ball and go home, because reports are going around saying that the current cast is getting das boot so that they can fill the show up with newer, cheaper, equally talentless models. With the self-described guidos, former anonymous MORE
I swear to God, this has to be some sort of post-modern performance art. The only explanation here. Anyway, Snooki was apparently being an annoying bitch while trying to attract customers to a pizza parlor they've been working at in Florence for the show (although if we're going with stereotypical Italian jobs, I think Snooki would have made way more money as the monkey of an organ grinder, what with her being small and hairy) and the bitch MORE
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