‘Jersey Shore’ will give your Xmas tree an STD

Jersey Shore Christmas Ornaments

Because the only thing missing from your Christmas tree was a terminal STD, Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi decided to release a line of Xmas ornaments. Everything about that sentence filled me with a rage that can only be cured by binge-drinking. Entertainment Weekly reports: In case you missed HSN’s A Very Snooki Holiday Gift Special, well … shame on you! You may have missed the fact that yet another holiday has been guido-fied. That’s right, MORE

Snooki exfoliates with kitty litter?

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

Remember that time that Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi said she isn't an alcoholic? Keep that in mind as you read this next bit about how Snooki exfoliates her face with kitty litter, because I'm pretty sure you can't do what she describes without being seriously tanked out of your effing skull. Entertainment Weekly reports: We may live in a world where people put nightingale dung on their faces and let flesh-eating fish nip at their toes, but it MORE

Snooki claims she’s not an alcoholic!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

In today's ironic new story, Jersey Shore famewhore Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi told Parade that even though nearly every picture of her, not to mention every video clip, news story, stone-carved image and any other visual medium used to show Snooki always displays her drunk off her ass or in the process of getting drunk off her ass, she wants you all to know that she's not an alcoholic. She just drinks all the time to the point where her life MORE

Snooki is not a role model, so sayeth Snooki!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

Proving my theory that the cast of Jersey Shore is, in fact, completely self-aware of how they come across on their show, Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi made an appearance on the Today Show to promote her second book (side-note: WHAT?!) and made sure to tell everyone that the character she plays on Jersey Shore is by no means a role model. You know, just in case you thought it was totally cool to plop your kids in front of the television screen, point MORE

‘Jersey Shore’ couple Ronnie and Sammi call it quits!

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Sammi Giancola

All right, so last night I finally caved and started watching the new season of Jersey Shore, having never actually really watched an episode before, because since FOX decided to put all the shows we actually care about on hiatus in exchange for men on steroids hitting balls with sticks, my general range of television has become decidedly limited. Anyway, after a couple episodes, I finally realized why everyone hates Sammi: because she's a MORE

Chris Christie denies ‘Jersey Shore’ tax credit!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Chris Christie

So New Jersey's governor Chris Christie took time out from maybe-or-maybe-not running unsuccessfully for president (can you decide already so that you can lose your bid to Mitt Romney?) to announce that Jersey Shore would no longer be receiving tax breaks from the state so that they can film eight filthy whores drink and punch and cry. Via The Slate: Dubbed the "Snooki subsidy," the tax credit is part of a $10 million state program that grants MORE

Snooki is a slutty, useless news anchor now!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

You see? YOU SEE?! This is what happens when you encourage stupid orange creamsicle whores. Anyway, Jersey Shore star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi was, for some reason, allowed to stand in front of a camera and read jokes about recent news in a stilted tone while she burps and eats pickles. Get it? It's like she's in on the joke now! Except being self-aware to the fact that you're an awful human being and not doing anything about it doesn't give you MORE

Pauly D joined Britney Spears’ tour!

Pauly D and Britney Spears

I know, I know: four music-related posts in a row? MADNESS. We're turning into one of those music blogs you keep hearing about. Anyway, continuing with today's unofficial all music blogging, Jersey Shore star Pauly D has signed onto to be the DJ for Britney Spears' tour, which I can only assume has something to do with Brit's love of Cheetos and anything else that's orange, baked and full of saturated fat. The Jersey Shore star will perform MORE

Derrrrr, the ‘Jersey Shore’ (S4) trailer is out!

Jersey Shore

So the fourth season of Jersey Shore is coming soon, and they've released the trailer and ... and ... oh God, I think it's actually making me dumber (if that's possible). Anyway, it features Snooki taking her car and making the crashey crashey into the police, and they got angry and made the cars go "WOOOOOO! WOOOOOO!" and she went to the bad guy time-out place, and then the big one hit the situation on the face and the whores threw the glasses MORE

MTV lays down the law for the ‘Jersey Shore’ cast!

Jersey Shore

After facing two of its cast members almost jumping ship on a sinking boat, MTV has decided to crackdown on the cast of Jersey Shore, so now if someone tries to leave the show, they will be fired. Yeah, that's the kind of logic you can expect from the people who brought you such television classics as Teen Mom or My Super Sweet Sixteen. Sources connected with production tell TMZ, the network is serious this time: if another cast member tries MORE

Vinny just unquit the ‘Jersey Shore’

Vinny Guadagnino

I'm assuming after the producers realized that Vinny Guadagnino was one of the only actual-Italians on the cast, the cast of the Jersey Shore has apparently banded together to convince Vinny to comeback to the show since he's pretty much the least completely fucked up human beings on the show and God knows someone needs to be the foil (of sorts) for the other seven perverted drunks. Apparently the Jersey Shore cast enjoys a big pain in the MORE

Is MTV turning Snooki into a drunk?

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

So after a video surfaced yesterday of Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi drunkenly dancing with a potted plant (aka, literally the closest I will ever get to shooting fish in a barrel of vodka using a rocket launcher), one of Snooki's ex-boyfriends decided to mouth off about the ordeal. You remember the one, right? The one who proposed on the cover of some backwoods magazine no one cares about? Yeah, that bitch. Anyway, he's convinced that MTV is turning MORE

Here’s Snooki dancing with a potted plant!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

I honestly have nothing to add to this. It's Jersey Shore star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi. Drunkenly dancing with a goddamn plant. Honestly, that's a joke in and of itself. Anything more than that and you're just rubbing it in. The reigning queen of drunken Jersey Shore antics seriously upped her game at a bar in Seaside Heights on Saturday -- by sloppily dancing with a decorative plant like it was a juiced-up gorilla version of Mark Ballas. So MORE

Vinny left the ‘Jersey Shore’

Vinny Guadagnino

What's this? Another major star leaving another major show? Man, I hope this doesn't become a running theme today (wait for the next post ...) Anyway, Vinny Guadagnino has decided to grab his watermelon dick and go home in the middle of the fifth season of Jersey Shore, I'm assuming after he realized he was on the Jersey Shore and that he would forever be known as the guy who caught every STD from Snooki. As TMZ first reported, Vinny bolted MORE