Pauly D is fighting for custody of his love child

Pauly D

Normally, I wouldn't bother talking about Pauly D or the love child he fathered, but ... well, you know what the big story is right now. At this point, I'm just trying to hold it off the way one might use his body to barricade the doors as thousands of zombies press against the other side. Either way, as I try and hold back the brainless army of the damned, let's all read about how Pauly D and his baby mama are fighting over their paycheck. I MORE

The Situation: Too much pu**y can be a bad thing

Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino

Remember Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino? I know, almost forgot about him do you? Yeah, we were almost rid of him. Almost. Jersey Shore is ending, everyone's breaking up, and for a split second, it almost seemed like we were rid of the greasy, orange, self-titled douche. Then PETA ruined it because they ruin everything. PETA ruined Super Mario, then they ruined Pokemon, now they ruined existence by hitting the snooze on The Situation's fifteen MORE

‘Jersey Shore’ got canceled!

Jersey Shore

This past week was great for people who hate trashy reality TV: First, Kim Kardashian got a royal smackdown when she tried to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and now, after six seasons (which is roughly seven too long) of Jersey Shore, someone at MTV decided to pull the plug on the show, and then hopefully, wrap the cord around the show's neck and strangle it. Variety reports ... MTV has decided to cancel its signature franchise MORE

Snooki had a baby boy, Lorenzo!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Jionni LaValle

Oh the hell with it, for once I'm not going to be all bitchy and caustic about Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi. Consider that my baby shower gift, as yesterday she gave birth to her six pound baby boy, Lorenzo Dominic LaValle. What? Are you expecting a mean joke here or something? You know what? Fine. Later. We'll do one later. Just read the blockquote from MTV first ... After nearly six rambunctious seasons filled with hot-tub hookups, prowling for MORE

Snooki is having a baby boy!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Jionni LaValle

Because Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi is actually going to go through with this, In Touch gave her a cover story to tell the world that she's having a baby boy. Fantastic, now we have a proper pronoun for whom we must pray for. Snooki tells In Touch that she and Jionni LaValle are deciding between two names – Lorenzo or Jionni Jr. And while she’s thrilled to welcome a son, the 24-year-old admits she was hoping for a mini-me. “I thought it was MORE

Snooki is really pregnant!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi - Us Weekly

Well, to the shock and surprise of pretty much no one at this point, Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi managed to snag a deal with Us Weekly to announce that she was pregnant and engaged on their latest cover. Well, not so much "announce" as "confirm" since she spent the better part of the week walking around looking insanely preggers with a massive ring on her finger. Not exactly the best way to hide that shocker. After weeks of rumors, Nicole 'Snooki' MORE

Snooki’s ex-boyfriend wants her to miscarry!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Emilio Masella

For those of you who don't remember who Emilio Masella is: you lucky bitches. Anyway, Emilio was this tiny petulant ball of steroid abuse and attention-whoring who used to date Jersey Shore star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi. When she tried to dump the dumb bastard, Emilio tried to propose to her on the cover of Steppin' Out magazine -- shirtless mind you, because that situation clearly wasn't sad enough. Anyway, now that Snooki is pregnant and MORE

Heaven Help Us: Snooki is pregnant!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

Remember how earlier in the month, Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi was rumored to be preggers, which everyone just sort of wrote off as Snooki eating way too many pickles and walking around with a food baby? Well, turns out she might have been pregnant all along, and she was just hiding it so that she could score a sweet cover story (and paycheck) from Us Weekly. Page Six reports: Sources said the reality star, who denied being preggers earlier this MORE

Snooki was banned from a wine shop!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

Because nothing bad has ever happened from publicly banning a Jersey Shore star from using your product -- unless you count that time Abercrombie & Fitch tried to keep their douchewear off of doucheking Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino. Whoops! -- a winery in Jersey City has publicly banned Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi from their shop while she's there shooting her show. Pfft, like Snooki drinks wine. Anything less than moonshine would be like tap MORE

Snooki and JWoww can’t shoot in Hoboken!

Snooki and JWoww

As some of you might remember, MTV gave the greenlight to a Jersey Shore spin-off starring Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Jenni 'JWoww' Farley, because let's face it, if people have to hear about Ronnie and Sammi's won't-they-or-won't-they relationship one more time, someone's going to end up planting a boot through Sammi's weird Miss Piggy face. Anyway, it looks like The Snooki and JWoww Fun Times Donkey Hour (that's my tentative title for the MORE

The ‘Jersey Shore’ cast: Least desirable celebrity neighbors

Jersey Shore

Since there are only a little more than three days left until the end of the year, it's time for everyone to make lists! Lists! Lists out the freaking wa-zoo! Anyway, a real estate site called Zillow just published their list of the celebrities that people would least like to live next to, and what a surprise, the cast of the Jersey Shore is first, followed by Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian. Notice a pattern here? For the MORE

‘JWoww’ denies having work done!

Jenni 'JWoww' Farley

So Jenni 'JWoww' Farley is on the cover of ... ummmm ... I dunno, it's one of those magazines where men talk about tits and cologne and beer. MaxiFHMensHealEsquire, I want to say? Something like that. Point is, Jwoww's tits are on the cover of a magazine, and yet somehow people are talking about her face. I know! Turns out, she had a face this whole time. And it looks botoxed straight to hell. TooFab reports: The Jersey Shore star has been MORE

Jersey Shore’s Vinny rapped about rape …

Vinny Guadagnino

It turns out, people who willingly sign over the rights to MTV to air footage of them having drunken sex may not have the best sense of judgment. Case in point: Jersey Shore star Vinny Guadagnino decided to release his own rap track, because reality TV and singing are basically the same thing. Then he made the brilliant move where he sang about raping a chick, and you can see where this is going so I'm just going to cut straight to the blurb from MORE

‘Jersey Shore’ will give your Xmas tree an STD

Jersey Shore Christmas Ornaments

Because the only thing missing from your Christmas tree was a terminal STD, Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi decided to release a line of Xmas ornaments. Everything about that sentence filled me with a rage that can only be cured by binge-drinking. Entertainment Weekly reports: In case you missed HSN’s A Very Snooki Holiday Gift Special, well … shame on you! You may have missed the fact that yet another holiday has been guido-fied. That’s right, MORE